Thursday, August 5, 1999

John and Marlenaís daughter goes from age five to age fifteen overnight. Marlena cups her chin in her hand and says, "I think youíve grown." Sometimes itís too easy.

As I said, todayís show starts with the end of John and Marlenaís honeymoon.
Marlena: John! John!
(panicky) Some blonde teenager has broken into our house.
Girl: Mom! Iím your daughter.
Marlena: Hmm, youíre about fifteen. So you were born in about 1984. That would make you Sami?
Girl: No, Iím Belle.
John: But you were the flower girl at our wedding.
Belle: Iím bridesmaid-age now, though.
John: I must have been on that submarine longer than I thought.
Belle: I wish Brady were here to help me welcome you back. But heís at baseball camp, because heís always been my older brother and it wouldnít make much sense for me to be fifteen and him to be seven.
John: Yes, I know, youíre all alone. Actually, now youíre fairly close in age to your two half-siblings on your motherís side and your honorary sister, so you could be hanging out with them.
Belle: Blah, blah, blah. Did you get me a present?
John: Yes. Here. Butterfly clips, because like a butterfly, you just emerged from your cocoon of the Brady Pub full grown one day.
Belle: Dad! What a crappy present! My friend ClayZebra informs me that she has a set of butterfly hair clips just like these and she bought them for fifty cents in a train station.
Marlena:
(critical but proud) Well, she isnít quite as rude as Sami was at that age, but sheís coming along nicely.

MEANWHILE, one of Belleís no-longer-so-much-older siblings is driving through the French countryside.
Greta:
(shoving her hand down Ericís pants) Eric! Why are you suddenly driving off the road?
Eric: Canít imagine. So, the United Nations . . . .
Greta: Did you know that weíre almost where Van Gogh was when he cut off his ear? Can you imagine wanting to cut off your ear?
Eric: Sure. But I imagine you canít, since Susan left Salem before you arrived.
Greta: I canít believe I didnít know about my motherís second house. But she didnít leave a will; I inherited nothing. So as I donít have the Von Amburg fortune behind me, how exactly have I been living ever since I left the swamp?
Eric: Iíve wondered that myself. I donít know where Iíll get my money since I donít work at Titan. By the way, I want to photograph you.
Greta: But youíre used to photographing beautiful, classy fashion models.
Eric: No, just Nicole.
Greta: Well, okay. But can I borrow your cell phone?
(grabs at his pants again) Oh. Thatís not your cell phone. (pulls it out of his other pocket and dials) Father John?
John:
(on phone) Hey, Greta. Isabella told me Eric called earlier.
Eric:
(pulling the car over) Greta, Isabellaís been dead since I was a little boy. John must be sick. Youíd better call my mom.
John:
(on phone) Eric, I meant your little sister.
Eric: Who is five years old!
John:
(on phone) You mean fifteen. Talk to you later, Greta.
Greta:
(concerned) Eric? Whatís wrong?
Eric:
(upset) Mom and John go off on their honeymoon, and when they come back, their baby daughter is a teenager. I hate it when stuff like this happens. At least with Sami, it took about six months. You could blame the air in Colorado. And Carrie, well, my brother-in-law once told me that one day he went to give this bad-girl with a page boy haircut a kiss, and suddenly she had this long, flowing hair, and the face she had had as a girl but not a teenager. And I guess you never met Jennifer Horton, but one day she went undercover with Jack and when she took off her disguise she had a different face. A few years later, when Jack was in prison, they got in a shower together and when he came out he looked entirely different . . . you just never know when something like this will happen.
Greta:
(comforting) Donít worry. Iím sure weíll discover that Stefano is the cause of all of this and weíll set things right. (They drive on.)

MEANWHILE, Gretaís not-so-dead mother is nearby.
PrincessGina: I miss my petite chou.
Kurt: Iím sorry, but it doesnít fit anymore. Your feet grew.
PrincessGina: Not shoe,
chou. Itís what I call my Greta.
Kurt: Doesnít
chou mean "cabbage?"
PrincessGina: Itís no worse than "Peanut" or "Pumpkin."
Kurt:
(laughing) What kind of idiot would call his daughters "Peanut" and "Pumpkin?"
PrincessGina:
(sighs) Somehow, I think John would. How long have we been here?
Kurt: Way, way, way too long.
Viewers: Amen.

MEANWHILE, back in Salem, Mikeís sexual harassment hearing continues.
Mickey: Describe how Ali was less professional than Mike.
Carrie: Ali just played up to Mike. Perhaps I should mention the flowers and cookies and balloons and lingerie she was always filling his office with, but that would make too much sense.
Gregory: Mike, why did you bring a condom the day you met Ali at her house? Do you expect sex when youíre invited to a womanís house?
Mike: Heck no. I hadnít had sex for years before I met Ali.
Ali: But you and I had it three times that night.
Gregory: Three times! Oh, Mike, donít be embarrassed. This isnít nearly as embarrassing as it was for your "father" Mickey when he found out he was sterile.
Judge: This is a very relevant line of questioning.

End of Show

Wednesday, August 4, 1999

Iím actually writing this one after writing the August 5 one, so bear with me.


Mike is at his sexual harassment hearing.
Gregory: Craig, did Mike try to get rid of Ali?
Craig: I canít read his mind, but I think so.
Gregory: Why?
Craig: Because I told him to, and Mike has a history of being stupid enough to listen to me.
Gregory: How could Mike think Ali was qualified for the head nurse job at another hospital but not the one at his hospital?
Craig: I donít know. Maybe he wanted the best for his own hospital and the second-best for another hospital? Naw, that would make too much sense.
Gregory: Now, Ali, tell me about the night Mike yelled at you during surgery.
Ali: I was upset. So I left the O.R.
Gregory: Thereís professional behavior for you! Walking out of the operating room in the middle of an operation.
Judge: I agree. That seems the professional thing to do.
Gregory: Craig, have you ever seen Mike act unprofessionally?
Craig: I canít say that I have. Although I would really, really like to.

MEANWHILE, Kate and Nikki are both with Victor.
Kate: Victor! How dare you speak with Vivian Alamainís great-nephew?
Victor: Well, he was almost my stepson when I almost married Carly. He was almost my step-grandson when Bo almost married Carly. He was once the best friend of my grandson Shawn-Douglas. Heís the nephew of John, who married my daughter Isabella, and the first cousin of my grandson Brady.
Kate: Damn convoluted Salem relationships.
Victor: Itís not like you to lash out, Kate.
Nikki: Are we talking about the same person, Victor?
Kate: But itís hard with Vivian at Titan and Sami at my home.
Nikki: Well, I donít know anything about Sami. Probably because the writers donít want to point out that I recently passed her in age. But Iím one of only two family members speaking to Vivian, which isnít as bad as I make it sound because she only has three living family members, not counting Belle and Brady who arenít old enough to talk.

