|Wednesday, May 23, 2001
Welcome to the first synopsis brought to you by a team of writers all of whom have useless college degrees. Line of the day goes to Mark Valley (former Jack Deveraux) for a 1996 interview: "Stefano might just get mad, really mad, and blow us all up in a big tank of cherry Jello and cool whip. Itíll be ugly." I had no idea that was a real spoiler.
Stefano has blown up most of Salem:
Stefano: Iíll feel responsible if Lexie dies.
Rolf: Why? Just because you ordered the bomb that put her in the hospital planted?
Stefano: Yes. And itís even worse because sheís the only person who matters to me.
Rolf: (coughing) Peter, Kristen, Elvis, Benjy . . .
MEANWHILE, Philip Tork and Chloe are in the bombed-out Tuscany:
Philip Tork: Are you okay?
Chloe: Yes. Thank you for asking me as opposed to one of the people whoís lying on the ground moaning.
Philip Tork: Letís get away from them. Can you climb down mountains and hike five miles in those shoes?
Chloe: Sure! See how none of the fancy dresses worn by the female leads got torn by the explosions? The shoes that match these dresses are slip-on spiked heels suitable for running marathons.
MEANWHILE, Lexie has been hospitalized:
Craig: Itís touch and go.
Nurse: It must be that necklace. There are so many diamonds on it that the weight has damaged most of her internal organs!
(in Lexieís dream)
Lexie: You canít take Isaac from me! Look how well he points! He destined to get into MikeRís Spoiler Companion every day!
MEANWHILE, Belle and Shawn-not-Douglas are stuck in an elevator:
Belle: If Bwady tries to rescue us, he might get killed.
Bwady: (above) Donít worry! Iíve taken my shirt off for no apparent reason!
John: (arriving, above) Good work, son! Iíll take my shirt off for no apparent reason, too!
(the elevator starts and threatens to crush Bwady)
Belle: We have to stop the elevator!
Shawn-not-Douglas: Well, donít try the stop button or ask it to stop on the next floor we pass. Let your Dad stick something in the works so the special effects department can play with sparks.
MEANWHILE, with the wondiferous Jack and Jennifer:
Jennifer: JT fell off the bridge! He must be dead!
Jack: Donít be silly. Salemites canít die. But if we were going to lose a baby, I admit it should have been Isaac and not JT. Most viewers really hate Isaac. (shudders) The thought of John and Hope . . . .
Jennifer: Howím I gonna tell Hope?
Jack: Iíve seen the previews, and Iím pretty sure you let me do it. But I think JTís alive.
Roman: (arriving) Until JT is found, heís still missing.
Jack/Jennifer: That was an intelligent statement.
End of Show
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