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Monday, April 30, 2001

Welcome to ClayZebra's "of course I think colleges should look at SAT scores, but why do you insist on asking seniors stuff like this when the freshmen could give you better answers?" synopsis.

Bwady sneers evilly as the hearing wraps up.
Bwady: Good thing Marlena's not here. She might tell the truth or something.
(Marlena arrives.)
Lawyer: Will you testify?
Marlena: Yes.
Roman: No.
Lawyer: Good. Come on, Marlena.
Roman: Wait a second! This is Salem! A woman can't testify if a man tells her not to! Where did your law degree come from?
Marlena: I have to protect Roman. He's the father of my twins. And Bwady's behavior made me worry about Belle.
Roman: Oh my God! You just remembered all of your biological children in the space of two minutes! Has this ever happened before?

MEANWHILE, at the Hospital of No One Cares, the baby plot moves forward. Maybe. Sort of.
Barb: Glen, do you have to tell your story to every Lexie, Hope, and Brandon you meet?
Glen: Yes. They won't know to switch the DNA samples if I don't.
(sees Isaac) That's my son!
Hope: Are you sure? He looks like an entirely different baby from the last time I saw him.
Glen: Well, it's Salem. You have to expect that kind of thing. At least he isn't being played by a nineteen-year-old.
Nurse:
(arriving) JT, want to come with me?
JT: Yeah.
Nurse: Okay, I realize that that sound was inadvertent on your part, but it was really cute. You're already doing better with your cues than Will.
Brandon:
(arriving) Here, give me JT so I can switch the samples and thereby inadvertently swap a sample from Hope's son for one from Glen's son. Ah, the irony.

MEANWHILE, on Saved by the Belle:
Belle: Mimi, why would anyone want to avoid you?
ClayZebra:
(interrupting) She's the epitome of what's wrong with Days. She can't act worth a damn, so she just mugs for the camera and it's really annoying. Her character is totally pointless. She's not connected to any members of the adult generation and she doesn't even serve a function in the teen plot. There hasn't been any character development, so she's inconsistent and unsympathetic--
Philip Tork:
(interrupting) Hi, everyone.
Belle: Are you okay? Your house burned down!
Mimi: It's not like you're homeless.
Philip Tork: I see that being homeless yourself has taught you a lot of compassion. I can see that you realize that it isn't fun for rich kids to be caught inside their houses while they burn and lose all of their possessions, either. You're a great person, Mimi.
(sees Chloe and goes over to her)
Susan: Don't tell anyone you saw me with Chloe! I'm no more well-rounded than the other teen characters, you see. I'm just the Mandatory Fat One. Just because everyone but Chloe and Belle is awful to me doesn't mean I have nothing to lose.
Chloe: That's okay. It's not your fault you aren't a blonde-haired blue-eyed thin rich Peter Tork lookalike.
Philip Tork: I've missed you so much. I don't ever want to be apart from you, especially since you're on the show for a substantial amount of time every single day and I want that kind of exposure.
(Randomly bursts into song, to the tune of "Take a Giant Step.")

Though Days is now about teens
And we're in most all the scenes
Our characters aren't great.
Remember when you came to Salem
When you met Jan's crowd, were above them,
You have now learned like them to hate.
There's just no percentage in remembering the past
Though you may come full circle at last.

Come with me, leave yesterday behind
Bad continuity can blow your mind.

You stare at me in disbelief
You say I only give you grief
But I swear I'll prove you wrong.
Belle was once a Sami clone
And Shawn-D had a rebel tone.
My list of bets was long.
Bwady Bwack was younger than Shawn-D
And loved Marlena same as his Mommy.

Come with me, leave yesterday behind
Bad continuity can blow your mind.

End of Show

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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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