October 28, 1998

Oh Boy! It's Wednesday's Synopsis! (Minus the last few minutes because I opted not
to be late for class today.)

At the hospital.
Carrie: I am SO traumatized because I saw Mike and Ali kissing. He shouldn't be
kissing people in his own office with the door shut, because someone like me
could walk in without knocking. (she begins sobbing loudly)
Marlena: My, Carrie is sobbing loudly. Using my super-psychiatrist-stepmother
skills, I deduce that she is upset.
John: You go talk to her, and I'll get the car and maybe get in a violent
shootout with Stefano DiMera along the way.
Marlena: Oh, John. Remember I love you so.
John: Don't worry about me. Attempting to kill a vindictive man who never dies
isn't dangerous. (leaves)
Carrie: Marlena, Ali and Mike shouldn't be together romantically. They work
together. Just because Mike also worked with Robin, and Jack and Jenn were both
reporters, and Bo and Hope were both cops, and Dad and Billie worked in the ISA
together, and Austin and I worked together, and Eric and Nicole worked together,
doesn't mean its a good idea.
Marlena: Uh . . . follow your heart? (leaves; Carrie's phone rings)
Austin: (on phone) Hi, it's your husband. I'm having dinner with your sister
whom you hate. Wanna come down?
Carrie: Somehow, I'm not tempted. But I always like to talk to the man I love.
(hangs up) So I'm going to see Mike. (she does) Ali isn't here?
Mike: Nope, you just got rid of the only sex I've had in at least five years.
Carrie: I don't think Ali should be on the list. That's an indication of her
craftiness, even though you weren't the one who made the list.
Mike: So my kissing Ali was a mistake? I should pine away after someone who isn't
available?
Carrie: You can actually be in love with someone who ISN'T married to someone else?
Mike: I can see how that would come as a shock.
(nearby)
Taylor: Lucas, I don't think you should date Nicole because she's beautiful,
unlike all the other women around here, and around beautiful women men turn off
their brains.
Lucas: You're new to Salem. Let me explain. Here, you can't tell whether menís'
brains are on or off or even present.
Taylor: Oh. Well, the problem is, I have a crush on Eric, but he thinks I'm just a kid.
Lucas: Go after him anyway.
Taylor: You're encouraging a teenage girl, in the shadow of her older sister, to
go after the man her sister wants so you can have the older sister, a Titan model,
for yourself?
Lucas: I have the strangest sense of deja vu.

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Woman: I washed one side of my face with this new soap, and the other side with
my old soap. The second side looks dirty. Hooray! Now I don't have to spend money
on makeup for Halloween.

Announcer: With fisher price, you can see the world as if for the first time.
Actually, the first time YOU saw this stuff, it was made mostly of wood and it
didn't break every time you touched it. So maybe you should remember the real
first time you saw the fisher price world.

MEANWHILE, most of Salem is at the Penthouse Grill.
Kate: So, Stefano, can you erase Sami's memory?
Stefano: Why would you think I can erase peoples' memories? That would be ridiculous.
Austin: Yeah uh Mom uh why uh do uh you uh want uh Sami uh to uh forget uh
Franco's uh death?
Kate: Well, it's certainly not because I was there and know what really happened.
Austin: Uh of uh course uh not.
Kate: Can we get back to that wonderful mother-son relationship we had before?
Austin: When uh I uh was uh abandoned uh on uh the uh streets?
Kate: No, after that. I've got a decent relationship with Lucas now, so it's
time for me to alienate him and be nice to you, since I can't love both my sons
at once.
Austin: Uh you uh have uh three uh sons.
Kate: Really? You mean I have a baby named Phillip who hasn't been seen for a
year, yet I tell Sami every day that she's a bad mother?
Austin: Uh yeah. Uh Sami, uh Carrie uh can't uh come.
Sami: She must have a lot of work.
All: Work!? What's that?
Austin: Uh I uh do uh like uh Titan uh since uh I uh don't uh have uh to uh do
uh anything, uh but uh I'm uh glad uh to uh be uh boxing uh again.
Sami: I manipulated you into boxing again, but I had your best interests at heart.
Austin: Uh you're uh so uh sweet uh and uh good uh and uh innocent.
Sami: You're the only support I have. Except for Dad and Eric and Mom and John
and Uncle Bo and to a point Carrie and Lexie and Abe and Nicole and Billie and
Hope and my lawyer Mickey.
Austin: Uh what uh is uh Vivian uh doing?
Sami: I haven't a clue. I must be spending too much time with you.
Vivian: (with microphone, to whole restaurant) Hi, Billie. Nice dress. Here's
fifty dollars, go back and buy the rest of it. And her mother Kate! I see owning a makeup company doesn't slow the aging process. My, my John and Marlena.
Everyone in the room would have lost money on your getting together, I know I
would have. (to Roman) He did! That's the ex-husband, everybody. She strung the
two of them along for months, putting them through agony before she chose between
them. And here's one of Marlena's children, along with one of Kate's litter.
Austin used to be a prize fighter but he forgot to duck. You know, Austin, it's
a good thing your mother owns a company, because while you're pretty to look at,
you're a few french fries short of a happy meal. As evidenced by the fact that
you're having dinner with Sami. If anyone wants to get a man into bed, talk to
Sami and she'll give you her pharmacist's number. She drugged Austin to get him
into bed; I don't know how else she'd get a man to sleep with her. Sami, look at
this newlywed couple. THAT'S what you're supposed to do- marry your fiancé, not
kill him!
(Sami slaps Vivian.)
Sami: Hey, ClayZebra, you just wrote down Vivian's speech from the show, you
didn't change it. Are you getting lazy?
ClayZebra: Get back in the TV, Sami. Slap Vivian again if you like. (she does)
Vivian: Look! A mood control device fell out of my tooth! That's why strange
things have been happening!
All: Oh! Now we can live normal lives.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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