Wednesday, November 24, 1999

Welcome to Wednesday's Synopsis. Since we left our heroes,
Mike returned to Salem to sweep Carrie off her feet. They left town on a white horse, but as neither of them could ride, they fell off and were trampled. They're in the coma ward along with Father Francis (last seen trying to tell Kristen that John did not kill Tony DiMera), so don't expect to hear from them for a while. Austin, saddened by the possible death (these Salem doctors are never too sure about the life-death thing, so they stick everyone in the coma ward) of his ex-wife, celebrated by kissing her little sister, who was having trouble coping with her son Will's abnormally slow growth rate-- the kids who used to be within a year of his age are now high school seniors while he struggles to get out lines like "I love you, Mommy." Of the now-older kids, Shawn-D has dropped the "D" because there's no reason to honor his Horton side since there are no Hortons left in Salem besides Mickey, Maggie, and Alice unless you want to count Lucas and Will. Gina and Hope have switched places so many times that no one knows (or cares) who is who, but the "Hope" currently in Salem is Gina, because as I said we're trying to get rid of all the Hortons here. Victor has wised up and started scheming with Vivian, but she is pining away from her one true love, Ivan, and will soon be moving from Salem to wherever the heck he is. And now for today's exciting episode.

Vivian, in disguise, is gathering evidence against the crooked doctor who has been overmedicating Victor to steal his money.
Victor: I'll pretend to be asleep by opening my eyes and giving you a lot of thumbs-up signals while you make Bad Doc tell us his plans.
Vivian: That's actually a good idea. I guess you haven't lost all of your brains just because you're letting Kate ruin your company and spoil your son.
Bad Doc:
(arriving) Let's not stay in Victor's room. Let's go somewhere private for our date.
Vivian: Privacy? What's the fun in that? A date just isn't a date unless everyone who has ever been hung up on either of us is spying on us.

MEANWHILE, Nancy has skipped town with a suitcase full of money.
Nancy: Nothing in my life is going to change!
Woman: There's a realistic goal for you.
Nancy: Here's twenty-five grand in cash.
Woman: Nothing in your life is going to change.

MEANWHILE, Lili Faversham has some surprise visitors.
Lili: You're from the BMW? I have enough cars.
Man: No, we're from the ISA. Do you know Princess Gina?
Lili: No, but I'll give you a call if I find someone who does.
Man: You don't have our number . . . hey, who is the woman in this photo?
Lili: That's Hope Williams. And I won't help you disturb her! I won't tell you where to find her.
Man: Oh no. I guess we'll never find her, then, despite the fact that her brother in law, her adoptive brother-in-law, her ex-husband's brother-in-law, and her son's almost-step-mother have all been involved in the ISA at one time or another.

MEANWHILE, Belle and Mimi are getting ready for the high school dance at John and Marlena's penthouse.
(arriving) I came to see Belle. Not you, Mimi, even though you're my date.
Mimi: Why not?
Shawn-not-Douglas: Well, Belle wants to be like her sister Sami and sleep with the guy her long-suffering best friend has a crush on but that she professes not to like. I wouldn't leave Belle and me alone on the floor of the Titan photo room if I were you.
Mimi: Gotcha.
Belle: I know why you're talking to me, Shawn-not-Douglas.You don't want me to hang around with you and Mimi at the dance.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Yeah, I want some time alone with Mimi. That's why she had to literally get down on her knees and beg me to take her to the dance.
Belle: Well, I don't care what you want, SHAWN BRADY!!
Shawn-not-Douglas: I've found that calling someone by their full name is more effective if you use their middle name, too.
Belle: You have a middle name? I never remember anyone calling you anything but Shawn.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Hee hee. I'll see you at the dance.
Marlena: Belle, before you leave, I wanna say something to you.
Belle: Not a pep talk.
Marlena: No. I wanted to say that you look like a slut and red isn't your color.
John: But if you do want a pep talk, I know all the guys will regret not asking me.
Belle: Actually, they did ask me. And I told them off.
John: Wow. It's gonna be awful hard to feel sorry for you if Philip makes a fool out of you at the dance tonight.
(Belle and Mimi leave)
John: Doc, I've been thinking. You're kidnapped every other week, your children are insane, your husband doesn't really remember his life before he met you, and you were even possessed a few years ago. You really need therapy.
Marlena: Let's have sex instead.
John: Good enough.
(sex ensues)
Marlena: I know we promised Belle we wouldn't go to the dance, but let's go anyway.
John: Yeah. Hey, I wonder how your older daughter learned to be such a liar and go back on her word so quickly at her slightest whim?

MEANWHILE, Kate will be chaperoning at the dance.
Kate: Nikki, you're my date. Just let me get into my spare cocktail dress.
Nikki: You only have one spare cocktail dress?
Kate: Well, Titan isn't making as much money as it used to before I was in charge, so I had to cut back.
(puts on dress) What's wrong?
Nikki: You've been in a love triangle with my great-aunt for years and now I'm staring at your breasts, but nothing other than that.
(they arrive at the dance)
Philip: Mom?! What are you doing here?! Go away!!
Kate: What's wrong with him? I never heard of a teenager being embarrassed by having his parents at a school dance.
Nikki: Don't look at me. One day Shawn-not-Douglas and I were best friends and the next I was an investment banker and he was taking geometry.
Philip: Hi, it's Philip. Yeah, two thousand on the home team. (hangs up phone) I don't know how sixteen-year-olds lived before they had their own bookies.
Shawn-not-Douglas: I know you think you've won by making these bets that Belle wouldn't have a date, but you haven't. You haven't won, Philip!
(storms off)
(calling after) That's UNCLE Philip to you!
Shawn-not-Douglas: Belle, listen, I want to ask you to be my date. Despite the fact that I'm here with your best friend. You seem full enough of yourself to go with it.
Belle: No. You only want to be my date because you want to know how I aged ten years when you only aged four. Well, I won't!! I will take the secret to my grave!
(Belle laughs evilly as the credits roll.)

End of Show
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