April 10, 1998

Hello, and welcome to Friday's Synopsis. Today, for your viewing pleasure, the roles of Kristen, Violet, Edmond, Elvis, Laura, Abe, Mickey, Marlena, John, Jack, Jennifer, Celeste, Stefano, Roman, Susan, and Penelope will be played by Eileen Davidson.

Kristen (as Susan) is escaping with Elvis.
"Susan": Soon, only Stefano will know where we are.
Elvis: What a novel idea. Stefano being behind everything.
"Susan": I love you so much. That's why I haven't even noticed you have a fever.
Violet: (arriving) He has a fever. I'll call Belle and Brady's pediatrician.
"Susan": John and Marlena see their kids often enough to get them medical care?
Violet: Well, they need a doctor every time Marlena and John forget to feed them for a few months.

MEANWHILE, Susan is still a captive, but she is having flashbacks.
Penelope: (British accent) I'm your long-lost sister.
Susan: Knock off the phony accent, Kristaan!
Penelope: Look, if I'm going to play every role on this show, I have to keep them straight somehow.
Susan: You sure are an actress.
Penelope: Yeah, that's why I'm quitting Days.
Susan: See, here's a picture of Kristen.
Penelope: What a devastatingly beautiful woman. But people would think she was ugly if she wore a mouthpiece and thick glasses.
Susan: I still think you’re a DiMera. Maybe the DiMeras can trick me one time, maybe they can trick me two times, maybe they can trick me three times, maybe they can trick me fifty times, but they can't trick me a hundred times. Who do they think I am? John Black?
Penelope: I'm your long lost sister. I was so excited when I saw your photo in the paper.
Susan: Let's see, I'm on the run from a mad man who has spies everywhere, but I had my picture put in the paper.
Penelope: Let me help you. It'll be fun.
Susan: There's nothing fun about that mean, mean, mean Kristen. You see, we don't believe in well-rounded characters on this show. Psychos and doormats- all the way.
Penelope: I'm coming anyway. They let you smoke on planes, right?

MEANWHILE, Celeste is also having some memories.
Celeste: Stefano, I was having horrible visions.
Stefano: As opposed to the nice visions you usually have.
Celeste: You think I'm capable of murder? You think I killed Kristen?
Stefano: Only because you worked for me and I was in that business.
Celeste: Well, I thank God you gave me that cure. Never mind that you and your idiot children got me sick in the first place.
Stefano: Still, how can you be sure you didn't kill Kristen?
Celeste: Because she isn't dead.
Stefano: Oh yeah.
Celeste: Laura shot at her, but neither Laura nor I killed her. Then everything went Black.
Stefano: I knew John was involved. Hey, how about we frame him for the murder of one of my kids? That'll be original!

MEANWHILE, Laura is also celebrating Remembrance Day at the police station.
Laura: I just wanted to stop the pain. So I shot at Kristen, because guns never cause pain. Now I've told you everything.
Abe: You always say you've said everything, and you always leave something out. Unlike every other person in every other case in Salem.
Laura: Marlena, this is all your fault! It's your fault I bought an illegal gun and it's your fault I pulled the trigger and it's your fault I acted like I was happy at the funeral. Besides, Jack knew I had the gun. My son-in-law whom I claim to love, who just got out of prison, who has a very shady past- I'll try to shift some of the blame onto him. I'm such a great
Jack: I'm sure I would have had a smooth comment once, but I'll just stare at the camera with a dumb look on my face this time.
Abe: Laura killed Kristen.
Jennifer: What are you insinuating?
Jack: See, I'm not the only who's gotten dumber over the years.
Jennifer: I wonder why no one cares that we're being written out?
Jack: Mickey, can you get Laura out on bail?
Mickey: Me? Get someone out on bail?
Laura: Marlena, John, you don't believe me when I say I didn't kill Kristen, do you?
Marlena/John: Stefano's children could never frame an innocent person for their murder.
Mike: Bye, Mom. I love you. Even though you just cost me a really great job.
Laura: I'm a great mom.
(Laura is locked up and the Hortons leave)
Abe: Well, I'm a cop and John isn't, but I'll send him out to gather evidence.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.

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