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The Spy Who Love Me
By Spirit
Part 3
The corridor was long, with white walls and a white tile floor. The roof was arched glass, letting
the sun spill through the hallway, but for some reason it seemed insistent in not shaking its cold demeanor. Shane
always walked a little quicker than usual when making a visit to the medical ward. Today was no different. He paused
when he came to room 8, then pushed the door open. A nurse who had been taking reading off one of the machines
jumped up.
"Hello Sir." She said, moving away from the bed.
"How's he doing." Shane asked, moving next to the bed to stare at the prone figure laying in it.
"As well as to be expected, considering that he got almost twice the usual dose of the IS3."
IS3 was a sedative that agents gave to civilians who were being transported to the ISA compound. Sedation would
insure that they wouldn't remember the way to the compound, and ensured the agents safety. It was what Carrie had
stuck into Mike's arm as they were leaving Angola. Usually it would knock an average person out for twenty-four
hours. Mike had been asleep for two days now. Carrie was usually more careful.
"Other than that, everything seems normal?" Shane asked, his voice concerned. He had put Mike into this
situation, and he only hoped Mike would pull out okay.
"Perfectly normal Mr. Donavan."
"Has he had any visitors?" Shane inquired, still looking at Mike's sleeping figure.
"No visitors except for you sir." The nurse answered back in the same professional tone. So, she'd dumped
him here and was staying away. You can't run forever, Carrie, Shane thought to himself. At some point you have
to face your past.
Shane turned back to the nurse.
"Everything looks fine. Could you call me as soon as he wakes up? I'd like to be the first to know."
"Yes sir." The nurse made a quick notation on her chart. As usual, when the director of the ISA asked
for something, it was done immediately. If only Shane had that much power with his niece. Well, if she wouldn't
deal with Mike, Shane would simply have to take care of matters himself.
*****
"Did you have to give him such a high dose?"
Carrie continued staring at her report on the Angolan assignment, pretending not to hear Shane's question.
"Carrie, did you hear me?" Carrie looked up at him, giving him her best glare.
"Katrina, Shane." Her voice was dangerously tense. "It's Katrina."
"Okay, Katrina," Shane said sarcastically. "I was saying. . ."
"I heard what you were saying," Carrie interrupted him. "And I just want you to know that I KNOW
you were behind Mike showing up in Angola. How dare you. . ."
"You have no proof that I did anything, Katrina, and it's against policy to be so confrontational to your
superior, even if I am your uncle." Shane said pointedly. "Now, let's get back to the business at hand."
Carrie flipped through her report and pulled out a piece of paper. It had been a week since her return to Angola,
her leg was healing nicely, and Carrie had solved the Mike problem. This morning she received a message that Shane
would meet her in his office to debrief. He was usually quicker, and the delay had only increased the agitation
Carrie had felt ever since returning.
"Here's the medical report prepared based on Mi…um, Dr. Horton's findings." Carrie handed the piece of
paper to Shane, her voice business-like. "The thing I find strange is that while cholera is not unusual in
that part of Africa, it struck only a specific part of the population."
"What's your conclusion then?" Shane asked as he leaned back in his leather chair and looked at his niece
sitting across the desk from him. She was wearing a mock turtleneck, a jacket and slim pants. Everything was in
black. Her face was fixed in a scowl, and her body was tense, like a jaguar ready to pounce. She looked dangerous
and every bit the well trained spy that she was.
"Well, given the isolation of the breakout, I think we're dealing with some sort of biological experiment.
We've long known that the terrorists are interested in developing a biological weapon that's easy to spread and
would cause massive casualties. Anthrax, cholera, experimental biotoxins; they're all possibilities. It's possible
that they used cholera because they knew the Peace Corps would bring aid quickly, as for targeting the children…they
must be testing the flexibility of the weapon." Carrie paused for a breath. "Or, at least that's my hypothesis."
"Very nice." Shane rubbed his chin a little, a habit he had when thinking, looked at his watch, then
back at Katrina. "The info you gathered at the camp will be very helpful."
"Speaking of the camp," Carrie leaned back and narrowed her eyes. "Why the sudden pull-out? If you
concurred with my hypothesis about you setting me up, it would seem that you wanted Mike to come back here."
"Katrina, really. Since I knew nothing about Mike being in Angola, it would have been hard to center our whole
operation on that. Anyway, the French police were going to start rounding up suspected Angolan terrorists, and
we had to get you out. Once the raids started, security at the camp would have been clamped down and all foreigners
in the area would have become suspect."
