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Friday, December 22, 2000

Belle and poor widdle pawawized Bwady are at the Penthouse, along with John.
Belle: Mom loves her children so much. That's why she isn't planning on spending Christmas with me.
John: I'm going to do all I can to make your mother come home, even tell her that she's a horrible person for being wary of my son who threatens her every time I'm not in the room with them.
(Belle takes Bwady to Salem Place, where they meet the other six teens of Salem who have been discussing things too boring to synopsize.)
Philip: Hey, the thing to make Bwady feel better about being paralyzed is to try to play football with him, right?
Bwady: Way to go, Phil. You just gave me a bunch of fake flashbacks. Belle, get me out of here.
Belle: Okay. We'll go to the Christmas party at the hospital.
Bwady: That's for kids.
Belle: We were born in 1992 and 1993. I think we make the age cut.
(Just then, a flying Christmas tree impales all eight teens. They die.)

MEANWHILE, at the Kiriakis Mansion.
Will: (staring blankly off camera) WhataredivorcepapersDaddy?
Lucas: Go eat some cookies.
Will: WhendoIeverdoanythingelse?
Lucas: Nicole, I will get you for serving me in front of my son.
Nicole: I'm shaking.
Lucas: You should be. I had a brain once, and it might be starting to grow back.
(arriving) I'm still gonna get my son from you.
Lucas: Why don't we just share him?
Sami: Why didn't I think of that!? Let's be a happy family, just the three of us, and ditch the other twentysomethings.
(Sami and Lucas live happily ever after. Hey, it's Christmas.)

MEANWHILE, at the hospital.
Brandon: Let's see, I'm engaged to Angela, mooning over Sami, toying with the idea of seducing Lexie- so I should go flirt with Jennifer!
(aside) Stay away from him, Jennifer Rose. He's great with children but he has problems with adults.
(aside) Too bad you aren't also Sami and Angela and Lexie's grandmother.
Abby: I want some more doughnuts. Maybe Philip and Belle wouldn't have passed me in age if I had had more of these when I was younger.
Brandon: Nice kid. Where's her Daddy?
Jennifer: None of your business, jerkhead. But if you must know, he didn't sign a contract until after I signed mine so he won't be showing up until February.

MEANWHILE, at Bo and Hope's house, JT gains fifteen years in a few minutes, as Salem children are prone to do. He puts on a suit and grabs a microphone.
JT: And now it's time for another episode of "Whose Kid is it, Anyway?" Bo and Hope, you may only speak in questions from now on.
Bo: Are you saying we can't get married?
Hope: Didn't you just see me on our wedding day?
Bo: Are you forgetting we're already married?
Hope: You mean that day in the hospital?
Bo: Weren't you there?
Hope: Are you kidding?
Bo: Don't you think it's a good idea to check, with all these evil twins running around?
Hope: Do you want me to prove it's really me?
(They kiss.)
JT: And to end our show, let's have hoe-down.
(Bo and Hope begin to dance along with a newly arrived Lexie and John.)

Hope: So, I got pregnant on a sub
Was pregnant for a year.
Learning my kid was Steffy's
Was once my greatest fear.
But now I know that like
Most Salem kids, his father's John.
I wish he would forget it, though. I want that Merc-Man gone.

End of Show

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