MEANWHILE, Sami is indeed at the Kiriakisless Mansion.
Rosa: (on phone) Kate? Híyour voice souns diff-rent. Almost like Sameeís.
Sami:
(on phone) Well, itís nice to see that I can manipulate non-Salemites as well as Salemites.
Rosa:
(on phone) Roberto híwas sach a kine man. Nefer vi-lent, except when he was werking for tha mab and beating wo-men. Thank you for the maney, Kate.
(hangs up)
Brandon: Sami?
Sami: You were eavesdropping on me!
Brandon: Sorry.
Sami: I meant it as a compliment.
Brandon: You know, maybe Kate just gave the money to Rosa because she felt sorry for someone less fortunate than she is.
Sami: Have you noticed how she constantly calls you trashy and servant-like and tells you to leave?
Brandon: She made my sister a cover girl.
Sami: Actually, Eric and I did that with Kate kicking and screaming every step of the way.
Brandon: Why should I trust you and not Kate?
Sami: Because Iím your love interest and thatís how it works.

End of Show

Friday, August 6, 1999

Our story begins in Stefanoís Parisian hideout.
Stefano: Rolf, you have put-done yourself with this contraption. The curling iron that brainwashed Laura was good, but this dentistís chair that will turn Bo into a mercenary is brilliant!
Rolf: You will never get to Bo Brady. He has decided to think lately.
Stefano: Ah, but he is still a Brady and therefore far too easy to manipulate.

MEANWHILE, Bo confronts Gina/Hope.
Gina/Hope: Iím Hope!
Bo: Sorry. Iíve recently grown a brain, and I know thatís not true.
Gina/Hope: Youíre right! Hope is gone, and good riddance!
Bo: She couldnít have had the grace to do this before I threw away my relationship with Billie . . .
Gina/Hope: Iím not Hope.
Bo: But do you remember Shawn-Dís birth?
Gina/Hope:
(seeing photo and flashback) Thatís not Hope. She weighs slightly more than her new baby and you can actually see her face over her breasts.

MEANWHILE, the sexual harassment hearing is winding up.
Reporter: Doctor Carver! Give us a story!
Lexie: Dammit, Reporter! Iím a doctor, not a publicist!
(inside)
Ali: Stop listening to everyone elseís testimony! Listen to me!
Judge: This is perfectly acceptable behavior.
Mickey: Okay, I have a few questions.
Ali: Shoot.
(Mickey pulls out a gun and attempts to end the whole problem, but even this judge decides that thatís against the rules and insists that Mickey continue without props.)
Mickey: Now, this negligee you waved at us.
Ali: Yes.
Mickey: Where can I get one like it for Maggie?
Ali: Just make your point.
Mickey: Ali McIntire never claimed to feel harassed by Mike Horton until long after the completion of their romantic relationship and elevation of a more experienced nurse to the coveted head nurse position. By all accounts, it was Ali who pursued Mike. Mike did not even know that Ali was a candidate for the head nursing job until after they spent their only night together. Ali is suing for revenge and money; she was never harassed; she is simply upset that Mike did not love her.
Ali: Did Mickey Horton just give a strong closing argument, or am I have another one of my hallucinations?

MEANWHILE, today Belle is twenty-five years old! No, sheís still fifteen, and chatting with Marlena.
Marlena: Belle, you know your father.
Belle: I guess so. Although I have this funny feeling, like I met him for the first time yesterday. But speaking of things I know, have you heard the latest about Carrieís and Mikeís affair?
Marlena: How do you know about that?
Belle: Itís been going on since I was a little girl.
Marlena: Well, what about your sister Sami?
Belle: Great news! She moved into the Kiriakisless Mansion Guest House with Austin!
Marlena: Why would anyone other than Sami think thatís great news?
Belle: Well, itís good for her because Austin is hot!
(overvoice) Austin is too good for my sister. Iíll get him away from her. Iíve done too much to stop now.
Marlena: We need to have a Talk.
Belle: We had the Talk a few years ago, remember? Well, you talked, I didnít say much, since I wasnít old enough to talk until yesterday.
Marlena: We can talk about anything youíd like when we go shopping. But no baggy clothes, understand? I want you wearing tight clothes that show off your waist and your plastic boobs. Hey, did I but you your first set of plastic boobs yet?
Belle: What are you getting at?
Marlena: I just want you to focus on life. I donít want you to be a gossipy bubblehead like you obviously are.

End of Show

Tuesday, August 10, 1999


Stefano turns Bo into his new pawn.
Stefano: This is my ultimate rrrevenge on the Brrradys! Their good son will be my avengerrr!
Gina/Hope: Actually, I think Roman was the good son and Bo was the rebel son.
Stefano: Well, too late to switch now. Bo had been improved.
Gina/Hope: Goody! He looks like Robert Kelker-Kelly again?
Stefano: No. But heíll do anything you say.
Gina/Hope: Hey, Brady, go wash the dishes!
(Bo does.) Thanks, Steffy, Bo will be much easier to live with now. (She reverts completely to Hope and takes off for Salem with her toy in tow.)

MEANWHILE, elsewhere in France:
Kurt: Go away, this castle is, um, haunted, yeah, thatís the ticket, haunted!
Eric: I know you donít want us here.
Kurt: How did you deduce that, genius?
(Kurt stalks off to make "haunting" noises from behind the wall.)
Greta: I lived alone in the Bayou for years and years, covered with mud and talking to animals, but now Iím afraid of a fake wolf howl and a mouse. Hold me, Eric.

MEANWHILE, Ericís twin is back in Salem.
Sami: Will, youíre a great swimmer. Austin has taught you everything he knows.
Will: In that case, donít ever take these floats away, please.
Austin: Carrie . . . why . . . are . . . you . . . here?
Carrie: I thought we were married?
Austin: Thatís . . . no . . . reason . . . for . . . me . . . to . . . be . . . decent . . . to . . . you.
Carrie: You also werenít decent to me when you claimed to love me and married my sister. On second thought, why AM I here?

MEANWHILE, the hospital is in an uproar.
Claire: Craig, Nancy, whatís wrong? You canít possibly be mad that I double-crossed you by taking the money and letting Mike keep his job.
Craig: Nope, that canít be it.
Claire: Well, since you two are joined at the hip--
Nancy: Weíre married.
Craig: But weíre in Salem, thatís why itís strange.
Claire: Anyway, come up with your own plan to hurt Mike.
Craig: This WAS our plan, until you horned in.
Nancy: Never mind. Itís over. Spit on the fire and call the dogs.
Craig: I understand that Days wants to keep its G-rating, but you really canít put out a fire by spitting on it.