"Mmmm-hmmmm." Carrie still looked suspicious. Good, thought Shane, let her stew in her own juices for
a while. Shane looked at his watch again.
"Waiting for someone?" Carrie asked, her voice slightly mocking.
"Actually, I am …" Shane was interrupted by a knock on the door. He arched his eyebrows and looked pointedly
at Carrie. "I am waiting for someone, and it looks like they are here now…come on in."
Carrie turned to look at the door as it swung open. Mike walked into the room and Shane heard Carrie hiss under
her breath. Her eyes were wide with surprise.
"I thought…" she sputtered. "I thought they sent you home."
"No." Shane said as he got up from his chair and crossed the room to shake Mike's hand. "They didn't.
Mike has agreed to stick around and help us on our mission."
Carrie stared at Shane, then at Mike, then at Shane again. Shane could barely contain a grin as she figured out
what Shane was up to. Her face became angry as she glared at him.
"No way Shane. Absolutely not." She hissed. "There is no way that I will work with him."
*****
The shock in Mike's eyes as Carrie had driven the needle into his arm ripped her heart in two. Immediately she
was jerked back to those early months after she'd fled from Salem. Stuck in ISA training camp, often surviving
on only hours of sleep, Carrie didn't think the pain she felt would ever go away. Her days were filled with mind
numbing physical training, but her nights were filled with a bitter ache. Her body cried out for Mike, as well
as her heart, both remembering his touch. After a she learned to not think about it, to numb it. It was still there,
but she could ignore it, stuffing it deep inside. Seeing Mike again brought it all bubbling to the surface.
No. She wouldn't do it again. She wouldn't go through that pain again. Carrie reached out and stroked Mike's face
as the chopper blades whirled overhead. The Medical ward would take care of him until he woke up, then the ISA
would return Mike to Salem. Carrie would take another assignment and start trying to forget again.
At least that was how the plan was supposed to go. Now, as Carrie stood in the middle of the room, Shane told her
Mike would be working with her, all the fear rushed back in.
"Abs-o-fricken lutely NOT!" Carrie spit out, her voice rising. "Get someone else Shane."
"Not possible Katrina." Shane said. "Brockwell is in Yugoslavia, Diedrich and Davis were sent to
Columbia on an emergency, and we need someone who IS a doctor, not posing as a doctor."
Carrie put her hands on her hips and her stance was determined. She stared at both men standing in the room. Shane
had a slightly amused look on his face, and Mike simply looked bewildered. She would not work with Mike Horton.
She would not subject herself to that kind of pain again. Carrie looked at Shane again. It's all a joke to you,
isn't it Shane, she thought. Well, I'll wipe that smug smile off your face.
"Okay, if that's the way it's going to be Shane, I quit." With those words, Carrie stalked out of Shane's
office, slamming the door on her way out.
*****
"Wow." Mike said as he stared at the door that Carrie had just slammed shut. "I'm not sure if this
is a good idea Shane."
Shane got up from his desk and went to the mini bar in his office. He pulled out two glasses and a sifter of Scotch.
"Would you like a drink Mike?"
A drink sounded good. Mike nodded his head.
"Maybe you were right Shane. Maybe she never wanted to be found, and I'm just hurting her by being here."
"Let me tell you something Mike. Carrie came to me three years ago saying that she needed to 'disappear.'
I didn't ask any questions and she didn't give me answers." Shane handed a glass to Mike then took his and
went to sit behind his desk again.
"When she arrived here from the States, she wasn't the same Carrie I knew. She was haunted, barely sleeping,
barely eating, and I knew that whatever she was running from was none of my business. I put her into the ISA training
program and she's become one of my best agents, Mike. She works hard, she's professional, and she gets the job
done." Shane took a sip of his scotch, then continued. "As her boss, I'm pleased. As her uncle, I've
been worried. She worked too hard, went on too many assignments, like whatever had haunted her when she first came
to us had never really left her. It's been hard to watch her transform from the sweet girl I knew in Salem to someone
hard and tough."
"I've seen that too Shane." Mike said, nodding his head. "She's not the same person that I knew
either. She's so hurt and angry, I don't know what to do"
"Neither did I." Shane said, "That is, until you walked into my office six moths ago or so. When
you told me that you loved her, I realized that it was YOU that she'd been running from all these years. I always
thought something had gone wrong with Austin, that maybe he'd turned violent, but I was wrong. That's why I sent
you to Angola. I love my niece, and I realized that only you, Mike, could help her heal."
