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Monday, February 12, 2001

It's an historic occasion: I don't have to pretend everyone was shot today, because everyone actually WAS shot! Violence is fun . . .

All of Salem is still at the coronation.
Hitman: Let's discuss the people we're going to shoot and how we're going to do it in loud voices in the middle of a party.
Other Hitman: Okay.
Moroni: If you don't kill your son's father, your older son will rot in prison.
(shrugs) Lucas doesn't have a contract anymore, anyway.
Moroni: WHAT?! He was one of my favorites.
(bursts into tears)
Nicole: I'm your sister-in-law.
(studying her dress) No wonder Brandon didn't introduce us.
Marlena: We don't have to go home.
John: Um, we do have a daughter in high school and a son who's paralyzed.
(Marlena walks off in disgust. Stefano arrives.)
Stefano: John, dance with me. You would have danced with me, years ago . . .
John: Leave my family and Bo's family alone.
Stefano: That's redundant. You and Bo share a family since you used to be Roman and you married his half-sister Isabella.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Belle, I don't know why you don't think I'm good with kids. You're six years younger than me, and we get along okay.
Chloe: Why do you keep looking at your father?
Philip: Because I'm one of so few Salemites who knows who my father is.
Bo: There's something I like betwer than dancing with you.
Hope: Sex?
Bo: Uh-huh. Let's leave before Greta is actually crowned after traveling to Paris to support her.
Jack: What's your name?
Sami: I'm Sami Brady, you idiot. The girl you watched grow up. You saw me a couple of years ago and I looked pretty much the same as I do now.
Jack: Huh?
(Sami leaves. Austin and Jenn arrive.)
Jack: Go to Hell, Austin!
All: GO JACK!!
(Jack throws a drink in Kate's face)
All: Again, GO JACK!
Jennifer: What am I doing here with you?
Jack: Hopefully, you were planning to rip off my stupid fake moustache.
(Conversation stops as Greta is crowned and assorted hitmen and psychopaths open fire.)
Hitman: Apparently, everyone's gun has an unlimited number of shots! We can flatten the whole room! Cool!
John: Ah, but I have a bottle to throw at you!
Hitman: Scisors beat paper. Paper beats rock. Rock beats scisors. Gun beats bottle!
(John is shot.)
Sami: Screw the fact that my mother, my stepfather, my sister, and several of my friends are being shot at! Where's the tape??
Angela: It is time to me to fulfil my duty as someone with a stupid Italian accent and die like Franco and Roberto before me.
Brandon: Oh damn. Angela just took a bullet for me. I'm never gonna get Sami in the sack now.
Cool! Someone shot Mimi! Die, Mimi, die!

End of Show
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