Monday, July 12, 1999

Yíknow, sometimes this is one bad TV show. But I watch it anyway, just to sum it up for you:

Carrie and Austin ponder saving their marriage.
Carrie: I believe in us with my entire heart and soul. Except for the parts of my heart and soul that are in love with Mike.
Austin: Mike, Mike, Mike.
(stomping his foot and tossing his head) Everybody uh loves uh Mike. I uh donít uh know uh why uh it uh took uh me uh so uh long uh to uh see uh that uh the uh two uh of uh you uh were uh an uh item.
Carrie: Probably because youíre the original, definitive Duh-Boy.

MEANWHILE, with the other two sides of the Love Rectangle That Will Not Die:
Sami: Look at all these photos of Carrie and Austin. Actually, theyíre mostly of me and Austin. Iíve spent much more time with him than she has for the past five years. If I really want him, I certainly shouldnít try to end up actually married to him.
Lucas: Here I am. Hand Will over.
Sami: I hate to. Can you imagine how hard it is to say goodbye to your son?
Lucas: Gee, Iíll try.
Sami: Will would still be mine if you hadnít coerced Nicole into marrying you.
Lucas: We have a real marriage in every sense of the word.
Sami: Thatís a visual I didnít need.
Lucas: Consider it payback for all those times you told me about the time you drugged Austin into sleeping with you. Anyway, just because Austin is nice to you, you think the two of you have hope?
Sami: No, weíd know if we had Hope. Thatís really obvious because of these two big--
Lucas: I get it.

MEANWHILE, Marlena is frantic on the shores of Hawaii following Johnís disappearance.
Marlena: I know Johnís alive! I know it. If nothing else, the last ten or fifteen years have taught me that that man is almost as hard to kill as Stefano.

MEANWHILE, John has been kidnapped by a submarine-wielding Gina/Hope, and re-brainwashed into Stefanoís mercenary.
John: How did you pull this off without me?
Gina: You canít possibly consider yourself the brains of this operation. Youíre just my love slave. Make love to me.
John: No! You arenít Princess Gina!
Gina: Exact identity never bothered you during that Kristen/Susan thing.
John: What I mean is, we have to change our names so DiMera wonít find us. You, me, and Greta.
(singing) We all live in Ginaís submarine!
Gina: Oh, thank God. For a minute there, I was afraid youíd made an observation.
John: I can see how that would worry you, especially since the last thing I remember is thinking that Stefano has found a way to transfer one manís personality to another man. But donít worry. No matter who I think I am, Iím still not capable of insight.

End of Show
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