"But she doesn't feel the same way Shane." Mike sighed. "That's clear from the way she reacted to
seeing me." Mike's voice trailed off, remembering how he practically had to beg Carrie to keep him in her
life, to take him on the helicopter with her, only to have her drug him and abandon him at the medical ward. She
hadn't come by to see him at all.
"You're wrong Mike. She may be giving you the cold shoulder, but you've got her torn up inside. She's never
raised her voice to me before, and she's never quit the ISA before, even though she's had to work with some agents
that I know she detested. I can't let this go Mike. I can't let her run away again. I did it once before, and I
won't be her accomplice a second time."
"What do you want me to do?" Mike asked Shane. At this point, reaching Carrie seemed hopeless. Despite
what Shane said, her reaction to his being involved with the mission kept looping through Mike's head.
"Help us out this one time." Shane said as he looked through a stack of folders on his desk. "We
really do need a real doctor for this mission, and it will keep Carrie from running away again."
Mike was quiet for a minute. If it would help him get Carrie back, he would do it. He understood in his mind what
Carrie was trying to do, but his heart wouldn't accept it.
"Okay Shane. I'll do it."
Shane smiled. It made Mike feel better. He hadn't come this far to give up on Carrie, and now he had an ally.
"Aha" Shane said as he found what he was looking for in the stack of papers. He pulled out a stapled
packet and handed it to Mike. "I'm glad to have you on board, and who knows, this might become a new career.
That packet outlines the Angola Mission. Read it before the 08:00 meeting tomorrow and I'll see you then."
"Thanks" Mike said, getting up from his chair. "I'll see you tomorrow."
*****
Shane watched Mike leave his office, then picked up the phone and dialed the number to Carrie's apartment. She
didn't pick up the phone and Shane was left talking to the answering machine.
"I know you're there Katrina." Shane told the machine. "If you want to quit the ISA, that is your
decision. I'll accept your resignation, but not this way. I want you to finish what you've started, and that means
completing the Angola Mission. The team will be briefed in the conference room at 08:00. I expect you there."
Shane hung up the phone. She would be there. Carrie might be running away from Mike, but another part of her couldn't
stay way.
*****
Declan O'Conner had been with the ISA for two years when Katrinan Bradley had showed up. He could still remember
the day she walked in the room to be briefed on the Russian mission. It was her first assignment, but Katrina had
possessed all of the confidence of someone who'd been on countless missions. With her short, brown hair, tilted
nose and sad eyes, she was also the most beautiful woman Declan had ever seen. He wondered what she would be like
in bed. He looked forward to finding out.
"I'm Declan," he said, extending his hand towards her. As soon as the briefing was over, he'd made his
way across the room to where she sat studying her info packet. She stared up at him for a minute.
"Katrina." She said carefully, not taking his extended hand, then turning back to her packet. Declan
would not be so easily brushed off.
"Hi Katrina." He said, undaunted. "You're new here. Do you want to get together to review the mission?"
"No thank you." She smiled a small, fake smile, telling him to get lost but in not so many words.
"Well, see you around." Declan said as he turned to leave. This one was going to be harder than he'd
expected.
Declan had soon discovered that working with Katrina was all work and no play. Declan learned quickly that she
would not talk about anything personal, and he stopped asking. She never mentioned their first meeting again, and
the two agents quickly forged a good working relationship. Slowly he grew to care about her deeply. At the end
of the Russian Mission, Declan was sad to part ways. His heart was filled with regret.
If only things had been different. Katrina was haunted by some demons that Declan knew would never leave her, and
there was no chance for him as long as that was true. Sometimes in Russia, he would look at her and there would
be such sadness in her eyes that he felt his heart breaking for her. He wanted to take her in his arms and make
all the pain go away, but as always, there was the wall between them that she had erected. The only think he'd
been able to take from her was the knowledge that they could be good together, the thing that could never be.
*****
It was two years before he saw her again. He'd heard that she was out on assignment in various places, always working,
always running. For some reason, their paths never crossed again, until the Angola Assignment.
Declan had returned from a one week break on the Mediterranean. Tan and rested, he opened the packet for his next
assignment to see Katrina listed as the Project Leader. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of working with
her again. Even though she kept their relationship on the friendship level, they still made a hell of a team.
