May 11th 1999

Time for another exciting episode of Days of Our Lives. Line of the day: "Too many people know about that secret room!"

John and Bo are talking.
(loudly) I heard Marlenaís got the flu, so I though Iíd come over and getting in a loud conversation with you outside her bedroom. Say, what were you talking to Stefano about earlier?
John: Mostly about how heís running the town and Iím going to bring him down.
Bo: Wow! Thatís illuminating! Why did we never have that conversation with him before!?
John: He said he had nothing to do with anything. He thinks we canít see through that.
Bo: Well, we couldnít figure out that you werenít Roman.
John: Details, details.
Bo: I think Vivian will help us bring him down.
John: I donít follow you.
Bo: Arenít you used to that yet?

MEANWHILE, Hope/Gina is waiting for Billie to show up at their lunch date.
Hope/Gina: Where is Billie? How could she be late? Does she have a job or something?
(Billie enters and walks through the restaurant to Hopeís table. Her breasts knock the contents of several tables to the floor as they swing. Billie doesnít seem to notice as she is talking to the compact which she knows Hope wants to take from her; she has decided that the best way to hide the compact from Hope is to wave it under her nose.)
Hope/Gina: Billie! Guess what, Iíve decided that I can survive without having a man in my life.
Billie: (puzzled) But then who will rescue you when the Bad Guy
(trademark) ties you to a bed and holds you hostage?
Hope: It doesnít matter. I just wanted to tell you how glad I am that youíll be around as Boís second choice when I skip town.
Billie: Youíre rejecting Bo again? I never rejected Bo! Except that time when I went to Paris, left him crying in the airport, and came back a year later with a different face. You-
Hope: I donít want to talk about me.
Billie: Since when?

MEANWHILE, custody court is in session.
Carrie: I have decided that the best way to prove to the judge that Austin and I are happily married is to exchange glares with him throughout the proceedings.
Alice: Donít give up hope, Lucas.
Lucas: Hope? I never thought of being obsessed with her . . . dang, weíre related . . . Remember, Iím part Horton.
Alice: You certainly are. You have no idea who your children or parents are.
Judge: Austin Reed, blah, blah, blah, truth, truth, truth.
Austin: When Will was a baby crying in the hospital, *I* was the one there with him.
Judge: It was probably your acting that made him cry.
Gregory: Werenít you arrested for running off with your wifeís sister?
Mickey: Irrelevant! That has no bearing on this case!
Judge: Thatís right.
Mickey: Whoa! I did something right.
(He does a victory dance on the table while Lucas takes the stand.)
Lucas: I want to be a hands-on dad-
Judge: The hands-on thing was what got you in trouble last time.
Lucas: Anyway, Iíd tuck him in at night as long as I wasnít at a party. And Iíd make him breakfast in the morning. Well, Iíd have Cook do it. Iíd do homework with him. Iím a smart guy- I have a great job even though Iím a military school dropout. My Momís owning the company has nothing to do with anything. Iíd do everything for Will. Well, maybe Henderson could do the diapers. But Iíd coach him in baseball, coach him in soccer, or Iíd at least pay off the coach so heíd let him play.
Judge: But you donít have a wife.
Lucas: I do now.
(entering, wearing shades, slutty clothes, a fur coat, a cigarette dangling from her lips) Yes, Iíd love to help raise Gil? Bill? Dill? Jill?
WILL! Yeah, him.
Judge: Iím glad you found an appropriate mother figure. It shows you care.

MEANWHILE, Stefano and Rolf are plotting.
Rolf: Iíll put the paintings in the secret room.
Stefano: No! Too many people know about it! The paintings would be hard to explain if they were found. I might have to do something drastic like put baseball caps on them so they wouldnít be recognized.
Rolf: Then you want to run off with Gina? Surely your conscience wonít allow that.
Stefano: Rolf, you of all people should know I have no conscience.

End of Show
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