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Tuesday, October 17, 2000

Welcome to ClayZebra's October Synopsis:
*Thank you to the people at Days for heeding my request to have a train hit a character I don't like.
*Since last month, I've apparently missed watching the entire Salem PD miss Hattie's resemblance to Marlena. I've also missed Austin and Greta falling into another dimension which is just as well because I wouldn't have been able to make fun of it anyway. In addition, I missed a whole bunch of scenes in which Marlena was abusive toward Brady and didn't treat him as her own. However these scenes apparently aired during shows I actually watched . . . guess I hallucinated all those times he called her Mommy and she promised to love him forever.

Today's show begins at the hospital, where Lexie decided to be helpful to her friends by crying while she was supposed to be operating on Johnny.
(after leaving the OR) Shawn-not-Douglas, you can be Isaac's honorary big brother.
(to the camera) That's called irony, folks.

MEANWHILE, Jerk and Jerkier (formerly Marlena and John) head for the hospital.
(on phone to Hope) Don't worry, the doctors there are the best.
Jerk: I'd hate to see what the WORST doctors are like, then.
Jerkier: Shut up! My son has a hole in his heart.
Jerk: So did the last baby that was named after you. You'd think Salemites would learn to call their kids something else.

MEANWHILE, Jerk and Jerkier's spawn play on the railroad tracks as they wanna be just like their big brother Eric.
Belle: We're gonna die! That train is going at least one mile and hour! It can't stop!
(Brady and Belle go splat! Bwahahahahaha!)
(un-splatting himself) Get up, Belle. Hey, do you suppose the fact that you aren't answering me is a sign that you're unconscious? And if by chance I did happen to notice that you're lying there at an odd angle, the thing to do would be to pick you up like a rag doll because that wouldn't endanger someone who might have hurt her back, right? You still aren't gonna answer me? Fine! Then I'm just gonna leave you there. (Walks off.)
Oh my God. I killed Belle.

MEANWHILE, Jennifer is in Ireland and I'm so happy to see her that I'll refrain from commenting on her stupid accent. Maybe.
Abby: Should I pray for Daddy?
Jenn: Of course. Daddy needs it. He's not even on the show and his character is being trashed. As if he'd ever leave me.
(snorts) Again, that is.(Abby falls asleep.)
Jenn: Thank you for being so patient and not catching SORAS. I can't believe that you're still eight-ish when you were born before Philip or Belle and the same year as Brady.
(She runs off to the pit where Bo is being held prisoner and having a flashback about Shawn-Stolen-Name warning him that if he goes to Ireland he will have to listen to more stupid fake Irish accents than just his father's.)
Jenn: I have food for you. And I feel the need to tell you that you should get back to Hope and Shawn-not-Douglas and Johnny.
Bo: Just get me out of this hellhole.
Jenn: No can do. It's a soap. Men rescue women, not the other way around.
Bo: I'm a bit distracted by being in this hellhole, but how do you know my family's names?
Jenn: You mentioned them. You talk to yourself a lot.
Bo: It's strange to hear a familiar voice in this hellhole . . . and your voice IS familiar.
Jenn: I can see how you got to be a cop.
(leaves; thinking) The man who threw Bo down there is a good person . . . just like Peter Blake.

End of Show
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