He'd been designated at support to Katrina. When she gave the signal, he would take a helicopter into the Peace
Corp compound she'd been assigned to and pick her up. All in all, it should have been an easy mission, and a good
one for Kat's first time as Project Leader. That's why he was surprised to get the message to pick her up early.
Something must have gone wrong, and Declan headed to Angola with dread.
*****
There was little wind and the day was hot as Declan hovered over the compound. A bead of sweat trickled out from
under his helmet as he scanned the huts, looking for Katrina. Finally, she came running out from on of the buildings
towards the helicopter. She was dragging one leg and leaning on the shoulder of a blond man Declan had never seen
before. What in the hell was going on?
"I'm injured. Right thigh, flesh wound." Katrina yelled as she leaned into the cockpit.
"I'll contact the medics." Declan yelled back. "By the way, Kat, who's that?" Declan had finished
his question some cheesy comment about souvenirs. He winced at how obvious he sounded. As a policy, agents didn't
bring extra baggage back from missions, so whoever the blond was, he must be important enough to break policy.
"He's a civilian Declan. Give him the usual." She yelled back, a look of fear passing over her face.
Declan was surprised. He'd never seen fear in Katrina, and it scared him. Whoever this guy was, he had her shaken
up and Declan hated him for that. Declan reached into a black bag on the passenger side of the helicopter and pulled
out a syringe. He handed it to Katrina without any comment. She knew what to do with it. A few minutes later she
returned and, tossing the black bag on the floor, collapsed into the passenger seat.
"You okay?" Declan asked, glancing over at her. Her face was gray from pain and her jaw was clinched.
"As well as can be expected for having a bullet rip through my quad." She said as she leaned down to
rummage through Declan's black bag. "Hey, do you have any painkillers in here?"
Declan nodded and was going to tell her where when she made an 'aha' sound and her hand emerged clutching them.
She grabbed a bottle of water and downed the pills in one gulp.
"What happened out there Katrina?" Declan watched as a shadow of pain crossed over her face.
"Just a fluke Dec," she said, turning away from him to stare out the window. "Just a fluke."
That was the end of it. She wouldn't talk any more and he wouldn't ask. Everything was quiet except for the thwapping
of the helicopter blades as they sped across the brown Angolan desert towards safety.
*****
The medics were waiting when they made it back to ISA headquarters. Declan heard Carrie tell them to take the blond
to the medical ward, then to send him back as soon as possible. Sending back was done to all civilians who inadvertently
ended up at the secret ISA headquarters. They would be given a drug that erased their short-term memory, then dumped
on their front steps, not remembering anything that happened in the last 48 hours. Whoever the blond was, he'd
be gone soon. Declan wouldn't have been able to deny he would be glad to see him go.
That's why Declan was surprised to walk into the briefing for the next leg of the Angola Mission and see the blond
talking to Shane Donavan. Declan quickly scanned the room for Katrina. He was surprised not to find her there.
He looked at his watch. 08:05 and the meeting hadn't even started yet.
Just then the door slammed open and Katrina stalked in wearing her customary all black and a scowl on her face.
Something was definitely going on.
"Ah Katrina, nice of you to grace us with your presence." Shane said as he motioned everyone to sit down.
Declan had always noticed a strange easiness between Katrina and Director Donavan, but it had never been so evident.
Any other Project Leader would have been removed from the team for showing up late to a briefing. Declan moved
to his seat. Katrina sat down on one side of the director and the blond sat on the other.
"We have a lot to cover this morning, but let me make an introduction first." Shane gestured to the blond.
"This is Dr. Mike Horton. He will be assisting us on this next leg of the mission."
"It's nice to be here with you all." Mike said, looking around the room. Declan noticed as Mike's eyes
scanned the people that he wasn't making eye contact with Katrina. Oh Katrina, Declan thought to himself, is this
why you carry that pain around with you all the time? I've always known that someone hurt you, and it must be this
doctor. Declan looked towards Katrina. Her face was pale and she appeared to be engrossed in her notebook.
"Let's move on with the briefing, shall we?" Shane said. "Katrina? Your turn."
Katrina's head jerked up.
"Um, yes." She cleared her throat. "On the next stage of the plan…"
Delcan stared at Mike Horton as Katrina continued on with the briefing. Whoever you are, Doc, I don't like you
already. If you do one thing to hurt Kat, well, I'll have to hurt you.
*****
Carrie could hardly contain her shaking as she stumbled out of the briefing room. Dammit Shane, why didn't you
listen to me, she thought as pain shot through her injured leg. Hopefully this mission would be over soon, and
then she could get Mike out of her life for good.
