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How to SURVIVE in Salem
posted by Complex on 2/22/98

1. Never EVER drink tea, 99.9% of the time it is drugged.

2. Never assume that someone is in a place where they will never be found. They always are.

3. Never put yourself in a vulnerable position because your enemy is dead. They are not dead, you idiot! They, of course, have miraculously survived.

4. If you want someone arrested find them yourself because the police will only arrest someone if they are cornered and have already given up.

5. Good people are only evil people who havenít been faced with complete loss and desperation, trust no one...

6. Buying an unmarked, illegal gun never solves anything. Odds are it really screws up your life.

7. NEVER leave the country!!! Your life, as screwed up as it is, always gets even more screwed up if you leave the country.

8. If someone may be trying to kidnap you stay in public areas and never go home alone, unless of course you rely on police escort which automatically means you're halfway to a secret underground lair already.

9. If you are looking for someone who has been kidnapped concentrate on islands or major European cities.

10. Never put your faith in a roadblock.

11. The police will never bring anyone in or have a valid lead.

12. Always carry a cell phone with a full battery, make sure EVERYBODY has that number.

13. If you are waiting for important news donít leave your home, a call will be placed exactly 2 seconds after you leave.

14. Get everything out in the open, keep nothing from your friends and everything from your enemies, knowledge is power, ya know...

15. Donít trust anything that is said about someone else unless that is the person you heard it from.

16. There is always a way out, always...

17. Bullets never kill so never assume they will.

18. An unrecovered body = a big surprise when he/she shows up one day.

19. Never trust an amnesiac.

20. Never resort to manipulation. It may work for a while but in the end you'll probably end up face down in a pool! :)

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