At Jack's Trial
(November 1996)

Well, so we don't have to waste our time watching the trial, I thought Id sum it up here before the show gets to it. Of course, the ending is wishful thinking.

Everyone in Salem is at the courthouse for Jack's trial. All stand as the judge comes in. The judge is Kristen.
Mickey: Hi, Kristen. How are you?
Jack: Don't you think we should ask for a different judge?
Mickey: Why?
Jack: I'm on trial for killing her brother.
Mickey: Kristen, do you think you have a conflict of interest here?
Kristen: No.
Mickey: See, Jack, there's no problem.
John: Kristen, I didn't know you were a judge (sniff). And that's a fact.
Kristen: There's a lot you don't know about me and our baby.
John: I wish we could have had the baby for Thanksgiving (sniff). I bet our baby will love turkey, and that's a fact.
Kristen: I'm sure our baby is already stuffed. Order in the court! Mickey, make your statement.
Mickey: Uhhh . . . statement . . . My client is innocent. So, did you see the game the other day? Someone else is guilty. Look at that dog!
Kristen: Thank you. Call a witness.
Mickey: Billie Reed.
Kristen: Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Billie: Come on. I live in Salem.
Kristen: Well, will you tell a little bit of the truth some of the time?
Billie: Sure.
Mickey: Billie, what is your relationship to Jack Deveraux?
Billie: We're friends. I don't think he could purposely kill anyone.
Kristen: We can't count that testimony. You're in contempt of court.
Billie: Why?
Kristen: You obviously thought it would be funny to suck helium before you got on the stand. Nobody's voice just sounds like that. And besides, it's almost December and you're wearing a T-shirt.
Mickey: I call Marlena Evans-Craig-Brady-Smith-Jones- oh never mind. I call Doc.
Kristen: Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Marlena: (gasp) Yes I (gasp) do. Eventually. When no one cares anymore (gasp).
Mickey: Marlena, is Jack Deveraux mentally stable?
Marlena: I (gasp) will tell you as soon as (gasp) the baby is born.
Kristen: Next witness, Mickey.
Mickey: I call Maggie Horton. Hey, neat. That's my last name too.
Maggie: I'm your wife.
Mickey: If you are, why have we only been in the same room for ten minutes total all year?
Maggie: Because you're a terrible lawyer who's always busy losing lawsuits. Hey, I could get everything in a divorce. Alice, should I leave your son?
Alice: Follow your heart, dear.
Mickey: Mom?!?!?!?!?!?!
Alice: Follow your heart, dear.
Mickey: So I should chase her?
Alice: Follow your heart, dear.
Mickey runs out.
Jack: I guess I'm my own lawyer now. I call Hope Williams Brady.
Hope tries to get into the witness stand but her chest won't fit. She stands next to it instead.
Jack: Hope, should I go to jail?
Hope: No! You've been abused by the police! You weren't given enough tea!
Kristen: He wasn't given tea? In that case he should walk.
Jenn (Missy Reeves): No, he should be jailed for impersonating my husband, and not too well, either.
Kristen: Jenn, you look different. Less like a model and more like a person.
Jenn: That's true. I'm the real Jennifer. I hired that woman (points at Stephanie Cameron) to impersonate me while I looked for Jack. I just didn't love Peter.
Jack (Matthew Ashford): He (Mark Valley) is supposed to be me? How stupid are you? Jennifer, let's get out of here.
Jenn: No THEY should get out of here. WE can act.
All: Hooray!

BACK to ClayZebra's INDEX

Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.

Copyright © 1998, w3PG, inc.

LinkExchange Network