"Katrina."
Carrie kept walking. She didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment.
"Hey, Katrina." Declan jumped around in front of her. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Declan, I really…"
"Please Kat." Declan said as he grabbed her arm and dragged her into a side hall. "I'm worried about
you. Whoever this Horton guy is, he's got you shaken up and I don't like it."
Carrie stared at Declan, unable to say anything. Oh God, he'd started to figure out about Mike. He stared back
at her, his sandy brown hair falling to one side of his forehead and his face wearing a look of concern. He was
such a good friend who genuinely cared about her. Carrie felt terrible that she'd never been able to feel about
him the way she knew he wanted her to.
"Oh Declan, you always knew me so well," Carrie sighed, her defenses down and her voice tired "Even
though I tried to keep it from being that way. We are kindred spirits that met at the wrong time."
Declan reached out to touch her face.
"I know Kat. Trust me, I know." Declan took his hand away from her face and shoved both hands into his
pockets. "That's why I'm worried about you. Ever since you jumped on the helicopter with Dr. Horton, things
have been wrong. You're not the same person I'm used to seeing."
"It's complicated Dec." Carrie said wryly. "More complicated than you could ever know. Right now
I'm just trying to keep myself afloat. I've got to get through this mission, and then…"
"Then what?" Declan asked as Carrie's voice trailed off.
"Then I'm out of here Dec." Carrie's heart dropped at vocalizing what she knew had to happen. She had
to leave, to go underground. That way no one could ever betray her the way Shane had betrayed her.
"I don't know what to say Kat." With those words, Declan reached out and took her into his arms. Carrie
wrapped her arms around his chest and rested her head on his shoulder. It felt good to lean on someone, if only
temporarily. Carrie stared blankly down the hall, then, her eyes widening, she saw Mike walk past the hallway opening,
then stop. You aren't going to hurt me again, Mike, and I know how to make sure you stay away. Quickly, Carrie
reached her arm around the back of Delan's neck, pulling his face towards her.
"Kiss me" she muttered, crushing her lips to his as they stood in the hallway. Carrie felt Declan shudder
as he relaxed into her bittersweet embrace. I'm sorry, my friend. I'm sorry to use you this way. I love Mike so
much, but I can't go back with him, I can't go back to Salem and my old life, and my old pain, and this kiss will
help keep him away from me.
*****
Mike's heart had been breaking during the whole meeting. It was becoming apparent that his presence was hurting
Carrie more than helping. The only thing she seemed to feel towards him was anger. He had to talk to her alone,
to find out if she didn't ache for him the way that he ached for her. If she said no, if she could honestly say
there was nothing left, Mike decided he would leave after his part of the assignment was over.
"Have you seen Katrina?" he asked a young ISA agent walking his way. She nodded.
"She was down that way, talking to Declan."
Declan? Mike remembered the handsome helicopter pilot and the intimacy he'd seen between Declan and Carrie. A brief
surge of jealousy went through him, and Mike told himself to stop it. He had no claim to Carrie anymore, and he
had no right to be jealous. Mike walked the direction the woman had pointed him. He had to find Carrie alone. She
had been making sure that they were never alone since they returned from Angola.
There was a hallway on his left, and as Mike walked past it, he stopped and shook his head. Did he see what he
thought he'd seen? Mike backed up and stared down the hall as Carrie pulled Declan to her and kissed him. Despair
broke over Mike as he stared at the sight before him.
Oh God, Horton, how stupid are you? He'd hoped that she would ask him to stay: that the prospect of losing him
would jar her memory of how much they'd loved each other. He'd hoped that the distance, the aloofness was just
an act. Dammit Horton, you shouldn't have had so much faith in your own pull on her. She'd made a new life with
new people in it. She'd moved on. Carrie was as lost to him as that day he'd woken on the couch in his office to
find her gone.
Mike realized that he was staring. His body was tense and his hands were clenched. Quickly, he moved past the corridor
and leaned against the wall, his heart racing. There was no need to talk to Carrie now. He would go through the
World Cup Opening ceremony tomorrow, and after that Shane could find another doctor. Mike needed to go home and
start healing, and it would be without Carrie.
"Oh Carrie." He said quietly, the sound of his voice echoing slightly down the hall. "I guess I
loved you move than you loved me."
to Part 4
Copyright © 1998, w3PG, inc.
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