MEANWHILE, yet another sibling of Sami and Eric is at home in the penthouse.
Belle: Dad, Iím glad you survived your honeymoon. Youíre such a hero; look how many times you saved Mom from Stefano. Of course, if youíd been paying more attention, maybe she wouldnít have been kidnapped so many times in the first place.
John: Listen, Izzy--
Belle: Izzy!? Well, okay, but some of your longer-term fans are going to be on the warpath if you call me Izzy-B.
John: Izzy-B? Who was that?
Belle: Maybe youíll remember if and when my brother Brady shows up again. I, of course, remember because Iím old enough to have been in Salem at the same time as Isabella Toscano Black.
John: Speaking of people you know, who will be at the party tonight?
Belle: Kids from school. Why are you so worried?
John: Because at least have of the kids in Salem were fathered by Stefano.
(And the other half were fathered by me . . .)
Belle: Dad, I couldnít stay your little girl forever.
John: Or even, apparently, for five years, Princess.
Belle: Princess? Carrie is Pumpkin, Sami is Peanut, Greta is French Cabbage, and Iím Princess? How did I luck out like that?
John: Never mind. Go get dressed for your party.
(She does.)
Belle: Dad? Do I look too girly?
John: Actually, you look completely slutty.
(misty eyes) Just like Carrie and Sami at that age.

End of Show

Thursday, August 12, 1999

Greta and Eric continue their castle exploration.
Greta: Iím not royalty; my Mom got the title when she married my father.
Eric: That makes sense.

MEANWHILE, their shared father figure is with Ericís mother, who is not a princess, by marriage or otherwise, but is Stefanoís sometime Queen of the Night.
Marlena: Itís sad that Bo suspected Hope of being Gina.
John: Why is that sad?
Marlena: It means that just when he was getting smart, Stefano brainwashed him, too.
John: The house is so quiet. But it will be full of teenagers soon.
Marlena: Our kids are still young enough to be teenagers?
John: I meant our grandchildren.
(On that note, they have sex.)
Marlena: You can make the Earth move and the room spin. But Iíve been hearing things from Carrie about a flying bed; do you think you could try that?
John: I donít know. That might cause the chips Stefano put in my brain to act up. I wonder if Eric will bring Stefano down? Not that I have any qualms about letting the man I raised as my son chasing my arch rival who I know can defy the laws of nature around Europe.
Marlena: And with Greta. I donít like that girl; she reminds me that you once loved Princess Gina, and while I insist that you overlook my earlier marriages, I certainly canít see past one that you donít even remember.

MEANWHILE, Mike goes to see Carrie.
Mike: I know it bugs Austin when you have to answer phone calls about work at home, but it wouldnít bother me.
Carrie: Probably because my work calls are all about YOU.
Mike: Did you know that Craig and Nancy just went out to dinner with Claire and Ali?
Carrie: I see nothing unusual about that.
Mike:
(answering beeper) Hi, Lexie. Yes, Iím at Carrieís.
Carrie: You told one of your closest friends where you are? Mike!! Itís not like youíre a doctor and youíre on call!
Mike: Sheís known about us for years. Even when I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for yours and pretend I didnít love you, she knew.
Carrie: You sure have turned into a pig since then, havenít you?
Mike: Yup.
Carrie: Never mind. I want you more than anything except Austin, and, hey, if you canít be with the one you love, love the one youíre with.
Mike: You love me! Letís celebrate.
Carrie: You want to celebrate even after Ali extorted all that money?
Mike: Hey, it was the hospitalís money, not mine. You. Me. Bed. Now.

MEANWHILE, Austin and Sami are at the Kiriakisless Mansion.
Austin: I . . . wish . . . I . . . knew . . . why . . . Carrie . . . came . . . here.
Sami: Hereís a thought: ask her.
Austin: I . . . want . . . her . . . out . . . of . . . my . . . life.
Sami: You once wanted me out of my life. But that was different, because you know Iíd never betray you like Carrie did. Iíd find a much more vicious, creative way to betray you.
(They head to the Penthouse Grill, where Ali is having a party.)
Ali: You all remember Winston and Lewis, who are apparently the only two members of the hospital board.
Craig: This could mean trouble. Ali is so weird!
Nancy: Youíre just noticing now?
Craig: Look on the bright side. Mikeís and Carrieís contracts are almost up, so this story canít go on forever.
Ali: My, my. In a remarkable coincidence, a plane towing a picture of Carrie and Mike kissing is flying past just as I guide everyone over to the window.
Sami: How did Carrie and Mikeís picture get up there?
Ali: For someone who spent years of her life tormenting Carrie because she had the man you wanted, you forget quickly, donít you?

End of Show


Friday, August 13, 1999


Gina/Hope and Robo Bo are in France.
Bo: I forget the last four hours, and I have a headache of exactly the same kind as John got when the chip Stefano put in his brain acted up. Iím sitting here with one of Stefanoís lackeys. Dare I make a connection?
Gina/Hope: No! Stefano is the enemy! He took me from my family for four years. What was our kidís name again?
Bo: Stop it. You arenít Hope. Youíre no more that woman than I am.
Gina/Hope:
(squinting at him) That gesture did look a little feminine.
Bo: Oh, shut up.

MEANWHILE, Kate and Nikki are finishing up what Iím sure was a productive day at Titan.
Nikki: Come to dinner with me. You have to eat.
Kate: Nikki, look around you. How many women in Salem do you think actually eat?
(As she says this, she bites her pen, which squirts all over both of them. They feel embarrassed and we donít see them for the rest of the show.)

