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Friday, April 13, 2001

Happy Friday the Thirteenth. Today's synopsis is incomplete owing to a rowhouse fire in North Philadelphia. Additionally, Days was
interspersed with episodes of what I believe was Dawson's Creek, or
perhaps 90210 or some Saturday-morning high school show.

On Shawn-not-D's Creek:
Kevin: Hi! I'm Kevin! I'm the Nerd. You can tell by my thick glasses,
my tie, and my greased hair.
Susan: Hi! I'm Susan! I'm the Fat One.
Jan: Hi! I'm Jan! I'm the Bitch!
Mimi: Hi! I'm Mimi! I'm the Bitch's Sidekick! You're supposed to feel
sorry for me because despite my trendy clothes and makeup I was
homeless last year, but I'm going to say Jan is a dead woman walking because she's going to kiss Kevin. Isn't that nice of me?
Teacher: Everyone! Stop making fun of the Fat One and the Outcast.
Belle: Whoa! A teacher trying to stop high school bashing? That's the most unrealistic thing I've ever seen on this show, including the
time Stefano tried to use a midget kingdom to guillotine my father.
Teacher: Belle, you're the Good Girl. Don't you want to help me stop this?
Belle: No, I want to moon over my cousin, the Good Boy. Everyone's
saying he wants the Outcast.
Shawn-not-D: The Outcast is dating my uncle. Besides, you're going to believe the Bitch, the Bitch's Sidekick, the Bitch's Boyfriend, the
Nerd, and the Fat One over me?
Belle: Well, yeah.

MEANWHILE, at the hospital:
Hope: You only care that I slept with your husband! You think I want
to remember if it was hot?
Marlena: Well, you did ask John if it was hot when you first realized
he was the father.
Hope: Think about JT, who is struggling to see his first birthday!
Marlena: I am! And I know he'll never see his first birthday because
even as he was conceived, my daughter Belle tripled in age! Think of all the birthdays she missed! I am not the villain here!
(The camera pans unsubtly to Lexie.)
Lexie: Oh. Guess that makes me the villain then. I am Stefano's
daughter, after all.

MEANWHILE, at the Penthouse:
Lawyer: It would be financially beneficial to settle out of court.
Bwady: I'm the last Toscano, one of three Alamains in my generation, and I'm also a Kiriakis! You think I need money?
Lawyer: Well, you are sponging off your parents.
(entering) Speaking of that--
Bwady: Go away! I hate you for throwing out my Playboy when I was twelve.
Marlena: That's a lie! You went from seven to nineteen! You were
never twelve, and even if you were, wouldn't that have been after I
shipped you off to boarding school?
Bwady: Details, details . . .

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.

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