Monday, December 20, 1999

Today's show opens in a parking lot, where Nancy has just been hit by a car.
Driver: I'm so sorry! I didn't see her coming! I'm so sorry! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! I lay down my life at your feet in forgiveness! I shall never recover! I feel myself going mad!
Craig: Sorry, you aren't getting any more lines. You're still just a guest actor.
Driver:
(as he is pulled offscreen) Hi, Mom!

MEANWHILE, Abe and Lexie arrive home (yes, it seems that they do have one).
Lexie: I love you. You're so intelligent, except when Stefano is involved. Or one of his children. Actually, I never remember you catching anyone except people who aren't guilty but are willing to take a fall and turn themselves in. But you are loving, I think, although we never do anything but work so we can't be sure. Well-you're handsome. That's why I love you.
Abe: And you make me happier than I ever thought possible, except when you're nagging me about infertility treatments or trusting Brandon over me or running around with the biggest criminal in town because he happens to be your father. Which is most of the time. But, let's celebrate our love.
Lexie: Your point is?
Abe: Sex. Let's have sex.
(They are called to the hospital because of Nancy's accident.)
Lexie: I have to calm Craig down.
(to Craig) Craig, if you don't do as I say, Nancy will die.
Craig: That's very comforting.

MEANWHILE, a new cyber cafe has appeared in Salem, and Mimi, Belle, Philip, and Shawn-not-Douglas are logged on to the Coffeerooms Message Boards.
Philip: You mean they fired me?
Belle: I can't believe they said that about my voice!
Shawn-not-Douglas: Ha ha. Most people seem to like me. See, Philip, money isn't everything.
Philip: I still think you should bet on video games with me. You're a cop's son.
Shawn-not-Douglas: And who ever heard of cops caring about what the laws are?
Philip: I still say you wish you were the heir to the Kiriakis fortune.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Yo, Uncle Philip, I'm Victor's biological grandson. You think your dad wouldn't give me any amount of money I wanted if I asked?
Shawn-so-old-they-gave-his-name-away:
(entering) Hi, it's me, Santa. I'm collecting money for the hospital Christmas.
Shawn-not-Douglas: I have a few dollars for that.
Philip: Who, me? Me have money? Never!
(turning) Hey, Belle, I'll buy you a latte.

MEANWHILE, most of Titan is at Tuscany, as are Ivan and Celeste! Woo hoo!
Vivian: Ivan, Celeste, where have you been?
Ivan: Shacked up.
Celeste: Actually, we lost our contracts.
Vivian: But I miss seeing you.
Celeste: Don't worry, you'll be joining us soon enough.
Ivan: But we don't want your company, Miss Alamain.
(There is a pause as Hell freezes over.)
Ivan: Your obsession with Victor us becoming unhealthy.
All: Becoming?
(nearby)
Kate:
(pouting) I wanna go home.
Victor: I forbid it.
Kate: Who are you to forbid it?
Victor: Owner of Titan, owner of the house you live in, sometime killer and blackmailer, and all around jerk.
Kate:
(annoyed) Vivian just HAD to make you go back to the way you were.
Victor: Oh, let me make a toast. To the man who stood by my family when I was unable to, at least for the past month or so, and who shoved his tongue down my almost-wife's throat a few seconds ago. Nicholas Alamain!
(nearby)
Nikki: Aunt Viv, I hope you aren't upsetting Kate.
Vivian: Um, Nikki dear, have you spent any time with me over the past six or seven years?
Nikki: Apparently not.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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