MEANWHILE, Aliís party at the Penthouse Grill is not much fun.
Craig: (to Nancy) Quick, look depressed, hereís Claire. Itís not like we chewed her out a couple of hours ago because I didnít get to be Chief of Staff. (loudly) Boy do I feel bad for Mike.
Claire: Oh, come off it, Wesley.
(nearby)
Austin: You . . . were . . . the . . . one . . . who . . . . e-mailed . . . me . . . the . . . photos . . . of . . . Mike . . . and . . . Carrie . . . in . . . Las . . . Vegas.
Ali: I never saw those photos before tonight.
Sami: Where did you get the photos?
Ali: Um . . . Mommy!?
(Sami rolls her eyes in exasperation because she never gets to interrogate anyone who doesnít get Mommy to answer for him/her.) A family friend who does publicity shots, thatís it!!
Sami: So now I know that you HAVE seen the photos before!
Ali: Damn.
Austin: Carrieís . . . marriage . . . is . . . nobodyís . . . business . . . but . . hers . . . and . . . mine.
Sami: And mine!
Austin: And . . . Samiís. Iím . . . lucky . . . to . . . have . . my . . . brotherís . . . son . . . and . . . the . . . woman . . . who . . . drugged . . . me . . . into . . . bed . . . in . . . my . . . life.
Ali: Sami, I hope you donít have your sights set on this guy.
Helpless Viewers: Donít we all.
(Sami and Austin take off.)
Craig: Ali, youíre such a stupid freak and Iím sorry I even bothered to use you to try to get to be Chief of Staff. (Ali spits on him.) I donít understand why youíre so hostile to Nancy and myself.
Ali: Well, actually itís your grammar. I had a high school English teacher who handed out detention to people who mis-used reflexive pronouns . . . or maybe itís the fact that you lied about wanting to help me?
Nancy: Craig! Craig! Youíve just been made COS!
Craig: I love it when the bad guys win.

MEANWHILE, Mike and Carrie gaze out her hotel room window and are visited by the hospital board.
Carrie: Thatís a picture of us kissing in Las Vegas.
Board: We want your resignation.
Mike: Isnít the fact that that photo just happened to fly by Aliís party a little weird?
Board: A Las Vegas hotel advertising in Salem? Thatís not weird. In fact, in the words of out friend ClayZebra, we see nothing unusual about that.
Mike: I am a good COS. I treat everyone equally. I sleep with nurses, I sleep with PR directors, hey, my ex-wife was a doctor here and if she came back Iíd sleep with her, too.
Board: Weíre sorry.
Mike: I resign.
(Board leaves.) At least I still have you, Carrie.
Carrie: No, Mike. Ali took our future. I was willing to run off with you when you were still COS, but Iím just not interested anymore. So long.

End of Show

Monday, August 16, 1999


Happy Monday! Start your week off the right way-- with a none-too-accurate summary of Days of Our Lives. And donít forget to visit the nbc.com Days poll and inform the geniuses at NBC that Austin Peck canít act.

John and Marlena are at their penthouse, making out.
Belle: Ahem.
Marlena: Weíre not alone, we shouldnít be doing this.
John: Iím glad we learned something from the way we raised Sami.
Belle: This is neat; most of my friends come from broken homes, but I have a nice normal family. My father met my mother when he was brainwashed to act like the father of my half-siblings and my honorary sibling, who is old enough to be my mother. Then he married another woman and had my other half-brother, and then he had an affair with my mother that produced me and caused my half-sister to go over the edge and kidnap me, which must have been a neat trick as Iím apparently only a few years younger than she. Then, of course, my father impregnated yet another woman and tried to marry her while my mother was locked in a wine cellar.
John: Itís the American dream, all right.
Marlena: Iím sorry I canít join you two for breakfast; I just got a call from the hospital. Thereís a staff meeting.
Belle: Hospital staff. You. I see no connection.

MEANWHILE, the haunted castle of Princess Gina was an expensive set, and Days is going to use it.
Real Gina: I wanted John to save me, and I clung to that hope.
Kurt: It is easy to cling to Hope, what with those two big--
(They are interrupted by Eric and Greta.)
Eric: We havenít gotten out of the first room of the castle or found any definite clues, but letís go check out the cemetery. That makes sense.
(He gets a phone call.)
Bo: (on phone) Eric, the life Stefano invented for Princess Gina is like nitroglycerin. It could blow up in her face.
Eric: Do not attempt these comparisons unless you are a professional.
Bo:
(clutching his head) Whatís wrong with me?
Eric: That could take all day.

OVERVOICE: We will return to the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Announcer: What would you do to get a poptart?
Kid:
(sneaking one into the kitchen on a clothesline) Apparently not go to the store and buy one, or ask my Mom for one.

Toilet Paper: Hi, Iím Kleenex Cottonelle. Iím toilet paper. Iím talking. It might be a good idea to do what I tell you.

MEANWHILE, Nancy is strutting around the hospital singing "Hail to the Chief," but Carrie is less than thrilled as a reporter badgers her.
Carrie: Here I am in my office, yet I canít throw you out. Itís a good thing places like hospitals donít have security.
Sami:
(entering) Get away from my sister!! (reporter leaves)
Carrie: Thank you, Sami.
Sami: Oh, donít thank me. I just came here to tell you off, and I didnít want the reporter horning in on my territory.
(They leave the office and run into
Mike and Marlena.)

Marlena: Come on in.
Carrie: Well, since this is my office, I think Iíll accept your gracious invitation.
Marlena: What were you doing?
Carrie: Moving out. Leaving my job. I mean, it only made sense to throw it away after sacrificing my marriage for it.
Sami: What happened to standing by your man?
Marlena: She has so many that sheís always standing by one or another of them. She canít lose.
Marlena: Any idea what the staff meeting is about?
Sami: Well, I was at the party last night when Mike was publicly humiliated and Craig was asked to become chief of staff, and now Carrie is leaving her job, but no, I have no idea.

MEANWHILE, Ali is at Salem Place, spending her settlement.
Ali: Mother, you have no sense of humor.
Claire: No.
Ali: Why, look, itís Carrie!
Carrie: Youíre surprised to see me?
Ali: Well, you were at the hospital in the last scene, and Iíve been here, so either Iím frozen in time or you can magically get from one place to another instantly.
Carrie: You really are crazy.

End of Show

Tuesday, August 17, 1999


Belle enters a room and tosses an apple to John.
Belle: Now you see why I gave up softball.
John: Because your coordination took a hit when you grew two feet and two cup sizes in two weeks?
Belle: Daddy . . . I understand how you feel about Hope. And Iím sorry. It seems like Hope hasnít been herself since I was a little girl.
John: Yeah. Oh, when you go shopping this afternoon, donít buy anything too trashy.
Belle: Salem high does have a dress code.
ClayZebra: So did my high school, and what youíre wearing now violates it in at least five ways.

MEANWHILE, with Bo and Gina/Hope:
Bo: Gina, John doesnít want to remember his past with you. Why would he want to remember he killed someone?
Gina: He remembers killing lots of people as a cop and in the name of protecting Marlena, so I donít see why a few more should bother him.
Bo: Gina, Hope, DiMera stole your mind. Not your heart.
Gina: Excuse me while I gag over that line. And by the way, how do you know you arenít Stefanoís pawn as well?
Bo: I couldnít possibly be Stefanoís pawn.
Gina: And denial is a river in Egypt.

