|Thursday, July 15, 1999
The usual suspects are wandering around Salem Place.
Ali: Sami, itís too bad youíre related to that lying bitch.
Austin: You uh mean uh my uh wife?
Ali: Oh, Iím sorry--
Austin: No uh I uh completely uh agree. As uh a uh warning uh donít uh go uh near uh the uh hospital uh and uh the uh press uh thatís uh there.
Ali: Oh, poor me! Everyone is dragging my name through the mud; Mike has humiliated me. Which way did you say the reporters were? (sprints off)
Sami: Come on, Austin. Letís have some coffee. I have all the time in the world, now that Lucas has Will, and John and Mom, who I didnít speak to until last week, are gone. Luckily I donít need a job or anything.
Austin: Uh and uh your uh position uh is uh what uh will uh keep uh you uh from uh taking uh custody uh from uh Lucas.
Sami: It didnít stop me from taking it from you.
Austin: But uh that uh was uh the uh old uh Sami.
Sami: Speaking of the old Sami, I was the one who sent Mike to Rome so he would interrupt you and Carrieís honeymoon. In fact, Lucas and I orchestrated this whole Mike-and-Carrie thing.
Austin: I uh forgive uh you uh you uh are uh the uh good uh sister uh all uh you uh have uh done uh is uh manipulate uh and uh even uh rape uh me for uh the uh last uh five uh years uh but uh Carrie uh cheated uh on uh me uh one uh time uh when uh I uh ran uh off uh with uh you uh boy uh is uh she uh awful uh and uh boy uh are uh you uh good.
Sami: Still, I donít want Will raised by a murderer. Of course, I still wanted to raise him when I thought I actually did kill Franco and I wanted Franco to raise him when I knew my uncle suspected him of murder, but those are exceptions to the rule.
MEANWHILE, the hospital is indeed a media circus.
Claire: Mickey, we both know what will happen if this goes to court.
Mickey: (sadly) Iíll lose. Same as always.
Carrie: No, Mickey, we wonít lose. Ali will be sorry she messed with me. Remember how sorry I made Sami when she messed with me? Sami ended up with Duh-Boy, and I got the cute doctor! (laughs evily)
MEANWHILE, on everyoneís favorite submarine.
Stefano: You really thought I wouldnít find you? I have my ways. I trained you as art thieves, and I want you back.
John: You didnít train Gina. Sheís a free agent.
Gina: Which means I can talk to every team in the league.
Stefano: Shut up, Gina. I own the whole league, and youíre coming with me.
(tosses John overboard)
MEANWHILE, Marlena is having one bad Hawaiian honeymoon.
Cop: Your husband has been eaten by sharks. (leaves disinterestedly)
Marlena: How could this happen?
Bo: Itís simple, really. First, the shark swims toward John. Then he takes a bite.
Marlena: Iím not sure I like the new, brighter you.
Then Marlena screams as she sees a body floating in the surf. She runs toward it, calling for help, and drags it onto the beach. However, she then sees that it is not in fact John and tosses it back into the waves.
End of Show
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