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Top Ten Mistakes Salemites Make When Driving
posted by Orion 2/11/98

10. Putting car in reverse and hitting ex-wife (with top down on the convertible nonetheless...Austin might want to get his eyes checked???)
9. Ignoring icy road warnings and forgetting to power up the cell phone
8. Placing a hot cup of tea between legs when trying to evade police or psycho with Jungle Madness
7. Filling up the gas tank to full right before driving down a swerving road at 80 mph
6. Ignoring the local psychic when she warns of extreme vehicular danger in the future
5. Talking to oneself and having flashbacks instead of paying attention to the semi coming head on
4. Not checking that blanket covered mass huddled in the back seat when it starts coughing or saying "kill...kill..."
3. Crashing your new red convertible in a snake infested area of all places and then being dumb enough to get bitten by one (sorry Dr. Mike!)
2. Not stopping the damn car when the windshield wipers suddenly stop during a downpour (sorry again Dr. Mike!)

And the number 1 mistake Salemites make when driving is....

1. Forgetting that Johnny Angel's doesn't have drive-thru and accidentally plowing through the front doors of Ballistix!


Top Ten Reasons Why Susan and Edmund Should Not Get Married

posted by Orion on 2/12/98

10. Susan's "Priscilla" dress might scare the sheep
9. Little Elvis would have a better IQ than both his parents by kindergarten
8. Thomas Banks might expect to be best man
7. Two words: Stefano Dimera
6. Graceland is booked for honeymoons right now
5. Who wants to eat a peanut butter & banana wedding cake?
4. There's still a chance John might give up on Marlena and see Susan for her beauty (err...inner beauty I guess!?)
3. Guests would be forced to take no-doze while Edmund figures out which finger to put the ring on
2. Since when did a marriage go off with out a hitch on this show?

And the number one reason why Susan and Edmund should not get married....

1. They might want to look into sterilization first

The Top TenPredictions From Celeste for 2000
Posted by Orion on 2/20/98

10. Jack will develop an unfortunate jaw disorder from his constant teeth grinding. To make matters worse, he will go to Susan's dentist for help.
9. Lexie and Abe will become parents. Unfortunately, since there is Dimera blood involved and the grandmother is Celeste, Lexie will be shocked when she delivers a very mean magic eight ball.
8. Jungle Madness returns to Salem and this time Gran Horton is the victim. She proceeds to kick everyone's ass that disapproves of her donuts.
7. Austin leaves Carrie when he catches her in bed with Mike. He decides to go back to school and is even accepted to Harvard! Oh wait, just another dream sequence...
6. Bo and Hope buy a new yacht and name it "Fancy Face 2". However, on their first voyage, they hit an iceberg ala Titanic but survive thanks to Hope's buoyant bust line.
5. Marlena contemplates returning to Stefano's oversized bird cage in an attempt to flee John and Roman's constant nagging..."pick me!...no, pick me!...."(yes, the storyline will continue for another 2 years...hel-LO??? This IS Days)
4. Sami and Franco start up their own salad dressing business. The secret ingredient??? You guessed it...that goop in Franco's hair!
3. Jonesy stars in his first action-packed thriller "The Narcoleptic that Never Dies" with special guests Rasputin and Rip Van Winkle.
2. Abbie leaves home to pursue her lifelong dream...to be a Spice Girl...but Eric beats her to it (way harsh huh?)

And the number 1 prediction from Celeste for 2000...

1. A tea shortage occurs in Salem and everyone is forced to drink Snapple and Tab. Kate begins to go into convulsions from tea deprivation and soon joins Victor at the rehab home. See everyone, there is such a thing as a happy ending....

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