Friday, August 20, 1999

Welcome to a synopsis blissfully free of our friends in Paris and which features Sami realizing that Belle has grown up and Craig playing football with Nancyís poodles. I almost didnít have to improve on this show. :)

Kate and Billie are at Titan.
Billie: Nikki Alamain has a hand in Victorís company? Who does he think he is? Surely not Victorís almost-step-son and almost-step-grandson who has known Victor for most of his life.
Kate: I agree itís bad news--
(arriving with Nikki) Whatís the bad news? Besides that leopard skin crop-top Billie is wearing-- thatís dreadfully inappropriate for the office, you know.
Billie: Bite me.
Vivian: Kate, I really came here to apologize to you. Whatever exactly I did slips my mind, although I seem to recall something about having your sonís fetus implanted in my body and then drugging the pilot of your plane so it would crash into the ocean and strand you on a fishing boat for a year, but Iím sorry.
Kate: Iíll give peace a chance.
Nikki: Thatís all we are saying. Now, shake on it.
(They do, but Vivian has a buzzer in her hand, Kate gets insulted, and the
war is back.)

MEANWHILE, Austin sees Lexie on his way out of the hospital.
Lexie: Your marriage is over. Is there no room for hope?
Austin: Well . . . you . . . . need . . . . a . . . . lot . . . . of . . . . room . . . . for . . . . Hope . . . because . . . of . . . those . . . two . . . big--
Lexie: We need to tell ClayZebra that joke has gotten really old. Although Iím under the impression that she just doesnít care. Like you donít care about your marriage.
Austin: What . . . would . . . you . . . do . . . if . . . you . . . found . . . Abe . . . in . . . bed . . . with . . . another . . . woman . . . whom . . . he . . . claimed . . . to . . . love?
Lexie: Iíd say, hallelujah, this is the first storyline weíve had since the one where I found out who my parents are.

MEANWHILE, the objects of Austinís thoughts are in Carrieís hotel room.
Mike: You think Craig and Nancy actively helped Ali? Just because they showed up everywhere we went along with her? Just because they testified for her at the hearing and theyíre always talking to her? Youíre paranoid.
Carrie: Iím also right. We have to get revenge. Ali will think weíre running away if we just leave town.
Mike: Yeah, sheíll think that because we will be running away, and I would be very happy if I could run away with you.
Carrie: And there you have it. Mike Horton, happy. That just isnít done. Now, help me redeem the Horton Code of Honor by lying and cheating.

MEANWHILE, Nancy Wesleyís poodles bark as Craig enters the room.
Craig: Oh, shut up! (They do.)
Nancy: Youíre very good with the dogs. We should fly you to Paris and see if you can shut up the Ginas when they start whining about John.
Craig: Whatever.
Nancy: Whatís wrong?
Craig: I got a letter from your father. What could he possibly want?
Nancy: Hopefully not John Black. Thereís a long enough line for him as it is.
Craig: The last time he wrote to me, he offered me money not to marry you. Which proves that while I may be a sleaze, Iím not as bad as Nicole Walker-Roberts.
Nancy: Youíre the only man Iíll ever want.
Craig: And youíre the only man Iíll ever want.
Nancy: Huh?
Craig: I mean, woman.
(Sex ensues.)

MEANWHILE, Claire and Ali also have the aftermath of the hospital upheaval to deal with.
Claire: Iím going to the hospital dinner party. I have no idea why I was invited, as I had no reason to hang around there for the past few months, but I was invited.
Ali: They didnít invite me?! Just because I extorted three million dollars from them last week?
Claire: I remember the last time I went to this restaurant. I was so happy that you were engaged to Mike Horton, but then I learned that you were totally insane and werenít even dating Mike. So, knowing your state of mind, I think Iíll leave you alone.
(to herself) I remember when I was stalking Mike. Nancy made me wear a ridiculous disguise. Iíll show her. Iíll put on an even more ridiculous disguise and stalk HER!

MEANWHILE, Sami and Belle have been shopping.
Sami: Thanks for being patient, Belle. You know, it took me three days to get your last birthday present.
Belle: Well, it was worth the effort. You donít have ten birthdays at once just every year.
(eyeing her critically) You really have grown up fast. I thought it was neat when I went from eight to fifteen in six months, but five to fifteen in two weeks must be a record.
(arriving and interrupting) Hi, Sami!
Sami: Brandon, this is my sister Belle. Belle, this is Brandon, Nicoleís brother.
Belle: Iím not really pleased to meet you because your sister broke my brotherís heart. But I wouldnít want to be judges by my sisterís actions--
Sami: Hey! Just because I drugged a man and raped him and then passed his brotherís child off as his own and ruined his wedding and spent years keeping him from talking to his fiancée who happened to be my sister and even went so far as to beat myself up and have Carrie thrown in jail for the crime and lied to the real father of my child and lied about the real father of my child so he lost custody and faked paralysis and faked amnesia and told my dying father that my brother in law was my husband and--
Belle: I meant my other sister, that adulterous slut Carrie.
Brandon: I like you, Belle. So Iím inviting you over to the mansion owned by the onetime fiancé of the mother of the husband of my sister.
Belle: Thatís four degrees. I can do it in two: Victor is my half-brotherís grandfather, and Iím named after his daughter.
Brandon: Youíre good.
Sami: You should come over some time, Belle. Just not when Lucas and Kate and Nicole are around.
Brandon: Donít you like anyone in Salem?
Sami: I like Belle. I like her so much I once kidnapped her and sold her on the black market.
Belle: True story.
Brandon: Belle, you are wise for your age. Are you going to be a shrink some day?
Belle: No! There are enough shrinks in my family.
Sami: Thereís one.
Belle: Thatís enough.
Brandon: How about you, Sami?
Sami: I donít really know what Iíll do now that I canít work at Titan.
Brandon: I wish I had the luxury of hanging around a mansion not working.
Sami: You do.
Brandon: Oh yeah.
(arrives) Hi.
Belle: Um, gotta go!
Sami: That was subtle. Oh, Austin I got you a gift. I hope you like it; Belle helped me pick it out. See? Itís a scarlet letter "A" that Carrie can pin to her chest.
Austin: I . . . love . . . it.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.

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