Monday, August 23, 1999

Welcome to the last Mondayís Synopsis before Iím dragged kicking and screaming back to class.

Mike and Carrie are exactly where theyíve been for the past few days, Carrieís room.
Mike: Because of me, youíve lost your marriage, your job, and the respect of your family. So, Iíd like to end the relationship you threw everything away for. Noble of me, huh? I just donít want to be the one to hurt you.
Carrie: Itís a little late for that.
Mike: We canít keep plotting to get revenge on Ali. Youíll be her next victim.
Carrie: Her obsession is with you, not me. Itís not like she carries a voodoo "Carrie doll" around in her purse.

MEANWHILE, the midnight oil is burning at Titan.
Nikki: Billie, letís go to your office and look at that European plan you have.
Billie: Nikki, Iím watching you. I know that normal people donít go to offices to work. You must have something up your sleeve.
(over shoulder, threatening) Vivian, Iím gonna keep an eye on your nephew!!
Vivian: Iím shaking.
Nikki: Billie, your mother has obviously taught you a lot.
Billie: Amazing how she managed to do that even though I didnít meet her until I was an adult, after Iíd spent years living on the streets with my brother, trying to keep away from my abusive father.
(Billie and Nikki leave Kate and Viv alone.)
Vivian: Stefano wouldnít have helped you if her didnít want something from you.
Kate: He wanted a good return on his stock.
Vivian: If that were the case, youíd think heíd want you OUT of Titan.
Kate: Leave me alone. I have to worry about whether Victor will ever get well enough to come home.
Vivian: Well, these things can really only be determined by contract negotiations, so worrying wonít help much.

MEANWHILE, the hospitalís new Chief of Staff celebrates at the Penthouse Grill.
Caroline: My granddaughter was just at the center of a scandal that resulted in the ousting of the old chief of staff, but I think Iíll come to the restaurant where the new chiefís party is being held to celebrate the freedom of another of my granddaughters, who has been free for several months.
Sami: Thatís great.
(aside) Austin, did you see the tension between Lexie and Craig?
Austin: I . . . donít . . . wanna . . . talk . . . about . . . that . . . I . . . wanna . . . concentrate . . . on . . . having . . . fun.
Sami:
(sympathetic) I know it takes all of your brain cells to concentrate on having fun.
(nearby)
Ali: Craig and Nancy think Iím certifiable, but wait until they see what happens after Nancy drinks that champagne. Of course, as a medical professional, Iím pretty sure that you arenít certifiable if your behavior is drug-induced.
(nearby)
Abe: (crawling under the table to check out Nancy rubbing a board memberís thigh) Well, itís nice to get a chance to put my detective skills to work.
Nancy:
(drooling over Abe as he gets back in his seat) Do you have a big gun, Commander Carver? I like big guns.
Abe: Itís big enough to get the job done.
Nancy: Can I see it?
Abe: I donít take it out in public.
Nancy: Well, you can show me some time when weíre alone.
(Nancy goes to visit the Brady bunch.)
Brandon: Hello, Samantha, whatís wrong?
Sami: Well, ever since I got off death row, people have been calling me Samantha, and every time I hear it I start looking around for my dead, psychotic aunt who once tried to take over my momís life.
Brandon: Oh. Iím having a bad day too; I interrupted Lexieís night off trying to get her to hire me, and for some reason she seemed annoyed.
Sami: Iíll put in a good word for you.
Brandon: With your reputation? No thanks.
Nancy: Sami!! Iím so glad youíre off death row. I woulda died if youíd been executed, although I was the foreman of the jury that wrongfully convicted you of murder.

(Nancy drapes herself over Shawn.)
Sami: Uh, thanks Nancy, Look, weíll get you a chair--
Nancy: No! I wanna sit on sexy Shawn!
Craig:
(rushing over) Nancy!
Sami: Craig, I think sheís been drugged.
Caroline: But who would do such a thing?
Sami: Well, maybe someone who just knew that she could make her sisterís boyfriend happier than her sister could.
(pause) Why is everyone staring at me?

LATER, Craig heads for Aliís apartment.
Ali: What?
Craig: No one hurts my wife and gets away with it. If you thought the way the last Chief of Staff treated you was bad . . .
(violently chokes her)

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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