Tuesday, May 23, 2000

Welcome to Tuesday's Synopsis. Thank you to
Mr. Claus for killing Belle today.

Today's show starts with Doug and Julie running around Bo and Hope's house for reasons which it is beyond my power to discern.

MEANWHILE, Greta and the Amazing Walking Hormone head for Green Mountain Lodge.

Eric: This is the best idea I've had in a while.
Greta: That ain't saying much, since most of your other ideas involve hanging out with Nicole. Hey, I wonder if Lucas took Nicole somewhere exotic for vacation?
Eric: I'd have to max out all my credit cards to take you somewhere exotic, but I'd do it.
Greta: Hey, I'm a friggin' princess, here. I have the money to take us.
Eric: You're a woman. You can't pay for our trip. That would make it like we were equals or something.
(They enter a diner and Eric apparently fights off two men who are after Greta, because although none of the punches connect we hear lots of loud smacking sounds. Greta then hits one over the head, and Eric and Greta leave.)
Greta: I can take care of myself.
Eric: I see we're gonna have to have another talk about the role of women on a soap opera, Slugger.
Greta: Slugger? Didn't you used to have a younger stepbrother whose father called him that?
Eric: Not that I remember.

MEANWHILE, Lucas and Nicole are already at the Lodge.
Lucas: Stop punishing me by wearing those awful clothes. It's not like I accused you of cheating on me.
Nicole: You really should have, though.
Lucas: I'm not going to leave you here. I love you-
Nicole: One wonders why.
(changing the subject so abruptly that anyone but Lucas would notice) Did you drink in high school?
Lucas: No, I went to military school.
(Nicole staggers from the shock that the writers can on occasion remember something that they made up seven years ago.) I almost never drank, except that time I was drinking and driving and I almost got Sami and Jamie killed, and the time I was so drunk Sami dragged Carrie into bed with me and I didn't notice, and all of this happened before I was twenty-one and could pay off Nurse Lynn's blackmail . . .
Nicole: So you didn't really have a problem until everything with Sami. Was it hard to give up drinking?
Lucas: Yeah, it was hard to give up Sami, I mean, drinking.

MEANWHILE, in Salem Place:
Hope: I want you to get as much out of my wedding as I'm sure I got out of yours.
Marlena: Cool! I get to sleep with Bo on YOUR honeymoon?
(stopping by) Hope, I'm very happy for you and Bo.
Hope: Should I be insulted that she calls Abe Carver "Uncle Abe" and she doesn't call Bo "now I have two brothers" Brady "Uncle Bo?"
Chloe: Belle Black is wanted in three states for lipstick attack.
Shawn-not-Douglas: I'm not surprised.
Philip: Shawn, throw me the football.
(Shawn-not-Douglas does, Chloe knocks him over.)
Chloe, you killed Philip! You were supposed to kill Belle!
Chloe: I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
(Starts singing and hits a note that causes
Belle's head to explode. Belle dies.)

All: That's better.

End of Show
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