May 12th 1999

Welcome to todayís synopsis, starring Billie, Hope, Bo, Stefano, Vivian, Celeste, Sami, Eric, Carrie, Austin, Roman, Lucas, Nicole, and Kate-- with a special guest appearance by Francoís ghost.

Billie and Hope are still chatting.
Hope: Billie, friendship is the most important thing to me, which is why I have so many friends. Letís see, thereís Lili, and . . . and . . .
Billie: I canít be your friend. I lost the man I love just four short years ago and you expect me to be over it?

MEANWHILE, Vivian and her beloved husband are deep in conversation.
Vivian: I want my family around me.
Stefano: Well, John doesnít care about you. How many times has he visited you since he realized you were dying, months ago?
Vivian: Months is only a couple of days, Salem time.
Stefano: And you arenít on speaking terms with your nephew Lawrence.
Vivian: But Iíd love to see Nikki. Funny how I havenít mentioned him for years but I mention him twice today.
Stefano:
(opening a dictionary and reading) Foreshadowing. 1. To represent or typify beforehand. 2. To predict, arrange for in advance.
Vivian: Thank you, Stefano. Youíve made me feel cherished ever since we first had a one night stand and I woke up in the morning and you were gone. I especially felt cherished that time when you forced Ivan and me to help you skip town, and when I had to hit you over the head in some tunnel in Paris to keep you from guillotining John.
(Stefano leaves and Bo arrives to see Vivian.)
Bo: Vivian obviously inherited a fortune. I cleverly deduce that that must be why DiMera married her. Iím not sure why I was unable to cleverly deduce that months ago. It must be because I miss Fancy Face. Thereíll never be another woman for me besides her and Carly and Billie and whoever else I might become involved with when Kristian Alfonsoís contract runs out again.
Vivian: Bo? Iím glad youíre here. I just wanted to tell you that Stefano is furious Iím leaving so much of my money to Ivan.
Bo: I might wonder about leaving money to someone who has apparently inexplicably left Salem, too.

MEANWHILE, Willís custody hearing is winding up.
Eric: Lucas has obviously manipulated MY fiancee into marrying him!
Judge: I do not suspect ulterior motives simply because a woman becomes engaged to someone one day and then marries her rich boss the next.
Gregory: Mrs. Roberts will make a fine stepmother for Will. Has anyone ever seen how motherly she acts toward her little sister, Taylor?
(Eric slugs Lucas and is escorted outside. He peeks through the door and spies on proceedings, like a good Brady.)
Judge: Nicole, I am sorry you had to witness such disgraceful behavior- you obviously have no experience with disgraceful behavior yourself, at least not in the last day or so, except for that being engaged to one man and then marrying another thing. You may have a moment to collect yourself.
Nicole: Iím ready. All I want is to be wife to Lucas and stepmother to Will, and a lot of money and possessions and fame and the ability to treat underlings like dirt, especially if Iím related to them.
Austin: Mickey! Do something!
Mickey:
(still celebrating the fact that he successfully objected to a line of questioning yesterday and jumping back up on the table, singing) Oh Mickey, what a pity, canít you understand? You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand . . .
Austin: No! I meant do something to discredit the Lucas-Nicole marriage.
Mickey: Well, the marriage is probably legitimate. I didnít draw up the papers.
Judge: Custody goes to Lucas and Nicole.
Lucas: Nicole, I was proud of you as soon as I realized you were a backstabbing golddigger. Iím even prouder now that youíve lied under oath.
Carrie:
(watching) Wow. I canít even imagine what Eric must be going through. I would have been devastated if my fiancé had run off and married, or lived with, or had children with, another woman who could hypothetically have been my sister Sami.

MEANWHILE, Sami and Roman are watching the trial from death row.
Roman: I knew it! I knew Nicole was bad news! Why didnít Eric listen to me?
Sami: Because youíve never liked anyone any of your kids have ever been involved with?
Roman: Because none of you have ever been involved with someone without a criminal record.
Sami: No one in Salem has no criminal record except Stefano.
(to TV) Nicole!! Tell the truth!!
Roman: You should talk.
(Lucas goes up to the camera and taunts Sami with his own victory dance, supported by the cheerleaders who suddenly appeared during Mickeyís dance.)
Sami: IíM GONNA KILL HIM!!
Francoís Ghost:
(arriving) Samanda, híI thaw hue woul have learned nah to say tha af-ter what happa tha las time hue said híit.
Sami: What are you doing here?
Franco: HíI coul haf been Willís step-fadder. HíI am innerested in him. HíI am going to try to geh castady.
Sami: Well, youíll probably be a better parent than Nicole.


End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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