MEANWHILE, the Real Princess Gina is imprisoned.
Gina: Kurt! Let me out! I am a princess! All girls are! Didnít your father ever tell you that?
Kurt: You really are delusional if you can imagine a world where anyone knows exactly who his or her father is.
Gina:
(turning away) Oh, John, Iím calling to you. Why donít you hear?
John:
(painting coming alive) Sorry, Gina. I found another soulmate when you werenít looking. Her Iím willing to save from DiMeraís prisons, but not you.

MEANWHILE, Mike has just resigned as Chief of Staff and taken a leave of absence.
Mike: Grandma, you didnít have to come.
Alice: Of course I did. And your grandfather is here too.
Mike: Thanks. I wasnít under enough pressure.
Alice: Your mother, however, who allegedly works here, isnít here to support you.
Marlena: But Iím here to represent the psychiatric department. Now, I am a psychiatrist, but as Iím pretty screwed up in the head, I often need someone to talk to. Like your grandfather. And you need to talk to me. Do you think you can protect Carrie by standing by her? I mean, itís not like I needed John to stand by me when we cheated on Roman.
Mike: Of course you did.
Marlena: Shut up. Iím the smart one here.
(nearby)
Brandon: Uh, Lexie, Iíve been waiting for you to hire me for a few weeks.
Lexie: How dare you suggest that I do my job at a time like this?

End of Show

Friday, August 20, 1999

Welcome to a synopsis blissfully free of our friends in Paris and which features Sami realizing that Belle has grown up and Craig playing football with Nancyís poodles. I almost didnít have to improve on this show. :)

Kate and Billie are at Titan.
Billie: Nikki Alamain has a hand in Victorís company? Who does he think he is? Surely not Victorís almost-step-son and almost-step-grandson who has known Victor for most of his life.
Kate: I agree itís bad news--
Vivian:
(arriving with Nikki) Whatís the bad news? Besides that leopard skin crop-top Billie is wearing-- thatís dreadfully inappropriate for the office, you know.
Billie: Bite me.
(leaves)
Vivian: Kate, I really came here to apologize to you. Whatever exactly I did slips my mind, although I seem to recall something about having your sonís fetus implanted in my body and then drugging the pilot of your plane so it would crash into the ocean and strand you on a fishing boat for a year, but Iím sorry.
Kate: Iíll give peace a chance.
Nikki: Thatís all we are saying. Now, shake on it.
(They do, but Vivian has a buzzer in her hand, Kate gets insulted, and the
war is back.)

MEANWHILE, Austin sees Lexie on his way out of the hospital.
Lexie: Your marriage is over. Is there no room for hope?
Austin: Well . . . you . . . . need . . . . a . . . . lot . . . . of . . . . room . . . . for . . . . Hope . . . because . . . of . . . those . . . two . . . big--
Lexie: We need to tell ClayZebra that joke has gotten really old. Although Iím under the impression that she just doesnít care. Like you donít care about your marriage.
Austin: What . . . would . . . you . . . do . . . if . . . you . . . found . . . Abe . . . in . . . bed . . . with . . . another . . . woman . . . whom . . . he . . . claimed . . . to . . . love?
Lexie: Iíd say, hallelujah, this is the first storyline weíve had since the one where I found out who my parents are.

MEANWHILE, the objects of Austinís thoughts are in Carrieís hotel room.
Mike: You think Craig and Nancy actively helped Ali? Just because they showed up everywhere we went along with her? Just because they testified for her at the hearing and theyíre always talking to her? Youíre paranoid.
Carrie: Iím also right. We have to get revenge. Ali will think weíre running away if we just leave town.
Mike: Yeah, sheíll think that because we will be running away, and I would be very happy if I could run away with you.
Carrie: And there you have it. Mike Horton, happy. That just isnít done. Now, help me redeem the Horton Code of Honor by lying and cheating.

MEANWHILE, Nancy Wesleyís poodles bark as Craig enters the room.
Craig: Oh, shut up! (They do.)
Nancy: Youíre very good with the dogs. We should fly you to Paris and see if you can shut up the Ginas when they start whining about John.
Craig: Whatever.
Nancy: Whatís wrong?
Craig: I got a letter from your father. What could he possibly want?
Nancy: Hopefully not John Black. Thereís a long enough line for him as it is.
Craig: The last time he wrote to me, he offered me money not to marry you. Which proves that while I may be a sleaze, Iím not as bad as Nicole Walker-Roberts.
Nancy: Youíre the only man Iíll ever want.
Craig: And youíre the only man Iíll ever want.
Nancy: Huh?
Craig: I mean, woman.
(Sex ensues.)

MEANWHILE, Claire and Ali also have the aftermath of the hospital upheaval to deal with.
Claire: Iím going to the hospital dinner party. I have no idea why I was invited, as I had no reason to hang around there for the past few months, but I was invited.
Ali: They didnít invite me?! Just because I extorted three million dollars from them last week?
Claire: I remember the last time I went to this restaurant. I was so happy that you were engaged to Mike Horton, but then I learned that you were totally insane and werenít even dating Mike. So, knowing your state of mind, I think Iíll leave you alone.
(leaves)
Ali:
(to herself) I remember when I was stalking Mike. Nancy made me wear a ridiculous disguise. Iíll show her. Iíll put on an even more ridiculous disguise and stalk HER!

MEANWHILE, Sami and Belle have been shopping.
Sami: Thanks for being patient, Belle. You know, it took me three days to get your last birthday present.
Belle: Well, it was worth the effort. You donít have ten birthdays at once just every year.
Sami:
(eyeing her critically) You really have grown up fast. I thought it was neat when I went from eight to fifteen in six months, but five to fifteen in two weeks must be a record.
Brandon:
(arriving and interrupting) Hi, Sami!
Sami: Brandon, this is my sister Belle. Belle, this is Brandon, Nicoleís brother.
Belle: Iím not really pleased to meet you because your sister broke my brotherís heart. But I wouldnít want to be judges by my sisterís actions--
Sami: Hey! Just because I drugged a man and raped him and then passed his brotherís child off as his own and ruined his wedding and spent years keeping him from talking to his fiancée who happened to be my sister and even went so far as to beat myself up and have Carrie thrown in jail for the crime and lied to the real father of my child and lied about the real father of my child so he lost custody and faked paralysis and faked amnesia and told my dying father that my brother in law was my husband and--
Belle: I meant my other sister, that adulterous slut Carrie.
Brandon: I like you, Belle. So Iím inviting you over to the mansion owned by the onetime fiancé of the mother of the husband of my sister.
Belle: Thatís four degrees. I can do it in two: Victor is my half-brotherís grandfather, and Iím named after his daughter.
Brandon: Youíre good.
Sami: You should come over some time, Belle. Just not when Lucas and Kate and Nicole are around.
Brandon: Donít you like anyone in Salem?
Sami: I like Belle. I like her so much I once kidnapped her and sold her on the black market.
Belle: True story.
Brandon: Belle, you are wise for your age. Are you going to be a shrink some day?
Belle: No! There are enough shrinks in my family.
Sami: Thereís one.
Belle: Thatís enough.
Brandon: How about you, Sami?
Sami: I donít really know what Iíll do now that I canít work at Titan.
Brandon: I wish I had the luxury of hanging around a mansion not working.
Sami: You do.
Brandon: Oh yeah.
(leaves)
Austin:
(arrives) Hi.
Belle: Um, gotta go!
Sami: That was subtle. Oh, Austin I got you a gift. I hope you like it; Belle helped me pick it out. See? Itís a scarlet letter "A" that Carrie can pin to her chest.
Austin: I . . . love . . . it.

