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Wednesday, November 22, 2000
Welcome to ClayZebra's November Synopsis. Since I last
saw Days.
The Kids:
Abby is still eight although she was born the same year as nineteen-year-old Angry Brady; Will is still five although
he was born the same year as sixteen(?)-year-old Philip; and Little John alias Johnny alias JT and Isaac alias
SubSpawn still live with the wrong families.
The Teens:
Belle's friends sang happily because she was in a coma, but she has woken up with amnesia. The viewers were shocked,
*shocked*. Philip and Chloe decided that their relationship felt too much like a romantic storyline, so Chloe started
making eyes at Angry Brady, and also apparently drove him around on the handlebars of her bike. Chloe has many
talents.
The Twentysomethings: Sami and Brandon have returned from Italy. Sami was nonplussed to learn
that not one, not two, but three of her siblings were hit by trains while she was away. Brandon decided to make
the ultimate sacrifice for Sami by having sex with a supermodel. Poor boy. Nicole told Duh-Boy: The Sequel why
she married him. Austin and Greta are still facing down dead people in the Garden of Bad Special Effects. Franco
showed up to explain who killed him, but they didn't get it.
The Adults: John is still sliding in and out of Merc-the-Jerk mode, but Marlena hasn't noticed
because she's too angry at him for getting himself raped. Bo, likewise angry at Hope for getting herself raped,
has left Ireland with Jenn by boat as there is no easier way to travel between continents. The Salem PD is shooting
at Angry Brady and many viewers have offered to help.
Now today:
Jenn and Bo and Abby are on the boat.
Jenn: Annie's dead. Throw her overboard.
Bo: You do it.
Jenn: You.
Bo: You.
Abby: I'll do it, Uncle Bo.
Bo: Okay, I'm not your uncle, so that must be an honorary term. But isn't it funny how Belle Black doesn't call
me "uncle" even though I'm the blood uncle of all four of her siblings, and even though I thought her
father was my brother, and even though her father married my sister after whom she was named, and even though I
told her father I would always be his brother?
Abby: That's because the writers don't want it to look incestuous when she starts getting it on with Shawn-not-Douglas.
Jenn: Forget about that. Duh Klan is trying to kill us.
Bo: Which Klan?
Abby: Mom, Uncle Bo, "Declan" is NOT pronounced "Duh Klan."
Jenn: Shut up. Go take a nap over the leak in the boat or something.
MEANWHILE, Angry Brady is hitchhiking.
Woman: What's the mystery about? Should it worry me that the person I've picked up won't tell me who he is?
Angry Brady: No. That would make too much sense. Just drop me off by those pretty flowers blooming next to the
interstate in November. (by the side of the road) Look, a rattlesnake! But I'm not scared because it looks like
it was cut and pasted into the scene from a nature documentary or something.
(Snake eats Angry Brady.)
Snake: Oh
my God! I killed Angry Brady! I'm a bastard!
MEANWHILE, the cops want to find Angry Brady.
Roman: I've never seen Marlena this vulnerable, and I plan
to take advantage of it. She can take the pressure of being kidnapped and having her children kidnapped and watching
her love interests get killed and tortured, but she can't take this situation!
Abe: That makes me think of Brandon and Fay.
Roman: Do not attempt these transitions unless you are a professional. Look, Abe, you were bound to find out that
Brandon is Fay's son. You've known Fay for years, although no one knew you did.
MEANWHILE, the music in the background lets
us know that Marlena and Hope are having an important discussion.
Marlena: I should have been a better friend, and had sex with Bo, so things would be more equal. You know, nothing
Stefano did could tear John and me apart.
Hope: But Tom Langan is much more powerful than Stefano. Just tell John to stay away from JT. All he needs is parents
who adore him, and Bo and I do. Bo adores him so much that he skipped the country almost as soon as he was born.
MEANWHILE, John decides to wake up his daughter
who is in the hospital recovering from being hit by a train.
Belle: Daddy
John: You haven't called me that since you were five, eighteen months ago. Try to get well and don't worry about
a thing.
Belle: I never do. Dad
John: She knows me!
Belle: Of course I know my Dad.
Bo: Since I knew Hope's kid wasn't mine
I skipped right out of town.
While she stayed home with Little John
And chose a wedding gown.
I wasn't near my Fancy Face
At John's conception time?
Well, who knows what the heck I did
When I was Steffy's mime?
Lexie: I couldn't have a baby
But my Daddy has his ways.
And so he found us Marlo
Who gave us her kid to raise.
Marlo was the drunkard,
But it's John Brady who's sick.
I should have figured out the switch.
I guess I'm not too quick.
John: I never have a child
With a woman who's my wife.
And though I love Marlena
I want into J.T.'s life.
It's really Isaac who's Hope's son,
She hasn't got a clue.
It doesn't change my plan because
I slept with Marlo, too.
What can I say . . . I'm a pig.
End of Show.
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