March 10th 1999

Welcome to the synopsis that Stefano DiMera does not want you to read. NBC's signal was out for the middle twenty minutes of the show today (and we all know who ends up being responsible for anything that goes wrong in the end). But I won't let that stop me: here's Wednesday's synopsis.

Marlena and John are at the hospital.
Ali: I'm sorry I had to call you in for that emergency. It's not like it's your job or anything.
Marlena: That's okay, Ali. Doing my job once a year or so won't kill me.
(Ali leaves.) Anyway, I talked to Hope, but she didn't seem like herself. She was guarded, then relaxed, and then angry, and we all know Hope never get angry. If she did, half of her relationship with Bo would be based on yelling at him. She did seem obsessed with you, John.
John: Why would she be obsessed with me?
Marlena: Because Kristen and Susan are gone and a big hero like you can't limit himself to just one woman?
John: I guess. I just can't see myself linked to anyone besides you or Kristen or Susan or Isabella or Diana or-
Marlena: The show is only an hour long.

MEANWHILE, Hope is visiting Lily.
Hope: I hope you don't mind that I ate all your truffles?
Lily: I'm just surprised.
Hope: Why? Because there was a huge bowl and even one of those is pretty rich?
Lily: No, because I thought you were anorexic.
Hope: I need you to help me get rid of Marlena.
Lily: My dear sweet Gina! I'm so glad my sweet Gina is back instead of that Hope who went around making effort not to hurt peoples' feelings and never even considered just knocking them off.

MEANWHILE, a fugitive Austin has snuck off to visit Carrie.
Carrie: I love my husband so much. That's why I don't recognize him when he's wearing a baseball hat even though he's calling to me without disguising his voice.
Austin: Sami . . . uhh . . . and . . . uhh . . . Will . . . uhh . . . need . .. uhh . . . me.
Carrie: I need you too, Austin. Someone has to help me fend off these birds that keep mistaking my hair for a nest.

MEANWHILE, Eric and Billie make plans to get information from Roberto.
Eric: Billie, I won't leave you alone. I have to protect you. I'm sure Roberto shakes with fear every time he sees me. Plus, I have a long family history of standing outside a bedroom door and listening while one person seduces another, and I think my parents would be really disappointed if I let this opportunity pass.
Billie: Okay, stick around.
(Eric hides, Roberto enters.)
Roberto: Beelee, is me! H'I'm look-ing forwar to gehing to know hue.
Billie: Well, I want to take things slow. That's why I'm wearing leopard print lingerie and pouring champagne in a cheap hotel room.
Roberto: Hi know hi jus meh hue, buh I feel I shoul tell you hall about my mob connections. Franco sole drags, buh he kep some hof tha ma-ney. Hue nefer cross those peeple an leef.
Billie: "Hue nefer cross those peeple an leef?" Maybe I should take a hint.
(Roberto goes to shower and Billie goes to Eric.)
Eric: You should leave.
Billie: No, I'm safe. He had a bottle of champagne, and you know how strong CHAMPAGNE is. He's ready to pass out. Leave.
(Eric does.)
Roberto: Wha sobun ada door, Beelee?
Billie: No.
Roberto: Goot. Now h'Im free to hole a knife to h'your throa. H'I hope wan h'of tha Bradys will rescue h'you in time.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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