Tuesday, August 29, 2000

Featuring a special guest appearance just for Tracey . . .

Marlena and Nancy are broadcasting the Dr. Marlena Show.
Marlena: I respect my callers. There are no morons. A moron has to be below average intelligence, and that's pretty much impossible in Salem.
Caller: Hi, I'm Marcia. I have this problem. My sister Jan is very uncool and she's cramping my style.
Marlena: Pretend you don't know her. Next caller.
Caller: H'I haf a prab-lem. H'I'fe been dead for two years, baat no wan knows who killed me and the mystery hinges on tha batler being in a streep clab when he was really working at my wedding that day.
Marlena: Well, I don't know you, caller, but it sounds to me like you're on a really bad television show that changes writers like most people change socks.
Caller: Thank hue. Tha'elps. Ow is Ope?
Marlena: Be glad you weren't around for most of the Gina saga.
Caller: Ope? Gee-na? Nefer mine.
(hangs up)

MEANWHILE, working at the diner are Fay and Sam Evans, um, I mean, Hattie. ;-)
Man: You'd look just like Marlena if you were twenty years younger.
Hattie: How rude of my twin sister not to get me plastic surgery to match hers.

MEANWHILE, Abe and Lexie are home.
Lexie: Wait. Fay Mendez is the mother of Nicole and Brandon Walker and Taylor Raines?
Abe: Yep.
Lexie: I need a score card.

MEANWHILE, Bo and Hope are also home.
Hope: I know what's bothering you.
Bo: You do?
Hope: Of course not.
Bo: I think your kid isn't mine.
Hope: Wow! Great! Then he might avoid the Brady Stupid Gene!

MEANWHILE, in Italy, a newly arrived Lucas had raided Rolf's wardrobe.
Victor: Stop fooling around! This is DEADLY serious. Gee, did I punch that word enough? Should I say DEADLY a few more times? I hope I'm not being too subtle.
Lucas: Okay, okay, I'll stop worrying about Sami's welfare, but not Will's.
Victor: You think I'd let any harm come to Will?
Lucas: Seeing as you mention several times a minute that you wouldn't, I'd have to say yes.

MEANWHILE, Belle and Mimi are in the hospital cafeteria.
Mimi: Jason threw a can at Chloe. Isn't Chloe mean? Don't you think Chloe could be a witch because witches run in families, and her mother is a witch, she was even possessed, wait, that was your mother, never mind. Anyway, Chloe wants to get every guy after her, and then refuse to go to the dance with any of them because she wants to take her twentysomething sister's boyfriend, wait, that was you, too.
Belle: Shut up, Meems.
(Hits her over the head with a cafeteria tray. Mimi dies.)
Belle: Oh my God! I killed Mimi! That's even more fun than killing me!

End of show
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