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Tuesday, February 13, 2001

Carnage! Carnage! Carnage!

At a cafe, Jack and Jenn and Bo and Hope miss getting covered with blood.
Jack: The fact that you finally ripped off my stupid disguise shows that you still care about me and can see that I've changed.
Jenn: I admit you've changed. You aren't blond anymore.
Jack: So, tell me what happened in Ireland?
Jenn: I don't think the writers have decided.
(Abby calls.)
Jack: Hi! Abby! Funny, you sound younger than you were the last time I saw you.
Abby: Well, maybe if you hadn't been such an absentee father, they wouldn't have de-aged me.
Jack: I'm sorry--
Abby: No, don't be. I wouldn't want to hang around with Bwady, anyway.

MEANWHILE, bullets, bullets, everywhere (but none of them hit Belle); bullets, bullets everywhere (hope Mimi's safe in hell).
Hitman: Look, an extra! It's always okay to shoot the extras full of holes.
Other Hitman: Cool. Good thing I brought my machine gun to this nice, simple hit that the boss told us to keep quiet.
Moroni: Stop shooting!
Extra: Let's try to tackle the only person who has some control over thse crazed gunmen.
Moroni: Damn extra--
Kate: Vince! Victor! Is there anyone else I've been screwing here? Vince! Victor!
Moroni: I'm gonna kill Sal! He shot at everyone!
Kate: Don't be too hard on him. "Everyone" includes Mimi!
Moroni: Where's Angela?
Kate: Why the hell are you worrying about your child when you could be worrying about the tape? Do you see me screaming for Austin or Philip? If you don't focus on the tape, I'll, I'll, tell the cops on you!
Moroni: Because the cops have no idea who the mob bosses are.
Kate: Oh, no, it's Sami! What is she doing here?
Moroni: You put a hit on her because you thought she *wasn't* here, then? Oh, what have I done?
Kate: You hired people to kill other people. I would have thought that would be perfectly obvious.
Moroni: Oh my God! They killed Angela! The bastards! My mob dealings got my precious daughter killed! I knew I should have paid more attention to that last Godfather movie.
Kate: You can hardly blame yourself. It was really bad. Especially the silent scream part.
Moroni: Okay, no silent scream. How 'bout I just off myself?
(does)
Extra: He's dead.
Kate: It's obvious that you're an extra and not a Salemite.
(nearby)
Angela: You don't have to say anything.
Brandon: Good. I certainly can't be bothered to lie and tell you I love you as you die in my arms after saving my life.
Angela: The anger in your heart will destroy you.
(dies)
Brandon: Not soon enough.
(nearby)
Sami: Mom! You're okay!
Marlena: Who are you?
Sami: Kate could see through my disguise from across the room but my mother doesn't know me while I'm hugging her? Pathetic.
(nearby)
Lili: Belle saved the children's lives.
Belle: Of course I did. I'm perfect.
(her halo glows)
Marlena:
(arriving) But you should leave now.
Belle: You think I'd leave without knowing what happened to my friends?
Marlena: Right. Go on, Baby Girl! Root through that carnage!
(nearby)
Greta: Someone wants me dead. I can tell because I have two bullets in my chest.
Austin: Don't talk. Don't move.
Greta: So, reproduce your acting ability? Done.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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