Monday, August 21, 2000

Rapid-aging syndrome, extreme stupidity, and gratuitous Brandon-bashing, all in today's synopsis.

At the Habitat for Humanity press conference.
Marlena: I can't believe the kids are all grown up. We just walked them to kindergarten a few days ago.
John: Well, Belle started kindergarten about two years ago, actually, but Shawn-not-Douglas started eight or ten years ago. And poor Phillip never got to got to kindergarten because he caught SORAS before he was toilet trained.
Marlena: In any case, I hope that seeing this on television will inspire other teens to get involved with worthy causes.
(to camera) We here at Days of Our Lives are very concerned about homelessness. (to John) Maybe even Brady will help once he finds himself.
John: How did he get lost?
Brady:
(arriving) You left me 'upstairs' for a whole year!!! The more interesting question is, how did the child of you and Izzy-B end up a blue-eyed blond, especially when I had black hair as a little boy? I'll bet this all your fault, Doc!!
Marlena: You called me "Mommy" your whole life until now!
Brady: Details, details. You don't love me. If you did, you wouldn't make me use Sami's old scripts.

MEANWHILE, Nicole "Street" Walker wakes up Duh-Boy: The Sequel.
Nicole: You got drunk last night and almost broke my jaw. Can't you tell by the bruise on my eye?
Lucas: Just because I have no memory of doing that and have never been a violent drunk before is no reason not to believe you.
Nicole: Well, you can make it up to me by explaining how you killed Franco.
Lucas: That was a long time ago. Nobody cares, and besides, the story has been so rewritten that I'm not even sure I did kill Franco. And I never meant for Sami to end up on death row. There was no evidence.
Nicole: What about the gun in her hand?
Lucas: Who knew Roman was stupid enough not to check for power burns?

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Announcer: It's a heartwarming movie. Tigger searches for his family. Never mind that everyone knows the most wonderful, wonderful thing about Tiggers is he's the only one.

MEANWHILE, a mostly naked Brandon comforts Sami, and then loses his towel as he stands up, causing Sami to scream in horror.
Sami: Gee, that wrecks my fantasy life.
(They have breakfast.)
Sami: That was a nice note you left me. You don't meet that many guys who have cool old-fashioned handwriting and use fountain pens.
Brandon: Well, I aim to please. I want to stage a fight so the Italian Chick will come after me. So when we go into the restaurant, we pretend I wanted to have sex and you didn't.
Sami:
(under her breath) I wonder why.

MEANWHILE, Kate and Victor wake up together.
Kate: I'm glad you're here. I tried to imagine life without you and all I got was a choice of Nikki, Stefano, and Roman.
Victor: And soon Sami will be out of our lives. I'll give her a drug that will give her bad dreams. She'll think everyone is acting completely out of character. Nothing will make any sense.
Kate: It might be cheaper to get her hooked on a soap opera and then hire Tom Langan to ruin her favorite characters.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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