|Thursday, May 24, 2001
Welcome to Thursday’s Synopsis of a show which wouldn’t deserve to be made fun of if it weren’t for Philip Tork and Chloe. Have I mentioned lately that I love Jack and Jennifer?
Philip Tork and Chloe are carving their initials into a poor innocent tree:
Chloe: It’s so nice of you to take me off on a date while my mother is in the hospital, your father would be in the hospital if he could get there, our best friends are stuck in an elevator, and various of our acquaintances are dying or trying to save lives.
Philip Tork: Anything for you.
Chloe: You make me feel like the heroine in a movie.
Philip Tork: Movie heroines are usually less selfish and less manic than you are. But they don’t do choreographed dances in the woods as badly as we do!
Chloe: True. Remember in "Dirty Dancing" when Baby tried to learn this move and she started laughing?
Philip Tork: Yeah. But by the end she’d mastered it.
Chloe: Which we obviously have not.
MEANWHILE, at the Penthouse, Bwady and John are shirtless, sweating, and rubbing up against each other:
Bwady: (thinking) I’ll steal Dad from that evil Marlena yet.
Marlena: (entering) Gasp! Why did-- gasp-- you-- gasp-- leave-- gasp-- me in the restaurant? Gasp! Just so-- gasp-- you could rescue-- gasp-- our children? Oh, and speaking of children, JT fell off a bridge.
(John, Belle, and Shawn-not-Douglas run out.)
Marlena: Bwady, are you okay?
Bwady: Dad isn’t here to see you pretend to care.
Marlena: Maybe I actually do care. I did raise you while your father was off with Kristen.
Bwady: No. That would make too much sense. Don’t touch me. (dreamily) Only Dad is allowed to do that. (Flashes back to sweating shirtless scene.)
MEANWHILE, Greta is taking care of Abby:
Abby: My lady Greta, I do perceive that some misdeed has been committed this good night.
Greta: Congratulations. You’re more perceptive than the entire Salem Police Department.
Hope: (bursting in with Bo) How dare you not have the news on so that Abby can see the report of her mother’s car going over a bridge?
(Jack enters with Jennifer after a comforting scene too good to sully with my synopsis.)
Bo: Is she drunk?
Jennifer: Why, yes, I got drunk while taking care of your baby and driving because that’s just the kind of person I am.
Jack: Leave her alone or I’ll start enunciating so hard I spit all over you.
Bo: Where is my son?
Jack: I don’t know.
Hope: Is he dead?
Jack: Which part of "I don’t know" didn’t you understand?
(Bo and Hope leave.)
Greta: Jennifer is lucky to have you.
Jack: I wish.
Greta: No, really. The two of you have been awesome since you cut out the buffoon act. You work so well together. (bitterly) You know who my leading man is? Duh-Boy!!
Jack: I’m sorry.
End of Show
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