Monday, June 05, 2000

Our show begins at the home of the stripily bearded one, where Marlo goes into labor.
Lexie: You're in pain.
Marlo: Thanks, I hadn't noticed.
(Rolf gives her a shot to stop labor when Lexie isn't looking.)
Lexie: That was odd. I'll get to the bottom of this. (Stefano cringes.) ABE! What did you do to Marlo?!?!

MEANWHILE, Hope also goes into labor so Doug and Julie frantically pack her suitcase.
Doug: Don't forget the doughnut maker.
Julie: Or Shawn's keyboard.
Alice: Be sensible! Does she really need her curling iron?
Doug: Of course! What if Laura shows up and Hope needs to wipe her memory?
Julie: No, you're right, Grandma. I'm running around like an idiot and I don't know why.
(helpfully) It's because Vivian and Ivan are gone so the writers need some comic relief and since they hate supercouples, they thought they'd use one of the first ones for this.
(in command) Now that that's settled, Shawn, pull the truck around.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Are you sure I haven't been de-aged again? I might not be old enough to drive.
(at the hospital)
Hope: Bo, I won't feel right about not being married before the baby is born.
Bo: You couldn't have mentioned this a few weeks ago?
(she is pulled into an exam room) It will be okay. It doesn't matter who this baby belongs to.
Shawn-not-Douglas: This baby doesn't belong to you and Mom?
Bo: Well, actually, it's mine, but not your mother's . . .

MEANWHILE, Nikki and Kate are at the Townhouse.
Kate: Stop! For a minute, I couldn't breathe.
Nikki: Probably because my tongue was all the way down your throat.
Kate: Stop, stop, stop!
(As she rips off more of her clothes and runs her hands over Nikki's body.) Look, there's a difference between getting in bed and loving someone.
Nikki: But I love you, and don't care if you love me, so let's go.

MEANWHILE, at the cyber café, it's another episode of Days 90210.
Belle: Chloe, did you see Mimi after school today?
Chloe: Yes. Mimi torments me every chance she gets, so I specially went looking for her when school got out.
Belle: Something's wrong with her. She hasn't mentioned the dance once.
Chloe: Maybe I judged Mimi too quickly. Maybe you should try to be more like her.
Belle: I promise, the dance will be fun. You act like I'm so popular-
Chloe: And only because you refer to yourself as "perfect."
Belle: But I didn't have a date for the last dance because I asked Brandon
Walker and he turned me down cold.
Chloe: He has to be ten years older than you!
Belle: But a few months before he'd been twenty years older then me. I was afraid that if my parents took a second honeymoon I'd end up too old for him.
(arriving, aside) Belle isn't hung up on Shawn-not Douglas. They're like cousins or something. (The applause of the audience that SOMEONE in Salem remembers that they are "like cousins" causes Chloe to notice his arrival and take off after Mimi, for no apparent reason.)
Belle: Hi, Philip. I'm glad it's you and not Shawn-not-Douglas, since he only amuses himself.
(scanning the Days sites on Belle's computer) Actually, he seems to be a phenomenally popular character. Even people who hate every other teen on the show like him.
Belle: So the sensible thing for the folks at Days to do would be to make the teen storyline revolve around Mimi?
Philip: Guess so.
(A bolt of electricity jumps out of the computer and fries Belle.)
Philip: (glaring at the computer) Oh my God! They killed Belle! The bastards! I knew those internet fans were up to no good.

End of Show
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