At Sami's Trial
(October 1998)

All of Salem is in court for Sami's trial.

Austin: Uh . . . I . . . uh . . . have . . . uh . . . to . . . uh . . . support . . . uh . . . Sami.
Carrie: You've been with her all night. Can I just show you these papers that say our marriage is invalid because Mickey screwed up again?
Austin: You're . . . uh . . . so . . . uh . . . selfish! I'm . . . uh . . .going . . . uh . . . to . . . uh . . . see . . . uh . . . Sami. (leaves)
Mike: It's okay, Carrie.
Carrie: Thanks. You're such a good friend, and I know that's all we are because we kiss and give each other presents and spend entire days together and dance and stare at each other constantly.
Mike: Yes, we're just friends. It has to be this way. You're committed to Austin just like Marlena was committed to Roman and Bo was committed to Billie.
Mickey: The judge is coming!
Taylor: Hi, I'm the judge. I know I'm only a college freshman, but I'm getting course credit for presiding over this trial.
Mickey: My first witness is Samantha Gene Brady.
Taylor: Trust is everything. So do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Sami: Well, I'm prone to bouts of amnesia, so I have a little trouble with that whole truth part.
Taylor: Good enough.
Mickey: Sami, did you have a fairly normal childhood?
Sami: Yes, except my parents kept getting kidnapped and tortured by Stefano.
Lexie: I resent the implication that my father is a bad person just because he brainwashes people!
Mickey: Sami, you come from a large family, correct?
Sami: Yes, I have two men one of whom is probably my father but you never know in Salem, my mom, my brother Eric, my half-sister Carrie, my half baby sister Belle, and my honorary baby brother Brady.
Marlena: (gasp) Belle and (gasp) Brady? Is she (gasp) hallucinating?
John: (squints) She must be, and that's a fact. If we had young children named Belle and Brady, we'd see them once in a while, and that's a fact.
Taylor: The witness is incompetent because she believes that there are young children living in Salem that no one ever sees. Call another witness.
Mickey: Hope Williams Brady.
Taylor: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Hope: After I discover my missing years.
Stefano: NO! You must neverrrr discoverrrr those yearrrs. (he shoots her)
All: You bastard!
Lexie: I resent the implication that my father is a bastard just because he shot Hope.
Abe: The Salem PD will not let you get away with this, DiMera! (He and Roman attempt to handcuff him, but instead they handcuff themselves together and knock themselves unconscious trying to get free. Stefano runs off.)
Bo: Don't worry, Fancy Face, I'll protect you.
Craig/Mike/Lexie: She's dead.
Bo: Oh. Say, Billie, have I told you lately that I love you and only you and that Hope is my past and you are my future?
Billie: Oh, Bo . . .
Hope: Bo, I thought you loved me!
Craig/Mike/Lexie: Sorry. We have a lot of trouble with that alive-dead thing.
Billie: (clenching her fists in frustration) Oh, Bo! I broke a nail and it's all Hope's fault for not being dead.
Hope: Now Bo and I can never be together.
Taylor: Let's get back to the trial. Nicole was about to take the stand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Nicole: Of course not. I can never let Eric and Sami discover my past.
Eric: That was not at all an indication that I can't trust Nicole.
Mickey: I call Kate Roberts instead.
Taylor: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
Kate: I always do! Don't believe what that little witch Sami has been telling you!
Mickey: You believe my client is a little witch?
Kate: Yes, and I've come too far to stop now.
Mickey: Well, Kate obviously can't help my client's case.
(Just then, Franco enters.)
Franco: I haf come to pan-ish those who haf wronked me!
Mickey: Not now. I'm trying to prove Sami didn't kill you.
Taylor: You haven't proved anything. Sami gets the gas chamber. There's one in Aremid, I think.
All: Too bad. But if a lawyer like Mickey couldn't save Sami, who could?

The End
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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