The Supermarket
(November 1996)

Carrie and Austin's apartment.
Carrie: I'm so glad we've gotten rid of Sami. Let's stay home tonight so nothing can happen.
Austin: Uhhh . . .
Carrie: Yes, I agree. I'll make dinner.
She opens the fridge and realizes there is no food inside.
Austin: Uhhh . . .
Carrie: You're right. We'll have to go to the supermarket.
Austin: Uhh . . .
They go to the supermarket.
Carrie: I don't know why we came here. We can live on champagne and sex.
Austin: Uhhh . . . sex.
Carrie: Well, let's buy some candy for Will.
Austin: Uhh. . . .
Carrie: And we can get strawberries for when we have sex later.
Austin: Uhhh . . . sex.
Carrie: Look how long the checkout lines are. It must be one of Sami's awful schemes. Oh, that one's short. But the sign says "Attention parents, no candy in this aisle". We'll have to put Will's candy back.
Austin: Uhhh . . .
Carrie: Hey, where is Will?
Austin: Uhhh. . .
Carrie: It's not important anyway. Let's have sex.
Austin: Uhhhh . . . sex.
Will: They aren't going to do it right here, are they? I'll just go to my office at Titan and wait until they're done.
He goes to his office; the door reads "Will Reed, Senior Executive Vice President".
Lucas: (hiding under the desk) What's he doing here? I was trying to find some dirt on him so I could get him thrown out. I used to get all the nepotistic jobs around here, but Will is Austin's, and Mom loves Austin the most.
Will: Who's there?
Lucas: No one ever overhears AUSTIN when HE talks to himself.
Will: What are you doing?
Lucas: I thought you might need some help, only being a year old and all.
Will: Right.
Lucas: Wow, one word without an "uhhh". How can you talk so well with my brother for a father?
Will: Little children get their brains from their mothers. By the way, I called security when I heard you in here.
Two security guards grab Lucas.
Lucas: Mommy! Mommy, make them stop!
first guard: Your Mommy can't help you now, and that's a fact.
Lucas: John?
John: How'd you know?
Lucas: Lucky guess.
second guard: Do you rrrrrrrecognize me?
Lucas: No.
second guard: It's almost too easy.
They throw Lucas in a jail cell with an adjacent gas chamber conveniently located in the basement of Titan.
John: Hey, Pardner, want to get a drink later?
second guard: This is rrrrrridiculous.
Hope runs in, chased by Bo.
Hope: John, you're invited to my party celebrating my leaving Bo.
Bo: Fancy Face, please. Billie is my past, you are my future.
Hope: Shut up.
Billie: Hi, Bo.
Bo: Billie, I love you. Hope is my past, you are my future.
Billie: Bo, come outside with me. (He does). I didn't want to say this to you inside, but shut up. Hey, isn't that Carly?
Carly: Hello.
Bo: Carly, I love you. Billie and Hope are my past, you are my future.
Carly: Shut up!
Bo: Hope-I mean Billie- I mean Carly- Hi Jenn, why are you crying?
Jenn: Jack realized what a selfish brat I am and left.
Bo: Well, I've been meaning to tell you. Billie, Hope, and Carly are my past; you are my future.
Jenn: I'm not that desperate. John, are you coming to Hope's party? Bring your wif-er, mother-of-your-child.
John: What do you say, mother-of-my-child?
several dozen women: Sure.
John: I meant my unborn child.
About half of the women sit down.
John: I meant Kristen.
other women: Oh.
John: Hey, where's the other guard? Pardner?
second guard: Rrrrrright herrrrre.
He throws a net over John and Bo.
John: Stefano!
Stefano: Duh.
Stefano locks John and Bo up.
John: No one can save us now. Jack's gone, Austin's busy, and everyone else is either evil or a woman.
Bo: Yeah. I wish women could save men like men save women.
voices: John! Bo!
John&Bo: Wow! It's Marlena and Kristen! You've come to save us.
Kristen: Hardly. We can do better.
Marlena: We just came to laugh at you.
They laugh, get bored, and leave.

THE END
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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