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Thursday, January 04, 2001

Welcome to Thursday's boy-band-free Synopsis. Line of the day must go to our pal Hopeless: "Our wedding was perfect until that corpse showed up."

Bo and Hope celebrate their wedding night.
Hope: What do you think?
Bo: I think you're wearing far too many pieces of clothing.

MEANWHILE, Brandon and Sami's talk is interrupted by a call from Nicole.
Brandon: (on phone) Divorcing Lucas is the right thing to do, Nicky. The thing that will most likely get me laid. (hangs up) Samantha-
Sami: It's "Sami."
Brandon: Samantha, you should get married.
Sami: I haven't seen Austin for months.
Brandon: You've finally noticed?
Sami: I figured he'd just gotten lost in a closet again.
Brandon: Will you marry me?
Sami: Hell no, you poor excuse for an imitation of what Lucas used to be!!
(leaves)

MEANWHILE, Italian Guy has had a heart attack.
Angela: Brandon, my fiancé, says this is a great hospital.
Craig: Brandon Walker? But he's always hitting on Lexie, and Sami, and Jennifer . . .
Angela:
(thinking in an accent) Huh? (aloud) Is my father all right?
Craig: He needs to make some lifestyle changes. You know, only have people killed a couple of times a week, that kind of thing.

MEANWHILE, at Titan:
Victor: I want water flown to those earthquake victims. But only the ones who work for Titan.
Nicole: Victor, you're working too hard. Live dangerously. Like this shirt I'm almost wearing?
Victor: Hmm, I guess doing the deed with you again WOULD be dangerous considering that you sleep with everything that moves.
(nearby)
Kate: I'm doing this for you and Will. I love my grandson so much that I used him to try to kill his mother.
Lucas: Okay. I admit that I'm an alcoholic but now I'll start drinking for no apparent reason and say it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
Kate: It's no less reasonable than us being at work while it's still Christmas Morning in the other scene.

MEANWHILE, in the Garden of Bad Special Effects, a hole has been burned through Austin's chest.
Greta: Here, I'll throw you the magic antidote.
(It goes through the hole.) Damn! (to Curtis) You can't do this! He never lost hope!
Gina: Well, it would be hard to lose Hope, what with those two big-
Greta: Mother!
Curtis: You have one more test before you may leave the Garden. You have to play a game of
(grabs microphone) "Whose Kid is it, Anyway?" (everyone cheers)
Greta: Okay, okay, if it's for the orphans.
(She, Gina, John, and Stefano begin to dance.)

Greta: Like most children of Salem
I do not know my Dad
My friend Lili could not count
The men my mother had.
I really ought to find out
And then I'll have it made.
'Cause 'til I know who's family
I really can't get-

Gina: (speaking) Mon petite chou, that is NOT an appropriate song for the Official Salem Virgin. (singing) I am Princess Gina
And I refuse to die.
Before you even ask me
I will tell you why.
My daughter has a father
Although I can't say who.
Now don't be angry, Greta,
I'm just protecting you.

John: They say that I knew Gina
A long, long time ago.
Perhaps she was a princess,
Perhaps a skanky
(coughs)
I have many sons and daughters
Seven at last count.
I do not need another.
Doc's patience's running out.

Stefano: Gina was my worker
And I paid her very well.
She stole me many paintings
And I thought this was swell.
She came into my bedroom
And she looked really fine,
So if she isn't John's kid,
Then Greta must be mine.

Curtis: You have passed the final test. But before I go away- (pulls out a gun and shoots a suddenly appeared Belle.)
Greta/Austin:
Oh my God. He killed Belle. The bastard.

MEANWHILE, Abe and Lexie are home.
Abe: That body we found reminds me of Marlo.
Lexie: Imagine that.
Abe: We suspect foul play.
Lexie: What do chickens have to do with this?
(Abe shrugs.)
Abe:
(turning to the couch) Hey, Isaac, why are you still awake?
Isaac: I'm feeling really jealous. ClayZebra has played "Whose Kid is it, Anyway?" with Greta, and Chloe, and JT, but not with me.
Abe: Well, we can't have that!
(Calls Celeste and Hope in.) Time for a hoe-down! Hope: But I already did one this show!
Abe: That's what you get for playing a dual role.
(singing and dancing)

I love my little Isaac
I'm glad that he's my son.
Lex fought me about Marlo,
And now I'm glad she won.
Marlo drank while pregnant,
I thought Isaac might be ill,
But he already talks more
Than Sami's son Will.

Lexie: My Dad got me a baby
And killed the baby's mom.
I was once a beat cop
But my morals are all gone.
When Abe asked me for the truth, well,
I told him where to go.
Is it any wonder
That MY Dad is Stefano?

Celeste: I'm glad that I'm a Grandma
It keeps me on the show.
Isaac needs a sitter
And that is me, you know.
I have psychic powers
And Steffy I despise.
But you don't have to be me to see
That Isaac has Hope's eyes.

Hope: When I gave birth to JT,
He looked a lot like that
(points at Isaac)
But now he's weak and sickly,
While Isaac's strong and fat.
They were born on the same day,
I know that, silly me-
But isn't it odd that
Isaac looks like Shawn-D?

End of Show

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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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