Monday, May 22, 2000

Hey! I know you've all been waiting anxiously to hear the results of my poll. Thanks to everyone who voted. (I just hope more people voted in this poll than will vote in the Daddy Poll.) 6% voted for Belle to be chopped up and fed to Nancy's dogs; 6% voted for her to be chopped up and fed to Nancy's dogs while being strangled by her own hair; 18% think I should stop killing her altogether; 24% want her to be strangled; and 47% of votes were write-in and very, shall we say, creative. (Before anyone gets smart, the percentages do add up to 101, not 100. So I rounded.)

The show begins at the DiMera Mansion.
Stefano: John, did you just try to rip my door down? Don't you know that your days as an American Gladiator are passed?
John: I head a women scream, and, being Superjohn, I had to try to rescue her.
Stefano: Eliana was watching the WWF. Don't I seem like the kind of guy who wold let his maid watch that at top volume?
John: That's the most outrageous lie I've ever heard.
Stefano: I don't know, I think the pillow baby saga comes pretty close.
Speaking of babies, how's Hope? Do you want a boy or a girl this time, Daddy?
John: A boy. I seem to have misplaced my son Brady and I need a new one.

MEANWHILE, at the Cop Shop:
Roman: I remember when Sami and Eric were born. I know what it's like to have a wife and new babies and be afraid DiMera will screw with your lives. But that's not gonna happen to you because history never repeats itself. Anyway, why would Stefano want the baby?
Bo: Surely not because Hope was spending all her time with Stefano and ignoring me last summer when this baby was supposedly conceived. I'm sure now you're sorry you're such a good listener.
Roman: That's not true!
Bo: You're right! Up until DiMera murdered you, we fought all the time, and every time one of your kids does something you don't like you order them to stop without even thinking that they're adults now, and you sure didn't listen to Marlena during the whole Affair Storyline . . .
Roman: That isn't what I meant.

MEANWHILE, in the hospital cafeteria:
Sami: Give Abe a chance, Brandon. I think it's possible to make up for past mistakes, unless your name is Lucas Roberts.
Lexie: Hi, Brandon! Guess what? My jerk of a husband went to meet the mother of the baby I want to adopt. By the way, why to you feel you have a right to badmouth my insensitive, stubborn, unsupportive, mean husband?
Brandon: I'm worried about Larry's mental stability.
(A halo appears above his head.)
Lexie: You're such a good man.

MEANWHILE, upstairs in the hospital:
Abe: Larry, are you due for a break?
Larry: Sure, break one of my legs. I won't feel it, since they're paralyzed and it's your fault.
(to Nurse Brenda) Were you looking for this?
Brenda: You're psychic.
Abe: This is great! You can put on a weird hat and hook up with my mother-in-law!
Larry: Stop trying to be my friend! Where were you fifteen years ago?
Abe: Chasing Stefano around.
Larry: Then who shot me?
Abe: Well, you see, I have this evil twin . . .

MEANWHILE, at the Penthouse:
Marlena: Are you all right?
Hope: No, I'm not Alright, and I'm not Gina, I'm Hope! But I want you for my matron of honor. Everyone in my age bracket left town, so I sort of moved into yours.
Marlena: I'd be honored. By the way, I like your new house. It reminds me of one a friend of mine used to live in . . .

MEANWHILE, upstairs in the Penthouse:
Belle: Mom's home from vacation! I'll go say hi as soon as I brush my hair.
(She twists around to see the back of her hair and in so doing gets tangled up.) Gasp, gasp. (Sounds more like her mother every day.) Choke. (Belle is strangled with her own hair.)
Oh my God! I killed Belle! But only 18% of voters think I'm a bastard, so it's all good.

End of Show
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