Tuesday, May 1, 2001
Happy May Day! Line of the day goes to our pal Skipper for "if there's a pattern, I'm tired of trying to figure
it out." She was talking about Chlolita's personality, but I think it works for most Salemites.
Is actual work occurring at Titan?
Of course not!
Victor: Your mother's situation is nothing to be concerned
about unless you tend to worry about random fainting and bleeding spells.
Austin: So are you firing me?
Victor: Didn't Nicole do that a couple of weeks ago?
MEANWHILE, with Skipper and Chlolita:
Belle: I don't trust you.
Chloe: Whyever not? Just because I said Philip Tork raped me when he didn't? That's hardly a big deal.
Belle: True. I guess I'm just jealous because I'm sixteen and dateless. What did I do wrong?
Chloe: You turned down every single guy in the school when they all asked you to that dance a year or so ago.
MEANWHILE, at Bwady's hearing.
John: Roman threw his career away because he loves
Marlena: Which is more than we can say for you.
John: You chose Roman over Bwady!
Marlena: And only because Bwady was lying and Roman was telling the truth.
John: Except for the part about how he's actually Chris, not Roman.
Marlena: Yeah, except for that.
Lawyer: You're ignoring the damage to Bwady's psyche.
Marlena: Trust me, it couldn't get any more damaged.
John: You expect me to shake your hand?
Roman: Of course not. You're a total jerk. I never thought it would be possible to make me look good, but . . .
MEANWHILE, at the diner:
Kate: You know they moved Lucas to San Diego?
Philip Tork: Seeing as I'm the one who picked the facility, yeah, I did know that. By the way, I'm ashamed of you
for working in a diner.
Kate: Glad as I am to see one of the "good guys" developing an actual character flaw, you're just like
Lucas. You don't appreciate hard work.
Philip Tork: I'm not like Lucas! I didn't get fired for looking too old. And I very clearly remember him saying
that he's been poor and "being poor sucks," so he must have SOME appreciation for it.
(Philip Tork moves away slightly, then
begins to sing to the tune of the Monkees' "Goin' Down.")
Sock it to me...
Workin' in a diner
Where the customers malign 'er
And I wish she weren't my mother
Cause what will all the kids say
When they're here after the school day
They won't think that this is okay
When they tell Jason and Jan the gossip hound
And the word gets 'round.
I'm Salem High's hero
But now I'll be a zero.
And now I feel the fear, oh
They'll tease me like Gigantor.
They'll shove me down on the floor.
I'll be a part of their folklore.
And all I want is to stay popular.
I won't be thanks to her.
I wish I had another Mom
Because this one's not da bomb
I want one with more aplomb
She's got to get the picture straight
I'll never get another date
'Cause I'm the son of Waitress Kate.
I wish that I could make my mother rich.
Hate the status switch.
I'm goin' down.
And now I'll just call up my Dad
And tell him that this plan is bad
He's making his youngest son mad.
And now it's really got me rolled
And I can't believe I told
I saw Mom in Vincent's hold.
I can't believe he wants her poor
Like she's some [only Bwady can say
the appropriate word about his mother].
I wish I thought before I talked
I didn't know I'd end up mocked.
I'm so scared of the in-crowd set.
Haven't touched the bottom yet.
This waitress thing is gettin' old
She's hungry, sleepy, wet and cold.
I told her to forget it nice
But she would not take my advice.
I just wish she would quit this job.
I'd gladly let her screw the mob.
What a way to spend her life
Guess she learned it as Curtis' wife.
My Daddy taught me how to brag
But this humble thing is a real drag.
He gave me work to teach me how
But that worked neither then nor now.
And now Mom makes me want to scream
I know this has to be a dream.
If I could wake up, I'd be sure
To never tell on Mom anymore.
She had Vince, but Dad has Nick. My parents truly make me sick.
End of Show