March 8th 1999

Welcome to the spring break installment of the Days of Our Lives synopsis. The producers and writers of Days were nice enough to avoid developing any new storylines or twists or characters during the past few months so I could pick up right where I left off. So, today's show starts with John and Hope.

Hope: Joh-ohn, I wanna go to Europe with you-ou.
John: Talk to Bo. He cares. I don't.
Hope: But John, I wanna go with you. Pretty please?
John: Talk to Marlena, maybe she can help you. She is a psychiatrist, even though she never seems to have any patients or work to do.
(aside) So maybe if I can get Marlena to take John on as an official patient, she'll ignore him . . .
(John leaves and meets Lili, Lucille, Bo, and Greta at Salem Place.)
Lili: Lucille, stop asking me when we're going back to Europe. You ask me constantly.
Lucille: I have to say something so that we'll be able to have dialogue without moving the story forward.
Greta: Bo and I are going to Europe, though. Bo thinks that Stefano knows how my mother died, although I can't believe that one person completely controls the lives of everyone in this town.
Bo: John. How. Did. Hope. Seem. ? Does. She. Not. Realize. How. Hard. Sami's. Problems. Are. On. You. And. Marlena. ?
John: I guess she doesn't know how hard Sami's trial was on us, since we were never at the trial and we're doing nothing to try to track her down now.
Bo: Then. What. Is. Wrong. ?
John: I don't know how close I was to Princess Gina. But I know I didn't break a vow of celibacy. The kind of person who would do that would also, for example, have three kids with three women none of whom he was married to and one of whom was married to someone else at the time, and I certainly haven't done that.
Bo: Well. I. Wonder. If. Marlena. Is. Making. Progress. With. Hope. Now.
(to camera) Do not attempt these transitions unless you are a professional.

MEANWHILE, back with Marlena and Hope:
Marlena: I think I know what's going on.
Hope: Really?
Marlena: Of course not. This story couldn't be drawn out for another three years if I was that quick.
Hope: Oh. Well, it's just that I'm not ready to be a family again with Bo and Shawn-D. I just want a future with the man I love.
Marlena: So Shawn-D is the problem? Listen, you can send him to school someplace like I did with my first family or stick him with a nanny like I did with my second family. Either way, he won't interrupt your life too much.
Hope: But how am I supposed to get over the fact that Bo slept with another woman?
Marlena: Actually, he slept with several other women.
Hope: That's why I want to chase John instead. He would never sleep with another woman when he thought his wife was dead . . .

MEANWHILE, Carrie is at the hospital with Roman.
Roman: Please, don't make a mistake with your marriage that you might regret.
Carrie: You've been talking to Marlena.
Roman: Of course I haven't. Who ever heard of parents having a civil conversation about their childrens' welfare?
Carrie: What do you want?
Carrie: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! So we're just going to have to pretend that Marlena isn't with John and I'm not with Austin, oh, wait a second, old script, sorry.
Roman: All I want is your happiness. And for you to take that birds' nest off your head.

MEANWHILE, Eric wakes up in Nicole's bed.
Nicole: Hi, Eric. I thought you might like to read this newspaper article about your twin sister's impending death while you had breakfast.
Eric: Thanks, Nicole. You're so sweet and thoughtful.
(His phone rings and he has a vague conversation.) Sorry, Nicole. That was just a friend.
Nicole: A friend? No one had friends in Salem. You have lovers and enemies and family members. Gees. You could at least respect me enough to make up a realistic lie. Are you seeing another woman?
Eric: I just told you that you're the only woman I've ever been with because I waited until I was in love and now you think I have girlfriends all over town?
Nicole: I just think you don't trust me. The fact that every time I get near Lucas your plans to expose him suddenly go awry shouldn't keep you from telling me everything you're doing while your sister's life is on the line.
(Nicole leaves and heads for Titan.) Wow, which of these dresses should I wear first?
Lucas: Nicole, the shoot isn't for you.
Nicole: You mean I'm not the only model in a big company like Titan?
Lucas: Apparently not.
(He leaves to talk to Kate in the next room.)
Kate: Why are you mad at me, Lucas? Why am I always to blame?
Lucas: Don't worry. I'm sure we'll eventually prove that Stefano did it.
Kate: Yes, and Sami will slip up soon.
Lucas: Austin won't let Sami slip up.
Kate: If you're worrying about Austin's brains, you're really worrying about nothing.
Lucas: You did lie to Austin, though.
(entering) You lied to Austin? And you flirted with Roman?
Kate: Why do you care who I socialize with?
Billie: Because I'm sleeping with him. It seems weird for him to go from mother to daughter. That would be like me flirting with Roman and then with Eric . . . I mean . . . never mind . . .
Kate: So you've been talking to Eric? And helping Austin?
Billie: I have a meeting.
Kate: We work together. Where's your meeting?
Billie: You're the CEO. You tell me.
Kate: What?
Billie: Second base.
Kate: I mean, what are you helping Austin with?
Billie: His work.
Kate: Oh. Well, he needs help with that even when he's here. But how will you explain all of this to your friend Roman?
Billie: I don't know. I'm sure he'll be so mad at me when he finds out I've been trying to save his daughter from death row.

MEANWHILE, Sami herself is hiding out with Austin.
Sami: Your marital problems are all my fault.
Austin: Don't be silly. All you did was stalk me, rape me, stop my wedding to announce I had fathered your child when I hadn't, lie to me, lie to Carrie, fake amnesia, manipulate your father's failing health, manipulate my concern for your son when you knew Lucas never really hit him, and trick me into boxing when you knew it would upset Carrie.
Sami: But maybe Carrie thinks you abandoned your marriage when you ran off with your ex-wife who also happens to be the half-sister she hates.
Austin: Never mind that. I'm going to clear your name; I'm meeting Eric and Billie today.
Sami: That's too dangerous. I've forgiven myself for blackmailing Kate, being hateful to the man who raised me as his own daughter, emotionally blackmailing my mother, putting my son's life in danger, keeping you from marrying my sister for four years, lying about Lucas's behavior, selling my younger sister on the black market, and threatening various people with loaded weapons, but I could never forgive myself if something happened to you.
Austin: The police won't catch me. I'll wear a baseball cap.
Sami: Wow! You're so clever. I guess you won't be caught. That baseball cap thing is so devious, I'm surprised Stefano DiMera has never used it.
Austin: He has. That's where I got the idea.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.

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