|Friday, January 8, 1999
Welcome to today's impeachment-delayed synopsis. We begin with Bo and Abe, who are searching frantically for Shawn-Douglas.
Bo: The cops HAVE to find Shawn-Douglas. Lord knows I won't be able to.
Abe: (holding cell phone) They just found a body in the river.
Bo: There's no way Shawn-D would drown. He's a good swimmer, which would protect him from hypothermia if he was outdoors in a river in the Midwest in January.
Abe: Well, I'll order my men to search every boat.
Bo: That body CANNOT be my son. He has a contract.
Abe: Wait, wait, my men have found him. He's on a boat called the Fancy Face Two.
Bo: He's somewhere where his parents often are? I never would have guessed.
MEANWHILE, Hope is also worried.
Stefano: What makes you think I'm behind this kidnapping? You think I'm behind everything.
Hope: No, it's just that you were behind the brainwashing of me and my disappearance from Salem years ago and apparently much of the Cruise of Deception, this entire Greta thing, the brainwashing of John and the various disappearances and re-appearances of Roman and Marlena, the kidnapping of Sami, Eric, and Carrie as children, the exposing of Belle's parentage, the death of Austin and Billie's father and Billie's subsequent framing, the outcome of John's trial, the outcome of Jack's trial, the entire Susan fiasco-
Stefano: Okay, so I'm occasionally the cause of events in Salem. But what could I gain from kidnapping your son, besides distracting you enough to keep you out of my business?
MEANWHILE, another of Stefano's pawns is unaware of the kidnapping.
Greta: I'm glad you're here with me, Father John.
John: I wouldn't be anywhere else, such as the trial of the woman I raised as my daughter where the woman I love is giving painful testimony.
Mike: And I'll help with the surgery. Doctors who work in the emergency room, treat strokes, deliver babies, and cure tropical diseases always are also skilled at delicate plastic surgery.
Carrie: Mike, I'm so proud of all you can do. I want these kisses and attraction between us to stop, so I'm wearing my sluttiest dress.
MEANWHILE, Sami is still on trial.
Roman: Mickey, can't you block this line of questioning?
Mickey: Roman, I'm an actor, not a lawyer!
DA: Dr. Evans, is it true that your daughter Samantha kidnapped her sister?
Marlena: Well, you have to understand that I'm a really terrible mother and Sami only wanted to keep Belle from being sent off to Colorado and aging seven years in six months or being locked in the Brady Pub for months on end.
DA: Still, doesn't this prove that she is capable of criminal behavior?
Marlena: Well, as the person who knows her best in the world, so well that I couldn't tell when she was bulimic or faking amnesia or going over the edge as the result of my affair, I don't think so.
DA: Call Eric Brady. Mr. Brady, what is your relationship to Samantha Brady?
Eric: We have this twin telepathy thing.
Judge: Okay, some people believe in that for identical twins, but nobody even makes an argument that fraternal twins are telepathic. Throw him out of court.
DA: Then recall Austin Reed.
All: Gladly. Anything as defective as him should definitely be recalled.
DA: Did you react when you learned that you were not the father of Will, and that Samantha was faking her amnesia?
Austin: Uhhhh . . . not . . . uhh . . . really.
DA: How can you defend her?
Austin: Uhh . . . all . . . she . . . ever . . . uhh . . . wanted . . . was . . . the . . . uhh . . . love . . . of . . . a . . . ummm . . . good . . .
DA: That doesn't explain why she was after you.
Marlena: I AM A WONDERFUL, INVOLVED PARENT! YOU CAN'T SEND MY BABY TO THE GAS CHAMBER!
Roman: No one is sending Belle anywhere.
Marlena: Who's Belle?
End of Show
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