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Tuesday, December 26, 2000

Welcome to your appropriately-flashback-filled Christmas synopsis.

Abe and Lexie are driving to Bo and Hope's wedding.
Lexie: Your son promised me a dance.
Abe:
(annoyed) But you know how I feel about you dancing with Brandon.
Lexie: I meant Isaac.
Abe: He's a teenager already?
Lexie: Reasonable question, but no.

MEANWHILE, the Hortons are hanging ornaments on their tree.
Maggie: We could hang them tomorrow.
Alice: No! The Christmas episode is already a day late thanks to that other soap opera in Washington. There's some of Tom's eggnog in the fridge. Go get it.
Hope: Wouldn't Grandpa's eggnog have gone bad after all these years?
Alice: No. Your grandfather has been interacting with me all episode thanks to the wonders of technology.
Hope: That's nice. Last year when I was locked up, I could only pretend everyone was with me. Then I found this old tree-
Shawn-not-Douglas: Did you put it up?
Hope: Am I your mother?
(Shawn-not-Douglas gets a puzzled, thoughtful look on his face.) Oh, shut up.
Jennifer: May I do the toast? Hope always burns it.
Julie: Good idea.
Jennifer: I'd just like to say that I'm happy to be back with my family, except for my mysteriously missing brother Lucas. I also wonder where my Mom is. I remember the last time I didn't know where she was.

[Flashback to December 1996. Laura is being held captive by Stefano.
Stefano: I want it. I must have it. And Stefano DiMera gets everrrrrything he wants.
Laura: What now? Marlena? Rachel?
Stefano: No. Tickle Me Elmo.
Laura: Oh. You would have had a better chance of getting Marlena or Rachel, Idiot.
Stefano: That's what you think, Idiot. I have people.
(He pulls an Elmo doll out of his coat.) Maybe I wouldn't have killed all of those people if I had had an Elmo doll.]

Jennifer: And the next year, no one could find Jack and me. We were in the Grand Canyon, on the run, and we looked like entirely different people than we look like now.

[Flashback to December 1997.
Jennifer: Jack, what's the rest of your plan?
Jack: I'm making it up as I go.
Jennifer: That's a bad idea. You might end up with continuity errors, just like my parents Stefano and Maggie always say.]

Jennifer: So I'm glad to be back, and I'm extremely glad I'm being played by Missy Reeves again. Time to hang the ornaments
Abby: Can I hang Daddy's?
Jennifer: Sure. That will make up for the time they almost had to reshoot the whole ceremony because you started whining at the actor who played Jack that you didn't *wanna* hang it there.
Alice: I remember years when we didn't hang so many ornaments on the tree.

[Flashback to December 1999.
Alice: Okay. Hope, hang up your mother's ornament.
Lucas: How about my father's?
Alice: We'll be forgetting about Bill for this year. As well as Laura, if anyone's wondering.
Julie: My brother? My son? My grandson?
Alice: Sorry, no time for Steve, David, or Scotty, either. And no Tommy. No Marie. And neither of their daughters.
Doug: But everybody else? Okay, good enough.]

Bo: And now we'll hang the newest ornament. John Thomas, the lucky guy, is related to two great families.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Just like me. So he'll probably have to end up dating his cousin, too.
Hope: Oh no! Jenn, Julie, and I have to get ready for the wedding! Gran, if J.T. fusses while I'm gone- Alice: I know how to take care of infants, Hope. If I didn't, you'd be dead.
Hope: I HAVE been dead.
Bo: It's going to take the women forever to get ready. Come on, Shawn-not-Douglas, let's shoot hoops and talk about how you're dating your cousin.
Shawn-not-Douglas: I remember Christmases less happy than this one.

[Flashback to December 1998.
Shawn-D: I wanna be a family again. Do you think you and Mom will marry by New Year's?
Bo: Yes.
Shawn-D: Hooray!
Bo: (snickering) I didn't tell him WHICH New Year's.]

MEANWHILE, Hope, Julie, and Jennifer leave Buddy's Burger Barn in wedding costume.
Jennifer: I've never seen so many people stare.
Julie: Not even when you and Jack got married in an arena during a wild west show?
Hope: Or how about when everyone thought he'd murdered Peter and the two of you went out on the town?
Julie: Or-
Jennifer: Shut up and eat your hamburgers.

MEANWHILE, at the church:
Priest: This wedding can't run late or it will interfere with Midnight Mass.
Roman: So? Who comes to Midnight Mass but the Brady family, anyway?
Doug: We should canvass the neighborhood and find Julie, Hope, and Jennifer.
Roman: Be sure to try the island. That's where we found Bo the last time a Bo-Hope wedding didn't go off.
(The women arrive with Lexie and Abe in tow.)
Alice: This bracelet and these earrings are for you, Hope.
Jennifer: Lemme see.
(She runs off with them.)
Hope: Jennifer!
Jennifer: Well, if you and Bo keep this up, Grandma won't have anything cool to give me the next time I marry Jack!
Alice: Tom, my family needs a Christmas Miracle.
Tom: The whole show was about the Hortons. It was well-written and well-acted. The only teen in sight was Shawn-not-Douglas, who is a teen in the true timeline anyway. Wasn't that enough of a miracle?
Alice: Thank you, Tom.

End of Show

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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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