May 13th 1999

Itís three oíclock. Do you know where your synopsis is? Of course you do. Itís right here.

Billie and Hope have had their purses snatched, but the thug has been fought off by a mysterious stranger- letís just call him Nikki.
Billie: My purse is at the bottom of the river. And itís impossible to remove anything from the bottom of a river.
Hope: At least WE didnít end up in the river.
Billie: Iím pretty sure weíd both float.

MEANWHILE, Stefano and Lexie are meeting.
Lexie: Why are you saying Iím not honest? Just because Iím blushing and stammering and not looking you in the eye?
Stefano: That and the fact that youíre my daughter. You know, I thought you were one of the people who believed Iíd become honorable.
Lexie: So you also think Iím stupid? Let me explain something to you. Dishonest and stupid are mutually exclusive. Repeat after me: "Honest and dumb. Or evil and smart."
(Lexie leaves in disgust; Mysterious Stranger arrives.)
Nikki: You must be the legendary Stefano DiMera. Iím Nicholas Alamain.
Stefano: Hmm.
Nikki: Hmm?
Stefano: The last time you were in town, you were only a little bit older than Shawn-Douglas. And now heís still in his early teens and youíre in your twenties.
Nikki: I see nothing strange about that.
Stefano: Your aunt isnít here.
Nikki: Donít worry. I know sheís dying.
Stefano: How?
Nikki: Virtual reality goggles.
Stefano: Oh. I knew I liked you.

MEANWHILE, Sami is storming about her prison cell. However, as her feet are shackled, she continuously falls on her head.
Roman:
(jerking Sami back to her feet for the tenth time) It isnít your fault Lucas got custody of Will. It wonít do you any good to beat yourself up, unless you can convince the court that Lucas did it.
Sami: Nah, Iíve tried that before, with Carrie, and I hate to repeat myself.

MEANWHILE, at the aftermath of the hearing:
Austin:
(storming around) JUDGE, YOUíRE MAKING A DANGEROUS MISTAKE! LUCAS CANNOT CONTROL HIMSELF. (Slugs several people.) Nicole, how much did it cost Lucas to make you purger yourself?
Kate: You have no right to call her that. I bought her and paid for her-- Iím the only one who gets to call her names.
Eric: Lucas, you are a son of a --
(long pause)
Shawn: Oh, Iím supposed to interrupt here to preserve the showís PG rating. Eric, calm down.
Caroline: Yes, Eric, Nicole doesnít love you. No one marries for reasons other than love. Just ask your sisters.
Alice: Shawn, Caroline, Eric, Carrie, Austin, Iím sorry about your situation. Actually, Iím really not. Hortons win, Bradys lose, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!
(she joins Mickey in another victory dance)
Shawn: Letís go to the Pub, Eric. I know that your fiancee ran off with another man who got custody of your nephew, but chowder will make it all better.
Eric: Of course it will, Grandpa!
(They link arms and skip happily out the door.)
Kate: Well, Lucas, Nicole, Iím sure youíll have a wonderful life. Just imagine if you had never been born. Laura Horton might not have gone over the edge and Jennifer could have grown up with her mother, Austin and Carrie would have married four or five years earlier, Alan wouldnít have come to town to rape Sami and send HER over the edge, plus you couldnít have encouraged her to diet herself into bulimia, oh, is this not cheering you up?

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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