End of Show

Monday, August 23, 1999

Welcome to the last Mondayís Synopsis before Iím dragged kicking and screaming back to class.

Mike and Carrie are exactly where theyíve been for the past few days, Carrieís room.
Mike: Because of me, youíve lost your marriage, your job, and the respect of your family. So, Iíd like to end the relationship you threw everything away for. Noble of me, huh? I just donít want to be the one to hurt you.
Carrie: Itís a little late for that.
Mike: We canít keep plotting to get revenge on Ali. Youíll be her next victim.
Carrie: Her obsession is with you, not me. Itís not like she carries a voodoo "Carrie doll" around in her purse.

MEANWHILE, the midnight oil is burning at Titan.
Nikki: Billie, letís go to your office and look at that European plan you have.
Billie: Nikki, Iím watching you. I know that normal people donít go to offices to work. You must have something up your sleeve.
(over shoulder, threatening) Vivian, Iím gonna keep an eye on your nephew!!
Vivian: Iím shaking.
Nikki: Billie, your mother has obviously taught you a lot.
Billie: Amazing how she managed to do that even though I didnít meet her until I was an adult, after Iíd spent years living on the streets with my brother, trying to keep away from my abusive father.
(Billie and Nikki leave Kate and Viv alone.)
Vivian: Stefano wouldnít have helped you if her didnít want something from you.
Kate: He wanted a good return on his stock.
Vivian: If that were the case, youíd think heíd want you OUT of Titan.
Kate: Leave me alone. I have to worry about whether Victor will ever get well enough to come home.
Vivian: Well, these things can really only be determined by contract negotiations, so worrying wonít help much.

MEANWHILE, the hospitalís new Chief of Staff celebrates at the Penthouse Grill.
Caroline: My granddaughter was just at the center of a scandal that resulted in the ousting of the old chief of staff, but I think Iíll come to the restaurant where the new chiefís party is being held to celebrate the freedom of another of my granddaughters, who has been free for several months.
Sami: Thatís great.
(aside) Austin, did you see the tension between Lexie and Craig?
Austin: I . . . donít . . . wanna . . . talk . . . about . . . that . . . I . . . wanna . . . concentrate . . . on . . . having . . . fun.
Sami:
(sympathetic) I know it takes all of your brain cells to concentrate on having fun.
(nearby)
Ali: Craig and Nancy think Iím certifiable, but wait until they see what happens after Nancy drinks that champagne. Of course, as a medical professional, Iím pretty sure that you arenít certifiable if your behavior is drug-induced.
(nearby)
Abe: (crawling under the table to check out Nancy rubbing a board memberís thigh) Well, itís nice to get a chance to put my detective skills to work.
Nancy:
(drooling over Abe as he gets back in his seat) Do you have a big gun, Commander Carver? I like big guns.
Abe: Itís big enough to get the job done.
Nancy: Can I see it?
Abe: I donít take it out in public.
Nancy: Well, you can show me some time when weíre alone.
(Nancy goes to visit the Brady bunch.)
Brandon: Hello, Samantha, whatís wrong?
Sami: Well, ever since I got off death row, people have been calling me Samantha, and every time I hear it I start looking around for my dead, psychotic aunt who once tried to take over my momís life.
Brandon: Oh. Iím having a bad day too; I interrupted Lexieís night off trying to get her to hire me, and for some reason she seemed annoyed.
Sami: Iíll put in a good word for you.
Brandon: With your reputation? No thanks.
Nancy: Sami!! Iím so glad youíre off death row. I woulda died if youíd been executed, although I was the foreman of the jury that wrongfully convicted you of murder.

(Nancy drapes herself over Shawn.)
Sami: Uh, thanks Nancy, Look, weíll get you a chair--
Nancy: No! I wanna sit on sexy Shawn!
Craig:
(rushing over) Nancy!
Sami: Craig, I think sheís been drugged.
Caroline: But who would do such a thing?
Sami: Well, maybe someone who just knew that she could make her sisterís boyfriend happier than her sister could.
(pause) Why is everyone staring at me?

LATER, Craig heads for Aliís apartment.
Ali: What?
Craig: No one hurts my wife and gets away with it. If you thought the way the last Chief of Staff treated you was bad . . .
(violently chokes her)

End of Show

Tuesday, August 24, 1999

Todayís show starts when a pensive Carrie answers her door.
Carrie: Dad! You still live in Salem!
Roman: I heard about you and Mike.
Carrie: Took you long enough.
Roman: Whatís wrong? Aside from the facts that youíve lost your job and your marriage and your whole family is acting superior to you.
Carrie: Iím just confused. I never thought it was possible to love two people.
Roman: And you thought that situation between Duck and John and me was what?
Carrie: Hmm.
Roman: Just donít make the wrong choice.
Carrie: And the wrong choice is leaving Austin?
Roman: Hell no. I never thought Austin was good enough for you; Iíd rather see you with the doctor.

MEANWHILE, the Austin in question is at the Kiriakisless Mansion.
Austin: Nicole . . . where . . . is . . . my . . . beloved . . . half . . . brother?
Nicole: Phillip? Heís probably off contracting SORAS
[Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome] somewhere.
Austin: No . . . Lucas.
Nicole: Work. Maybe you should try that sometime?
Austin: Marriage . . . isnít . . . what . . . you . . . expected?
Nicole: Yours wasnít.
Austin: At . . . least . . . mine . . . started . . . with . . . two . . . people . . . in . . . love . . . with . . . each . . . other.
Nicole: I donít doubt it, but you werenít one of íem.
Austin: You . . . married . . . for . . . money. Money . . . canít . . . but . . . happiness.
Nicole: No, but it can buy a whole lot of stuff from Tiffanyís.
(Skips upstairs with her shopping bags.)

