November 23, 1998

Stefano is at home, with his convenient "all Vivian, all the time" television.
Rolf: Stefvano, if you keep using zuh remote, zuh damage vwill be permanent.
Stefano: Let's put Viv in an up mode.
Rolf: Stefvano, if you keep using zuh remote, zuh damage vwill be permanent.
Stefano: Let's put viv in a down mode.
Rolf: Stefvano, if you keep using zuh remote, zuh damage vwill be permanent.
Stefano: Vivian will marry me now.
Rolf: Stefvano, if you keep using zuh remote, zuh damage vwill be permanent.
Stefano: And then you can end her dementia.
Rolf: It is impossible. Zshe doez not have long to live. Zuh damage iz permanent.
Stefano: Why didn't you warn me about this?
Vivian:
(on TV) John, why don't you mind your own business?
John:
(on TV) Well, ever since Doc and I got together, we haven't had any business, and that's a fact.
Vivian:
(on TV) Never mind. Celeste, make me some coffee.
John:
(on TV) You just asked for coffee when you could have asked for tea, and that's a fact! You must be demented, and that's a fact. I'm taking you to the dentist to find out if Stefano put a mood control device in your tooth, and that's a fact. (They go off to the dentist, and Vivian is cured. It turns out that the dentist has a lot of stock in a big publishing company, so Vivian marries him instead of Stefano.)

MEANWHILE, at the hospital:
Mike: Don't be mad, Carrie. Ali is using the same tactics you used to get me elected to my position.
Carrie: But you were the best man for the job. As PR director of the hospital, I know who deserves what position. I spent a lot of time doing research, or I would have if I hadn't been chasing you around.
Mike: Carrie, leave Ali alone. Ali . . .
(flashes back) Ali, I need some space.
Ali:
(in flashback) Okay, you need space. (wraps her arms around him) Since you need some space, how about I stick my tongue down you throat? (kisses him) Is this much space good?

MEANWHILE, at Titan:
Lucas: Thank you for welcoming me back, everyone. I hope one day my son can follow in my footsteps and work here.
Worker: He's already a senior vice president.
Kate: Isn't it funny how everyone related to me is naturally bright enough to be in the upper ranks of management without even an elementary school education?
Lucas: And thank you, Taylor, for helping me with my therapy. I had a fast recovery from my accident.
Taylor: I can't take credit for that. After all, I haven't even finished one term of college, so I would hardly know how to rehabilitate a seriously injured person. I guess we just got lucky that you got well at all.
(leaves to tell Eric and Nicole that Lucas is on his way)
Eric: I need complete honesty from a woman.
Nicole: Then you're in the wrong town.
(Eric runs out to get information on becoming a priest)
Taylor: Nicole, you could just tell him the truth.
Nicole: Yeah, and I could tell him about your crush on him.
Taylor: Yes, everyone hates to be told that someone likes them. I'm sure Eric will never speak to me again.
Eric:
(returning, to Lucas) Sami only took Will away from you because you're a drunk.
Lucas: Look, I don't wanna rehash the past. Sami is out of my life. Hey, Taylor, how about chasing after your older sister's boyfriend so I can have your sister for myself? Oh, maybe losing weight would help, you might wanna become bulemic. Hey, how about you drug Eric into bed and get pregnant so he'll stay with you out of responsibility to the child? Why do I feel like I've done this before? Boy, am I glad Sami is gone.

End of Show
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