Wednesday, June 07, 2000

Today's show begins with Mimi taking food out of a garbage can.
Mimi: I don't know why this is happening to me.
Passerby: Because sometimes bad things happen to bad people.
(Stuffs her in the garbage can.)

MEANWHILE, Abe and Roman learn of the babies.
Abe: I know nothing about being a father.
Roman: You got no experience from dealing with Jonah and my kids.

MEANWHILE, Marlo goes into labor.
Stefano: We can't go in until Rolf comes out dressed as Dr. Reynolds instead of Nurse Rolfina.
Marlo: You couldn't get two separate thugs for two separate roles?
(Rolf arrives, along with Lexie.)
Lexie: Dr. Reynolds, don't I know you?
Rolf: You must be confusing me with Stefano's assistant Rolf, but you shouldn't, you see, because I have a moustache and he doesn't.
Stefano: Excuse me, I have to go torment John.
(finds John) I wonder how Bo would feel if he knew his wife was having your child.
(shrugging) Roman got over it.

MEANWHILE, at the hospital:
Sami: Hi, Belle. Shawn, do I have a new cousin yet?
Belle: Oh, Chloe, this is my sister Sami. Sami, this is Chloe.
Chloe: So you're Belle's sister and Shawn's cousin, but they're supposed to be the next great couple?
Sami: Gross, huh? Well, I better get to work.
(arriving) No, no one in Salem really has to work. Let's talk about prostitute and pimp names.
(eavesdropping) Sex games at work?
Brandon: Naturally. What do you think Jack and Jennifer did at their newspaper? Or Carrie and Austin at Titan? Practically anyone at Titan, actually?
Sami: No, we're thinking about names for my Aunt Hope's baby. My family has too many duplicate names. I'm named after my psychotic Aunt Sam, because my Mom apparently wanted me to grow up to be just like her. Eric is named after our child-molesting great uncle. And there are two Shawns, so my cousin has to call himself Shawn-not-Douglas to keep them straight.
(pulling Sami away) Are you ready to go over to the other side?
Sami: I don't know. I can't handle dealing with strippers and hookers and teenage runaways, despite the fact that I was living with them a few years ago. Hey, are you buying a pimpmobile?
Brandon: Your clothes cost enough. It was hard stealing them out of my sister's closet.
(CZ's note: No, that wasn't my line, but I forget whose it was.)

MEANWHILE, in the delivery room.
Bo: Alice, John, Marlena, Roman, Lexie, Belle, get out of here. I know one ordinarily throws a party in a delivery room, but we would like to get married in secret.
Alice: Are you saying you want us to get out?
(they leave)
Nurse: It doesn't matter. The priest has to go give last rites.
Father Francis:
(arriving) Don't worry! I'll do the ceremony. I'm a little out of practice since I've been hanging out in the coma ward since the Aremid plot, though.
Marlena: Belle, you cut your hair!
Belle: Yeah, those meanies on the internet kept making jokes about how I should strangle myself with it or be impaled on my chopsticks.
Marlena: You look so cute.
(arriving) You know, I'm sick of you people using cell phones around all this hospital equipment. So, to punish you-(shoves a cell phone down Belle's throat, choking her)
Oh my God! You killed Belle! You bastard!

End of Show
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