MEANWHILE, Nicoleís former love interest is still in Ginaís castle.
Eric: I donít believe in that supernatural hocus-pocus. Ghosts donít do anything Stefano DiMera doesnít tell them to do, and he isnít here.
Greta: But Iím still scared. Just because I can spend a good five years living alone in the woods doesnít mean I can handle a deserted castle. I mean, what besides ghosts could put out your fire?
Eric: Water. Wind. The fact that I only used one match and a few seconds to start it. Hey, where are the matches?
Kurt: Here they are.
Greta: Just because that man doesnít have Ericís voice or build or walk doesnít mean he isnít Eric. So I still donít know why weird things are happening. And Iím still scared.
(Jumps up.)
Eric: Did you just get into bed with me?
Greta: Thatís right.
Eric: And neither of us is wearing very many clothes.
Greta: Right again.
Eric: Just checking.

MEANWHILE, elsewhere in France:
Stefano: It would kill Bo to know heís a pawn.
Gina/Hope: Why?
Stefano: Because heís a rebel, and hates to do things his brothers and half of Salem have already done.
Gina/Hope: Now what?
Stefano: Weíll let him get arrested for beating up a purse-snatcher and see what happens.
Gina/Hope: I can never figure out what youíre talking about. You and your mysterious comments.
(They head off, and Bo is "tested.")
Cop: What are you doing?
Cop2: Be gentle. He doesnít seem to understand you.
Cop: Heís crazy.
Cop2: No, itís just another of those DiMera clones.
(calling station) Yeah, Steffy brainwashed another one . . .

MEANWHILE, Hopeís family is back in Salem, at the Horton Center.
Mickey: Mike, what do you mean youíll be vindicated? How?
Mike: Dad, I know it sounds like a long shot--
Mickey: No, Iíd really like to know. As a lawyer, youíd think Iíd know about vindicating people, but I donít.
(Alice enters with a cane.)
Mickey: Since when do you need a cane?
Alice: Since my stroke. I was in the hospital with it a few months ago.
Mike: And yet your grandson the chief of staff had no idea anything had happened.
Maggie: She just didnít want anyone to know.
Alice: By the way, any time anything happens to one of you, I want to know. My beautiful, precious family. Iím glad youíre all here now. Except for Tommy and Sandy and Julie and Doug and David and Scotty and Steven and Bill and Jennifer and Jack and Abby and Laura and Hope and Lucas and Melissa and Sarah and Marie and Jessica whichever ones I forgot.
Mike: And Iím leaving too. Iím going on vacation, possibly with Carrie.
Maggie: You canít go with Carrie. Sheís married.
Mickey: But Iíve been on vacation with you, and youíre married.
Maggie: Youíre right. Weíll have to stop doing that.

MEANWHILE, Craig is still with Ali.
Craig: Why did you hurt my wife? Iím not hearing an answer!!
Ali: Probably because youíre choking me and I canít breathe.
Nancy:
(arriving and punching Ali) Ali! What were you before you met Craig and me?
Ali: I was doing a fairly good job that I liked and working with people who seemed to like me well enough and respect me as well.
Nancy: And now?
Ali: Iím considered insane and have lost my job.
Nancy: And that happened when we LIKED you. So donít cross us again.
(Craig and Nancy drive home.)
Nancy: (almost compassionate) Ali really is sick.
Craig: Sheís INSANE! She should be killed. See what a nice, feeling doctor I am?
Nancy: Pull over. Iím going to be sick.
(later) Thanks for stopping.
Craig: I guess youíre welcome. I really didnít want you puking all over my new car.

MEANWHILE, Mike finally gets to Aliís.
Mike: What happened to your face?
Ali: I walked into a door.
Mike: And thatís where you got the marks on your throat, too?
Ali: Surprisingly enough, yes.

End of Show

Wednesday, August 25, 1999

Todayís show begins with Austin and Sami in the Kiriakisless Mansion pool.
Austin: Iíll . . . always . . . love . . . Carrie . . . but . . . I . . . need . . . to . . . get . . . on . . . with . . . my . . . life. I . . . hope . . . you . . . like . . . being . . . a . . . substitute.
Sami: Oh, Austin, Iím so honored to be your second choice.
Austin: Carrie . . . made . . . me . . . feel . . . like . . . a . . . fool.
Sami: Iím sure it wasnít hard.
Austin: One . . . more . . . thing.
Sami: What?
Austin: How . . . can . . . you . . . swim . . . with . . . hair . . . that . . . long . . . without . . . tying . . . it . . . back?
Sami: Iíll just trick Kate into taking the five hours itíll take to comb it
out.

MEANWHILE, Austinís wife is with her father.
Roman: Youíll regret a divorce for the rest of your life. Havenít you noticed how much Marlena regrets divorcing me? That happily-married-to-her-lover thing is just a hoax.
Carrie: I love Mike. And Austin loves Sami.
Roman: Why do you say that? Just because heís taken her side over yours at every turn practically since they met? Just because heís filling a pool with flowers for her as we speak?

MEANWHILE, Carrieís plan to expose Ali is in full swing.
Ali: (into Mikeís tape recorder) Mike, when I went to bed with you, I knew I was a candidate for the nursing job. Nothing you said was out of line, I just wanted to hurt you because you fell in love with Carrie and not me.
Mike: Who helped you?
Ali: Just because Iím crazy as a loon, you think I couldnít work out a plan like that on my own?
(pause) Are you mad, just because I ruined your job and reputation and extorted three million dollars from a hospital thatís been affiliated with your family since the beginning of time?
Mike: Iím so mad I canít speak.
Ali: Oh no! Carrie likes men who canít get out a coherent sentence.
Mike: But, Iíll be happy when Iím cleared.
(rewinds tape and plays confession) Amazing how I taped hours of conversation but managed to rewind to the relevant portion on the first try. Also amazing that the recorder didnít run out of tape.
Ali: Thatís why I love you.

