Friday, May 19, 2000

"Days of Our Lives" is going to do something never done by any other soap opera! Because I want to be just like the writers of Days when I grow up, I am having my very own poll. Nope, it's not about whether John or Steffy fathered the sub baby, because I frankly don't care. So, in Monday's Synopsis, do you want Belle to A) be strangled with her own hair B) be cut up in small pieces and fed to Nancy's dogs, C) both, successively, D) both, simultaneously, E) you're mean, mean, mean! Stop killing Belle!, or F) other (specify)?

Today's show starts at the hospital.
Sami: I have to know where Roberto was the night Franco was murdered.
Brandon: Why, if Franco was murdered in the afternoon?
Sami: Actually, I just want to go back to the strip club. How can I fit in more there?
Brandon: I'll be a pimp, and you be my girl.
Sami: I don't know how to dress like a hooker!! You think I'm the kind of girl who would strut around in negligee to seduce her sister's fiancé and plant herself naked in his bed and wear clothes so slutty I had to hide them from my mother and even my best friend was telling me I was dressing badly and strip for Franco and get in trouble with my sleazy lawyer because he thought I was incapable of dressing like I was innocent?
Brandon: I heard something to that effect, yeah.
Sami: You heard wrong.
(answers Nicole's phone call)
Nicole: I'm almost there, and Lucas doesn't have a clue.
Sami: I never noticed how much Lucas was like Austin until recently.
Nicole: We have to hurry. Greta's getting way too close to Eric.
Sami: Who does she think she is? His girlfriend?

MEANWHILE, at the DiMera Mansion:
Stefano: I should have tied Marlo to the bed! That's what any Days villain worth his salt does.
Abe: You want me to adopt the baby of a drunk?
Stefano: You didn't smell alcohol because she was drinking. It was because she felt sick and needed an alcohol rub.
Abe: Oh! Someone who had an alcohol rub smells just like someone who spent the night in a bar!

MEANWHILE, with Eric and Greta:
Greta:
(outside door) What if Eric's asleep, or in the shower? I'll visit Austin instead, since he doesn't sleep or shower.
Eric:
(opening door) Come in, Greta. So, will you be putting out this morning?
Greta: So how's Nicole?
Eric: I resent the implication that I was talking to Nicole just because I was talking to Nicole.

MEANWHILE, Kate and Lucas are at the Kiriakis Mansion.
Kate: Are you Nicole's husband or her houseboy?
Lucas: You mean, technically?
Kate: *I* will make her open that door, not that I'm trying to interfere in your marriage.
Lucas: It's my fault. I said she didn't have a flat tire, but the spare was on the car. I guess I didn't look for the flat itself, though. So stop treating me like a little kid, Mommy!!
(gets into the room) Nicole, remember the first time we made love, in the jacuzzi?
Nicole: I was trying to forget.
(Kate goes off to work the phones.)
Rex:
(on phone) Did Nicole ever live in California?
Kate: How would I know? It's not like I had investigators look into her background before I paid her to marry Lucas.
(hangs up; calls Maggie) Yes, Maggie, Lucas is fine except that he's down to his last two or three brain cells. Yes, I know that's the chance you take when you choose to raise your male children in Salem. (hangs up; calls Green Mountain Lodge) Take the alcohol out of my son's room. (to self) I'm sorry, Lucas, I can't stay out of your life. I don't have one of my own now that Vivian's gone. (calls Belle) Hi, Belle. I've heard you're the most-called person in Salem and I didn't want to be left out. Oh, and I heard you don't like my son Philip, and you know what I do to women who break my sons' hearts? I get even! (pours a magic fluid invented by Rolf into the receiver; on the other end of the line, Belle is electrocuted.) Oh my God. I killed Belle! Go me!

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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