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Monday, April 30, 2001
Welcome to ClayZebra's "of course I think colleges
should look at SAT scores, but why do you insist on asking seniors stuff like this when the freshmen could give
you better answers?" synopsis.
Bwady sneers evilly as the hearing
wraps up.
Bwady: Good thing Marlena's not here. She might tell
the truth or something.
(Marlena arrives.)
Lawyer: Will you testify?
Marlena: Yes.
Roman: No.
Lawyer: Good. Come on, Marlena.
Roman: Wait a second! This is Salem! A woman can't testify if a man tells her not to! Where did your law degree
come from?
Marlena: I have to protect Roman. He's the father of my twins. And Bwady's behavior made me worry about Belle.
Roman: Oh my God! You just remembered all of your biological children in the space of two minutes! Has this ever
happened before?
MEANWHILE, at the Hospital of No One
Cares, the baby plot moves forward. Maybe. Sort of.
Barb: Glen, do you have to tell your story to every
Lexie, Hope, and Brandon you meet?
Glen: Yes. They won't know to switch the DNA samples if I don't. (sees
Isaac) That's my son!
Hope: Are you sure? He looks like an entirely different baby from the last time I saw him.
Glen: Well, it's Salem. You have to expect that kind of thing. At least he isn't being played by a nineteen-year-old.
Nurse: (arriving) JT, want to come with me?
JT: Yeah.
Nurse: Okay, I realize that that sound was inadvertent on your part, but it was really cute. You're already doing
better with your cues than Will.
Brandon: (arriving) Here, give me JT so I can switch the samples and thereby inadvertently swap
a sample from Hope's son for one from Glen's son. Ah, the irony.
MEANWHILE, on Saved by the Belle:
Belle: Mimi, why would anyone want to avoid you?
ClayZebra: (interrupting) She's the epitome of what's wrong with Days. She can't act worth
a damn, so she just mugs for the camera and it's really annoying. Her character is totally pointless. She's not
connected to any members of the adult generation and she doesn't even serve a function in the teen plot. There
hasn't been any character development, so she's inconsistent and unsympathetic--
Philip Tork: (interrupting) Hi, everyone.
Belle: Are you okay? Your house burned down!
Mimi: It's not like you're homeless.
Philip Tork: I see that being homeless yourself has taught you a lot of compassion. I can see that you realize
that it isn't fun for rich kids to be caught inside their houses while they burn and lose all of their possessions,
either. You're a great person, Mimi. (sees
Chloe and goes over to her)
Susan: Don't tell anyone you saw me with Chloe! I'm no more well-rounded than the other teen characters, you see.
I'm just the Mandatory Fat One. Just because everyone but Chloe and Belle is awful to me doesn't mean I have nothing
to lose.
Chloe: That's okay. It's not your fault you aren't a blonde-haired blue-eyed thin rich Peter Tork lookalike.
Philip Tork: I've missed you so much. I don't ever want to be apart from you, especially since you're on the show
for a substantial amount of time every single day and I want that kind of exposure. (Randomly bursts into song, to the tune of "Take a Giant Step.")
Though
Days is now about teens
And we're in most all the scenes
Our characters aren't great.
Remember when you came to Salem
When you met Jan's crowd, were above them,
You have now learned like them to hate.
There's just no percentage in remembering the past
Though you may come full circle at last.
Come with me, leave yesterday behind
Bad continuity can blow your mind.
You stare at me in disbelief
You say I only give you grief
But I swear I'll prove you wrong.
Belle was once a Sami clone
And Shawn-D had a rebel tone.
My list of bets was long.
Bwady Bwack was younger than Shawn-D
And loved Marlena same as his Mommy.
Come with me, leave yesterday behind
Bad continuity can blow your mind.
End of Show
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