MEANWHILE, you didnít really think weíd get through a show without a trip to Paris, did you?
Stefano: I know Bo has been arrested, but heíll do the honorable thing.
Gina/Hope: Which is?
Stefano: Not tell his true love how he feels until after the baby is born and no one is mortally ill and no one has amnesia.
Gina/Hope: How can you be so sure of yourself?
Stefano: My dear Gina, if you could brainwash people on a whim, youíd be sure of yourself, too. But if youíre worried, you can pick Bo up at the station.
(she does)
Cop: Your husband canít communicate. He seems to be in some kind of trance. Is he on drugs?
Gina/Hope: No, heís just a Brady.
Cop:
(understanding) Oh.
(Gina/Hope takes Bo home, and Stefano lets him out of his trance.)
Bo: (staggering) What happened? Iíve lost hours!
Gina/Hope: You fell asleep.
Bo: On my feet?! For half a day? Youíre lying. Iím outta here.
Gina/Hope: No. Stay with me. Iím scared.
Bo: You expect me to believe youíre scared?
Gina/Hope: It works for Greta.

MEANWHILE, Bo is a cause for concern at Marlenaís penthouse.
Belle: "Exhume?" Does that mean what I think it does?
John: Probably not. Kids who skip from kindergarten to high school in one year usually miss a lot of vocabulary lessons.
Belle:
(still psyched) Eric and Greta are digging up Ginaís body! Cool!
Marlena: NOT cool.
Belle: Mom, this isnít a horror movie. There isnít gonna be a bloodbath. Itís not like some madman has kidnapped or "killed" every member of Ericís family at some point.
John: France is a dangerous place for Eric, especially since Bo told him he was too busy to help him. Which means Bo is in danger. And Iím going to France to help them.
Marlena: Your going to France is out of the question. Just because you raised Eric as your son and Greta as your daughter and call Bo your brother doesnít mean you have a responsibility to them.
(whining) Canít we send Roman instead? All heís doing is bugging Carrie, and no one would miss him if Stefano knocked him off.
John: Marlena. I have a loving wife and daughter to come back to, so I will come back. If negotiations go well, I may even have a son to come back to one of these days. Donít worry.
(jumping into phone booth and spinning rapidly)
ITíS SUPER JOHN TO THE RESCUE!

End of Show

Thursday, August 26, 1999


Welcome to the last episode of ClayZebraís Days Synopsis for the summer. See you next week, or next month, or next summer, Iím not sure which. Enjoy.

Mike waits for Carrie at her place as the phone rings.
Mike: Hello, Mike Horton here, answering Carrie Reedís phone, despite the fact that the two of us are trying to convince Salem that we broke up so we can manipulate Ali into telling the truth. (Ali hangs up.) Why would someone hang up the phone without saying anything? Who ever heard of something like that happening? Iíve certainly never gotten a hang-up call in my life until now. (Doorbell rings.) They donít put those little, eye-level holes in hotel doors for a reason, do they? Perhaps because, hypothetically, the person at the door could be a psychopath who could kidnap someone at gunpoint?
Ali:
(entering) Actually, that IS the reason, strangely enough. Letís go. Iíll have everything I ever wanted, and so will you, as long as all you ever wanted was to be bound and gagged in my back seat while I drove west.

MEANWHILE, Carrie had a reason to leave Mike alone.
Sami: Austin, you make me feel so good about myself, and not just because I look smart next to you. Well, thatís most of the reason, well, heck, that probably is the only reason. But you do make me feel good.
Carrie: Ahem. Sami, leave, I need to talk to Austin.
Austin: Say . . . it . . . in . . . front . . . of . . . Sami . . . Iím . . . just . . . gonna . . . tell . . . her . . . anyway.
Sami: Iíll go.
(She does.)
Austin: I . . . hope . . . you . . . signed . . . the . . . divorce . . . papers . . . instead . . . of . . . expecting . . . me . . . to . . . wait . . . for . . . you . . . just . . . because . . . you . . . always . . . waited . . . for . . . me . . . when . . . I . . . wanted . . . to . . . help . . . Sami . . . with . . . Will.
Carrie: I will sign them if youíre sure thatís what you want. But I honestly believed we would be together forever. Iím not sure why, since your parents had a short marriage, as did my parents, my mom and Tony, my dad and Marlena, my uncle and aunts . . .
Austin: Some . . . day . . . youíll . . . see . . . that . . . history . . . shows . . . that . . . Mike . . . uses . . . women . . . and . . . dumps . . . them.
Carrie: Like the history of Margo dying on him and Robin leaving him because he couldnít fully convert to Judaism.
(inside)
Sami: Brandon, what are you doing here? This house is separate from the mansion.
Brandon: You canít possibly really mind my waltzing into your house if Iím going to flirt with you. Although I know you love Austin.
Sami: Of course I love Austin. Heís my best friend, now that Iíve alienated Jamie and Lucas, who were both better friends to me than I ever deserved.
Brandon: I understand, but remember that since Austinís on the rebound, this probably wonít last.
Sami: If you believe in that, you shouldnít bother with me because Iím on the rebound after Franco.
Brandon: Well, I donít want things between us to last, because Iím smart enough to see that you belong with Lucas.
(to camera) ClayZebra, Iím almost sure I didnít really say that.
ClayZebra: Shut up and do what I tell you.

MEANWHILE, in Princess Ginaís castle:
Kurt: I must scare Greta away before she realizes how much her mother has changed. We canít have her trying to help her mother or anything like that, because that would make too much sense.
Gina:
(aside) Kurt is keeping me away from my visitors. I must escape this room. (Knocks him out.) Doesnít he know better than to tick off an insane, aging princess?

MEANWHILE, Gina/Hope and Bo are also in Paris.
Gina/Hope: Maybe youíre coming down with something.
Bo: Yeah, that well-known virus that makes people forget the events of entire days. Did Stefano tell you to say that?
Gina/Hope: Must you always blame Stefano for everything? You blamed him for the kidnapping of Shawn-Douglas last year and the kidnappings of Carrie, Sami, and Eric at various times years ago. You blamed him for faking the death of Roman, turning John into a fake Roman, faking the death of Marlena, bringing back Roman and Marlena, exposing Belleís true parentage, stealing Liliís art treasures, covering for Tony when he framed John for murder, kidnapping Marlena several times in the past few years, killing Curtis Reed, making Vivian go insane, helping Peter fake his death and kidnap Jennifer, wiping Lauraís memory of Peterís resurrection, helping Peter paint Lauraís office with something to make her hallucinate, ruining Rachel Blakeís life, and faking his own death millions of times.
Bo: Weíve proven that he did all of that.
Gina/Hope: Oh yeah.
Bo: And if you arenít careful, heíll turn you insane and eventually dead.
Gina/Hope: Gee, nothing beats "eventually dead" as a threat.
Bo: You didnít always feel this way about me.
(in flashback) Fancy Face, youíre beautiful from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
Hope:
(flashback) And at this point in time, I could actually see my toes.
Bo:
(flashback) Kiss me, and maybe Iíll stop looking like a werewolf. (she does; present time) See, it worked.

End of Show

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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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