|Wednesday, May 10, 2000
Abe meets Lexie at the hospital.
Abe: Are you busy?
Lexie: Of course not. Iím at work. By the way, I wanted to tell you that Iíve been told I should support you. I hadnít realized that you needed my support because you were stressed out and alternately yelling and crying and we happen to have been married for years. Oh, and I met a European woman and I want to adopt her baby.
Abe: You went and met a woman to talk about adopting and you didnít tell me?!
Lexie: Why would that upset you?
MEANWHILE, shocker of shockers, Chloe is beautiful when she isnít wearing baggy black clothes and out-of-date glasses with unbrushed hair.
Philip: I never realized you were, um . . .
Chloe: A babe? Go turn on MTV and look for Ricky Martin videos and see what you think then.
Philip: I just thought you were a freak.
Chloe: I AM a freak, and one day Iím going to develop telekinetic powers and wipe out all of Salem High. I already made the kitchen knives fly out of their rack and pin Belle to the wall.
Philip: Oh my God! You killed Belle? You bastard!
MEANWHILE, Sami and Roman are at the police station.
Sami: It was awful leaving Will.
Roman: I know, I know. When your mother cheated on me and I had to divorce my three children along with her because thereís no way you can stay in contact with children when you hate their mother, I was heartbroken, too.
Sami: But, I have news about Francoís murder. Henderson went to a strip club and saw Roberto there the night of the murder.
Roman: (after laughing hysterically for five minutes) Letís see, Franco and Roberto went there, and Austin caught them there, and Eric and Billie were there undercover, and Henderson too . . . I wonder if the place has gone out of business now that everyone hangs out at Lady Viís . . . Hey, maybe Kate got Roberto to make a false confession!
Sami: Like, duh!
Roman: Did anyone else know about your gun?
Sami: Well, for some reason Iíve managed to forget about this for two years, but yeah, I waved it in Lucasí face.
Roman: Well, Iíll go to the strip club and check things out.
Sami: Can I come?
Roman: Um, no, itís, um, police business. Yeah, thatís it. (under his breath)
Gee, I hope one of those Marlena clones Stefano made works there!
MEANWHILE, Samiís twin is in the park.
Nicole: I needed a break.
Eric: Iím sure you did. Everyone works SO HARD at Titan.
Nicole: I wanted to tell you why I left you. It was because you made it clear that I wasnít the kind of woman you wanted to spent the rest of your life with.
Eric: Which is why I asked you to marry you and practically stalked you for months after you married Lucas instead.
Nicole: My past is ugly. Dad, Mom, Brandon, and I--
Eric: What about Taylor?
(A man in black arrives to wipe Ericís memory of Taylor.)
Nicole: I didnít think my past would turn you on.
Eric: Well, obviously you donít know me very well because apparently
EVERYTHING turns me on.
MEANWHILE, with Nicoleís and Ericís alleged significant others:
Greta: Am I the biggest klutz on the planet?
Lucas: If you are, one wonders how you managed to live alone in a swamp for years on end. Hey, I realize weíve barely ever spoken before, but as long as weíre in the same room, letís talk about Willís custody battle.
Greta: Okay. How did two people who hate each other end up with a kid?
Lucas: We used to be best friends.
(CZ interrupts her synopsis to write a thank-you note to whichever writer remembered that.)
Lucas: Then Sami ruined our friendship because of her obsession with Austin.
Greta: I thought your friendship was built on her obsession with Austin.
Lucas: Donít confuse me with the facts.
Greta: Is she always wrong and you always right?
Lucas: Mostly weíre both wrong, but she used that lie about child abuse to take my son!
Greta: Actually, they dropped child abuse charges because Will didnít know who his father was and therefore couldnít say his father hit him. You lost custody because you were a drunk.
Lucas: What have I told you about confusing me with the facts?
Lucas: You think sheís sweet because you see her through Ericís eyes, but I know the REAL Samantha Brady.
Greta: Aww, how sweet. She claims to know the real you, too, so she could stop being a goody-goody for Austin and you could stop thinking about taking a drink because Nicole wants you to and you and Sami could live happily ever after.
Lucas: (rolling his eyes) I *knew* ClayZebra wasnít gonna get through a synopsis of a show with both me and Sami in it without making a remark like that.
End of Show
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