|Friday, April 13, 2001
Happy Friday the Thirteenth. Today's synopsis is incomplete owing to a rowhouse fire in North Philadelphia. Additionally, Days was
interspersed with episodes of what I believe was Dawson's Creek, or
perhaps 90210 or some Saturday-morning high school show.
On Shawn-not-D's Creek:
Kevin: Hi! I'm Kevin! I'm the Nerd. You can tell by my thick glasses,
my tie, and my greased hair.
Susan: Hi! I'm Susan! I'm the Fat One.
Jan: Hi! I'm Jan! I'm the Bitch!
Mimi: Hi! I'm Mimi! I'm the Bitch's Sidekick! You're supposed to feel
sorry for me because despite my trendy clothes and makeup I was
homeless last year, but I'm going to say Jan is a dead woman walking because she's going to kiss Kevin. Isn't that nice of me?
Teacher: Everyone! Stop making fun of the Fat One and the Outcast.
Belle: Whoa! A teacher trying to stop high school bashing? That's the most unrealistic thing I've ever seen on this show, including the
time Stefano tried to use a midget kingdom to guillotine my father.
Teacher: Belle, you're the Good Girl. Don't you want to help me stop this?
Belle: No, I want to moon over my cousin, the Good Boy. Everyone's
saying he wants the Outcast.
Shawn-not-D: The Outcast is dating my uncle. Besides, you're going to believe the Bitch, the Bitch's Sidekick, the Bitch's Boyfriend, the
Nerd, and the Fat One over me?
Belle: Well, yeah.
MEANWHILE, at the hospital:
Hope: You only care that I slept with your husband! You think I want
to remember if it was hot?
Marlena: Well, you did ask John if it was hot when you first realized
he was the father.
Hope: Think about JT, who is struggling to see his first birthday!
Marlena: I am! And I know he'll never see his first birthday because
even as he was conceived, my daughter Belle tripled in age! Think of all the birthdays she missed! I am not the villain here!
(The camera pans unsubtly to Lexie.)
Lexie: Oh. Guess that makes me the villain then. I am Stefano's
daughter, after all.
MEANWHILE, at the Penthouse:
Lawyer: It would be financially beneficial to settle out of court.
Bwady: I'm the last Toscano, one of three Alamains in my generation, and I'm also a Kiriakis! You think I need money?
Lawyer: Well, you are sponging off your parents.
Marlena: (entering) Speaking of that--
Bwady: Go away! I hate you for throwing out my Playboy when I was twelve.
Marlena: That's a lie! You went from seven to nineteen! You were
never twelve, and even if you were, wouldn't that have been after I
shipped you off to boarding school?
Bwady: Details, details . . .
End of Show
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