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Tuesday, March 6, 2001

A synopsis just 'cause I felt like making more gratuitous Philip-Peter Tork comparaisons . . .

Stefano and Lexie are in a restaurant.
Man: Oh, God, breaking news. I hate it when they do this during the soaps and I miss the best Sami-Lucas scenes.
Lexie: They're talking about Marlo!
Stefano: Isn't it funny how every time we see breaking news it relates directly to us?

MEANWHILE, some people I don't know discuss Marlo.

MEANWHILE, Craig and Nancy realize they still live in Salem.

Nancy: Chloe wanted to know who her father is. What makes her think that's any of her business?

MEANWHILE, Nicole and Victor eat popcorn as they spy on Kate and company.
Nicole: Don't feel guilty about convincing Bozo and Shawn-not-Douglas and Bwady that you're dead. They're only your children and grandchildren. What's important about that?

MEANWHILE, with Kate and the other hearing-ites:
Kate: I regret that the executioner didn't finish the job.
Sami: Technically, he did. Mom and Mike just did CPR and brought me back to life.
Austin: Uh . . . and . . . um . . . that was uh . . . wrong. Um. Duh. Uh . . . you . . . aren't . . . uh . . . my um . . . Mommy anymore.
Kate: I tried to run your life, too, just like I'm running Lucas'! Are you jealous?
Austin: I'm uh not um . . . even . . . gonna . . . uh . . . answer that.
Kate: Did I use too many big words again?

MEANWHILE, Chloe and Philip are under a horse blanket that miraculously exposes his chest and her legs.
Chloe: I feel so close to you.
Philip: That may be because we're naked in each other's arms.
Chloe: But I can't go through with it. You just look too much like Peter Tork.
(to the tune of "Last Train to Clarksville")

Take the last train to Salem,
And I'll meet you in the stable.
It's a great place to get naked,
Although it's no conference table.
Don't be slow, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

'Cause I'm Philip Kiriakis
And I want you really bad.
We should have one time together
Before you find out about Dad.
He faked his death, oh, yes, yes, yes!
Oh, yes, yes, yes!
And now my life really, really is a mess.

Take the last train to Salem,
I'll be waiting at the stable.
We'll crawl under the horse blankets
Although we're more used to sable.
Oh... Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Take the last train to Salem,
I must not go all the way.
This way I'll be nice and innocent
When you go and cry rape.
I'm feeling low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don't know why I ever brought you home.

Take the last train to Salem,
Take the last train to Salem . . .

End of show

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