Friday, August 13, 1999

Gina/Hope and Robo Bo are in France.
Bo: I forget the last four hours, and I have a headache of exactly the same kind as John got when the chip Stefano put in his brain acted up. Iím sitting here with one of Stefanoís lackeys. Dare I make a connection?
Gina/Hope: No! Stefano is the enemy! He took me from my family for four years. What was our kidís name again?
Bo: Stop it. You arenít Hope. Youíre no more that woman than I am.
(squinting at him) That gesture did look a little feminine.
Bo: Oh, shut up.

MEANWHILE, Kate and Nikki are finishing up what Iím sure was a productive day at Titan.
Nikki: Come to dinner with me. You have to eat.
Kate: Nikki, look around you. How many women in Salem do you think actually eat?
(As she says this, she bites her pen, which squirts all over both of them. They feel embarrassed and we donít see them for the rest of the show.)

MEANWHILE, Aliís party at the Penthouse Grill is not much fun.
Craig: (to Nancy) Quick, look depressed, hereís Claire. Itís not like we chewed her out a couple of hours ago because I didnít get to be Chief of Staff. (loudly) Boy do I feel bad for Mike.
Claire: Oh, come off it, Wesley.
Austin: You . . . were . . . the . . . one . . . who . . . . e-mailed . . . me . . . the . . . photos . . . of . . . Mike . . . and . . . Carrie . . . in . . . Las . . . Vegas.
Ali: I never saw those photos before tonight.
Sami: Where did you get the photos?
Ali: Um . . . Mommy!?
(Sami rolls her eyes in exasperation because she never gets to interrogate anyone who doesnít get Mommy to answer for him/her.) A family friend who does publicity shots, thatís it!!
Sami: So now I know that you HAVE seen the photos before!
Ali: Damn.
Austin: Carrieís . . . marriage . . . is . . . nobodyís . . . business . . . but . . hers . . . and . . . mine.
Sami: And mine!
Austin: And . . . Samiís. Iím . . . lucky . . . to . . . have . . my . . . brotherís . . . son . . . and . . . the . . . woman . . . who . . . drugged . . . me . . . into . . . bed . . . in . . . my . . . life.
Ali: Sami, I hope you donít have your sights set on this guy.
Helpless Viewers: Donít we all.
(Sami and Austin take off.)
Craig: Ali, youíre such a stupid freak and Iím sorry I even bothered to use you to try to get to be Chief of Staff. (Ali spits on him.) I donít understand why youíre so hostile to Nancy and myself.
Ali: Well, actually itís your grammar. I had a high school English teacher who handed out detention to people who mis-used reflexive pronouns . . . or maybe itís the fact that you lied about wanting to help me?
Nancy: Craig! Craig! Youíve just been made COS!
Craig: I love it when the bad guys win.

MEANWHILE, Mike and Carrie gaze out her hotel room window and are visited by the hospital board.
Carrie: Thatís a picture of us kissing in Las Vegas.
Board: We want your resignation.
Mike: Isnít the fact that that photo just happened to fly by Aliís party a little weird?
Board: A Las Vegas hotel advertising in Salem? Thatís not weird. In fact, in the words of out friend ClayZebra, we see nothing unusual about that.
Mike: I am a good COS. I treat everyone equally. I sleep with nurses, I sleep with PR directors, hey, my ex-wife was a doctor here and if she came back Iíd sleep with her, too.
Board: Weíre sorry.
Mike: I resign.
(Board leaves.) At least I still have you, Carrie.
Carrie: No, Mike. Ali took our future. I was willing to run off with you when you were still COS, but Iím just not interested anymore. So long.

End of Show
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