Monday, October 11, 1999

It slices, dices, and makes a radish rose. It's both a breath mint and a candy mint; even Mikey likes it. It can wash your car while making your bed. It's the one, the only, Clay Zebra's Columbus Day Synopsis! Accept no imitations.

Today's shows starts with Belle throwing a birthday party for Marlena.
(gasp) Belle, you shouldn't have (gasp).
Belle: I wanted to.
(mad) You really shouldn't have. You're grounded. I'm Marlena Evans! The aging process has no affect on me! No birthdays. And don't you dare call me "grandma!"
Belle: But a 50s party lets me wear my hair in pigtails.
(gasp) For once, something appropriate for someone born in 1993 (gasp).
Belle: Plus, Maggie gets to dance and she may even get a few lines.
Maggie: I would just like to say that I hope Shawn-Douglas isn't too discouraged just because his parents refused to let him come home from boarding school when he asked to.
John: He'll get over it. Oh, I'd like to announce that this was the best year of my life because only one of my children was put on death row, only one vanished, only one had her marriage break up, only one had his fiancee marry someone else without telling him, and only one aged ten years during my honeymoon, and during that honeymoon I only woke up in the hospital with amnesia once.
All: Hooray!
John: Doc, since when do you like corn dogs?
Marlena: Oh, since I used to buy them for Eric when he was a little boy.
John: I thought that you were dead when he was a kid and when you came back he was shipped off to Colorado.
Marlena: Well, that's why I got to eat them myself.

MEANWHILE, it's Gina versus Gina somewhere in Europe.
Gina/Hope: John is happily married and committed to his wife and their three children.
Real Gina: How can you possibly count their children as three? I can see counting them as one, two, four, or five, but three?
Gina/Hope: We want everyone to forget about Brady because if Belle has a brother one year older than she is it will make it obvious that something weird happened when Shawn-D, who should have been several years older than Brady, became only one year older than Belle.
Real Gina: Poor Brady. So is he still at baseball camp?
Gina/Hope: Yup, and he's pretty damn good now.
Real Gina: So, about John. Are you saying . . .
Gina/Hope: Yup. We did the deed. It was great. Wanna hear about it in more detail?
Real Gina: No thanks.
Gina/Hope: I can see you're upset.
Real Gina: How? I've got so many veils over my face that I look like Cousin It. Or at least the Woman In White. Maybe John can have a woman veiled in a different color moaning after him every year. By the way, if John was under Stefano's control as a mercenary when he was young, how was he also a priest counseling Peter and Kristen's mother in New Orleans?
Gina/Hope: Must you ask complicated questions about everything I tell you?
Real Gina: Sorry. I don't get out much.

MEANWHILE, nearby:
Stefano: How did Bo escape?
Bart: Lucky, I guess. We know he couldn't have thought his way out of a dangerous situation.
Stefano: I don't know if I can trust you, Bart. I don't know if I can trust anyone. Did I ever tell you that it's a very good idea for the head of a crime syndicate to tell his subordinates he thinks everything is out of control?

MEANWHILE, Greta bids Kurt adieu.
Kurt: I'm sorry I was rude to you. And I'm sorry I didn't introduce you to my mother the countess. Can I make it up to you?
Greta: You could explain why your mother's a countess but you're a caretaker for an abandoned castle.

MEANWHILE, back in Salem, it's the same old story at the Kiriakisless Mansion.
Austin: Uh Sami uh would uh get uh along uh with uh Lucas uh for uh Will. She uh just uh never uh has.
Nicole: You're just brainwashed!
Austin: There uh was uh nothing uh there uh to uh wash.
(calling on phone) I love you, Nicole.
Nicole: I love me, too.
(Austin leaves, Brandon enters.)
Brandon: What were you guys talking about?
Nicole: You mean you weren't eavesdropping?
Brandon: Of course I was, but I thought it'd be polite to ask.

MEANWHILE, Sami and Lucas are flying to The State Capital to sign Will's custody papers. (Sami and Lucas in the same scene . . . lucky me. :-)
Lucas: How dare you accuse me of lying while we're on our way to The State Capital?
Sami: Well, we used to tell lies together, remember? Of course I expect the worst of you, even if we are flying to The State Capital. You've just been lying so long you don't know what the truth is.
Lucas: Takes one to know one. Well, here we are at The State Capital.
Sami: Judge, I've traveled all the way to The State Capital to ask you if I have a chance of getting full custody.
Judge: Why, of course, you're obviously such a sweet, innocent, caring thing.
Lucas: Well, let's get back on the plane from The State Capital. I should make you walk, or take the bus, Sami. Why don't I?
Sami: Because you know that no one from Salem ever gets on a plane that doesn't crash and you want to take me with you?

MEANWHILE, Lexie and Brandon chat at the hospital.
Lexie: This is an ovulation kit. I'm trying to get pregnant.
Brandon: More than I needed to know.
(in his face) You don't sound happy! Do you have a problem with my sex life?!
Brandon: No, Ma'am.
Lexie: Good.
Brandon: I just didn't realize--
Lexie: Well, why not? My business is your business.
Brandon: In that case, will you keep you job?
Lexie: I can be a good mom and still run a practice.
Brandon: In Salem, there's actually a very slim chance of your doing either.

End of Show
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