October 26, 1998

It's got everything- even lame jokes you've heard before. It's Monday's Synopsis!

At the hospital:
Lucas: Everything seems so hopeless.
Nicole: Don't look so far ahead. I'm right in front of you, for example- a
beautiful model you can give money to!
Lucas: Wow, it's nice to meet someone with no agenda. You remind me of my
physical therapist, Taylor.
Nicole: It's funny how the two of us keep turning up in the same places and we're
always getting compared to one another. Just remember, WE ARE NOT ESTRANGED SISTERS! (she sees Eric hug Taylor nearby) Now I know why Taylor wouldn't lie for me- she's got a crush on Eric. Also, I treat her like dirt every chance I get, but I'm sure THAT doesn't affect her.
Taylor: (entering) Lucas, are you in a better mood now?
Lucas: Yes, because Nicole is hot. Unlike you and Sami and Carrie and all the
other women on this show.

MEANWHILE, at Titan:
Kate: I'm firing Sami because she hasn't worked since she murdered Franco.
Unlike you and Lucas, who are *constantly* at work.
Austin: You . . . just . . . want . . . to . . . get . . . her.
Kate: Oh, my! Was that an insight?
Austin: Duh.
Kate: Wow, I was worried for a second. Anyway, Sami has to torture Lucas by
sending him papers about Will's custody while he's in the hospital. And Lucas is
so nice to Sami, lying so she'll be thrown in jail.

MEANWHILE, Stefano and Rolf are spying on Vivian and Ivan via camera.
Ivan: (on camera) I will tell you so much about Stefano DiMera that you won't
want to hear his name again.
Vivian: (on camera) Well, I already knew that he brainwashed my nephew, kidnapped
my niece by marriage, and forced us to do things that landed us in jail or broke
on several occasions.
Stefano: She is herrr old self again. Now let's change herrrr.
Rolf: Zuh serum she iz taking iz zuh reason you cannot uze zuh remote.
Stefano: (grabbing remote) Like this?
Rolf: No, Stefano, you must not-
Stefano: Trick remote. Ha ha.
Rolf: I'm glad zis job payz a lot.

MEANWHILE, at the Kiriakisless Mansion:
Hope: What's in that box?
Billie: Well, not the dead body of my baby, because that would be disgusting.
Hope: Oh, okay.
Billie: Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms.
Hope: There seem to be some crawling around on this box . . .
Billie: Go away! Because of you, I've lost everyone I loved and I'll never have
the future I had originally planned.
Hope: Didn't you originally plan to wander the streets as a drug addict, along
with your petty criminal brother and your incestuous father, and eventually slip
into prostitution?
Billie: Well, the future I planned after that one. Go away! (Hope leaves;
Billie calls Erlene.)
Erlene: (on phone) Wayne and Earl gave you the cayesket?
Billie: They didn't come in.
Erlene: (on phone) I want'd them to say hello. "Hello, Miss Billie, we've got
your dead baby in that box yonder" or somethin' like that.

MEANWHILE, at Salem Place.
Roman: Hope is being awfully hard on Billie, and just because Billie screams at
her every chance she gets and tries to keep her away from you!
Bo: Why do you know so much about Billie?
Roman: (loudly, as people pass his table) We were undercover with the ISA.
Bo: Why did you put her in danger? You know that only us manly men are allowed
to be in danger. That's why our little women never get kidnapped or raped or put
in cages or dropped in acid or shot or anything.
End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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