Wednesday, June 23, 1999

At the hospital:
Nancy: I don't think Ali can pass a mental health exam. She isn't the sanest person in Salem.
(All have flashbacks to times when Ali actually listened to things people told her, wasn't obsessed with someone who hated her, didn't scheme to control anyone's mind or frame anyone for a crime she committed. These flashbacks prove that Ali is indeed abnormal for Salem.)
(in the next room) But I did nothing to Ali McIntire! Except sleep with her! So how dare she claim that I slept with her!

MEANWHILE, Sami and Carrie are still chatting.
Sami: Carrie, your weddings vows said "till death do us part," not "till someone better comes along."
Carrie: Well, how was I supposed to know that Austin and I would make it through the year without dying? That never happened to Dad and Marlena.
Sami: Speaking of them, do you want your marriage to end as theirs did?
Carrie: The situation isn't the same. For one thing, the characters have different names. And for another, um, for another . . .
Sami: You can't just follow your heart and not care who gets hurt. Why, if Lucas and I had done that, we might have encouraged you and Mike to get together years ago to try to keep you from marrying Austin, and things would have ended up a real mess. We'd be just as bad as Mom and John.
Carrie: Don't you think Marlena cared that she hurt Dad and Eric and you? Didn't she spend years trying to help you when you were having problems, and didn't she always call Eric when she was in Colorado to show how guilty she felt for ending your family? And don't insult Mike, either. He's a perfect gentleman-- he was never near me, which is really hard to do when you're having sex with someone.
(Carrie leaves; Sami runs into Austin.)
Sami: Give Carrie some time.
Austin: Why should I wait around for Carrie? Because she waited for me for years while I was baby-sitting you and Will? We have to focus on OUR future. You don't mind being my fallback second choice, do you?
Sami: Of course not. I'm a woman. It's not like I could do anything else with my time but swoon over my sister's stupid husband.
Austin: Good. I'll ask Mickey for advice on how to get Will away from his nephew, and maybe I'll insult his son who slept with my wife while I'm at it. See you.
(So Sami goes to see Marlena, who is with Stefano.)
Marlena: Stefano, have you thought of the proper wedding gift for me? And I don't want one of your curling irons, either. Laura told me they have nasty side-effects. By the way, are you gonna kidnap me tomorrow? Take me to Paris, or some island?
Stefano: Very funny.
Marlena: I bet the poor viewers who actually watched that storyline don't think so.
Stefano: I admit that once I was-- how can I put it?-- obsessed.
Marlena: Obsessed works.
Sami: Stefano, get away from my mother!
Stefano: Samantha, itís good to see you out. Really, donít think I donít mean that just because I could have stopped your execution and didnít bother.

MEANWHILE, John is getting ready for the wedding.
Gina/Hope: Iím so happy about your wedding. Tell me where it is so I can stop it.
John: Youíre happy about my wedding.
Gina/Hope: It reminds me that soon Iíll be with the man I love.
(staring deep into his eyes and running her hands all over his body)
John: Oh, you mean Bo.
Gina/Hope: Who?
John: Duh?
Gina/Hope: Howís your headache?
John: Sheís hitting on me while Iím trying to plan my wedding.
(commanding) Over here. Now. Have sex with me.
(calm) Get your hands off me. (Gina/Hope cries.) Oh, Iím sorry. I shouldnít have been so harsh. You did nothing to provoke me.

End of Show
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