Thursday, May 25, 2000

Hi! Thanks to glfnut for killing Belle today. Sorry, MikeR, I couldn't bring myself to kill Lexie since she managed to remember just how Craig got his job

Bart guards Marlo in the secret room.
Marlo: I'm gonna be bigger than Pamela Anderson!
Bart:
(on cell phone) Yeah, can I invest some more money in silicone stock . . .
Marlo: Bart, Bart, get off the phone and let me out! I'm having the baby now!
Bart: Right. I'm not stupid, y'know.
Marlo: Actually, I didn't.

UPSTAIRS, Steffy and Rolf chat.
Rolf: Marlo has been drinking. This baby will potentially suffer from retardation.
Stefano: It's not like anyone in Salem would notice a difference.
Rolf: Still, could you in good conscience-
(Stefano bursts out laughing)
Stefano: Rolf, never mind. I plan to switch the babies at birth.
Rolf: It will be a shock to everyone but the viewers. But won't Bo and Hope wonder why THEIR baby is sick?
Stefano: If the baby was actually conceived on the submarine, Hope-as-Gina was smoking and drinking at least as much during her first trimester as Marlo was during hers.
Rolf: Oh yeah. Duh! Heh-heh.

MEANWHILE, John has decided that the best way to hold on to the woman he's been lusting after for years is to lie to her.
Marlena: I spent my last morning of vacation with the woman who spent the last year or so trying to take you away from me.
John: What a coincidence. I spent the last morning of vacation with the man who spent the last decade trying to take you away from me.
Marlena: You went to Stefano and asked him to suppress Hope's memories, then?
John! What is the worst-case scenario? That Stefano's the father?
John: Frighteningly, no.
Marlena: What do you mea-oh, I know what this is about.
John: You do?
Marlena: Of course not. This is Days.

MEANWHILE, at the hospital:
Craig: Hey, Lexie and Abe, the hospital is not the place to kiss your spouse and discuss adopting children.
Lexie: Isn't that what you and Nancy were doing in the last scene?
Craig: Well, we're special. Look, Commander, Lexie has a stressful job and needs focus and I know that as the head of the police department you would know nothing about that.
Lexie: Shut up, Craig. You just don't like me because I supported Mike Horton when you tried to ruin his reputation.
Craig: I'm a HERO now! You hear me? A HERO! So stop acting like I ever did anything bad.
(runs outside) Everyone! You are the best staff ever, blah, blah, blah, except for Lexie. And I would like you to know that Chloe is my stepdaughter, and Nancy is her biological mother.
NurseBrenda: In that case, allow me to kiss your butt, Chloe.
Philip: Oh, now I get it. Chloe's ugly, just like her mother.
Shawn-not-Douglas: I can't believe you and my father share a father.
Philip: I can't believe the writers remember that I'm your uncle. Next thing you know, they'll remember that you were a preteen when I was born. By the way, where's Belle? You would have thought she'd be running around with Chloe and acting all cute.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Oh. We went out for Thai food the other day, and the waitress was really busy and couldn't bring us chopsticks, so she just pulled a pair out of her hair and we ate with those. The thing is, they'd been sprayed with ice mist, and Marlena just arrived in time to take our pulses as our heads collapsed into the Pad Tai. I pulled through because I was never SORASd and have a very redundant immune system, but . . .
Philip:
Oh my God! You killed Belle? You bastard!

End of Show
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