Wednesday, May 10, 2000

Abe meets Lexie at the hospital.
Abe: Are you busy?
Lexie: Of course not. Iím at work. By the way, I wanted to tell you that Iíve been told I should support you. I hadnít realized that you needed my support because you were stressed out and alternately yelling and crying and we happen to have been married for years. Oh, and I met a European woman and I want to adopt her baby.
Abe: You went and met a woman to talk about adopting and you didnít tell me?!
Lexie: Why would that upset you?

MEANWHILE, shocker of shockers, Chloe is beautiful when she isnít wearing baggy black clothes and out-of-date glasses with unbrushed hair.
Philip: I never realized you were, um . . .
Chloe: A babe? Go turn on MTV and look for Ricky Martin videos and see what you think then.
Philip: I just thought you were a freak.
Chloe: I AM a freak, and one day Iím going to develop telekinetic powers and wipe out all of Salem High. I already made the kitchen knives fly out of their rack and pin Belle to the wall.
Oh my God! You killed Belle? You bastard!

MEANWHILE, Sami and Roman are at the police station.
Sami: It was awful leaving Will.
Roman: I know, I know. When your mother cheated on me and I had to divorce my three children along with her because thereís no way you can stay in contact with children when you hate their mother, I was heartbroken, too.
Sami: But, I have news about Francoís murder. Henderson went to a strip club and saw Roberto there the night of the murder.
(after laughing hysterically for five minutes) Letís see, Franco and Roberto went there, and Austin caught them there, and Eric and Billie were there undercover, and Henderson too . . . I wonder if the place has gone out of business now that everyone hangs out at Lady Viís . . . Hey, maybe Kate got Roberto to make a false confession!
Sami: Like, duh!
Roman: Did anyone else know about your gun?
Sami: Well, for some reason Iíve managed to forget about this for two years, but yeah, I waved it in Lucasí face.
Roman: Well, Iíll go to the strip club and check things out.
Sami: Can I come?
Roman: Um, no, itís, um, police business. Yeah, thatís it.
(under his breath)
Gee, I hope one of those Marlena clones Stefano made works there!

MEANWHILE, Samiís twin is in the park.
Nicole: I needed a break.
Eric: Iím sure you did. Everyone works SO HARD at Titan.
Nicole: I wanted to tell you why I left you. It was because you made it clear that I wasnít the kind of woman you wanted to spent the rest of your life with.
Eric: Which is why I asked you to marry you and practically stalked you for months after you married Lucas instead.
Nicole: My past is ugly. Dad, Mom, Brandon, and I--
Eric: What about Taylor?
(A man in black arrives to wipe Ericís memory of Taylor.)
Nicole: I didnít think my past would turn you on.
Eric: Well, obviously you donít know me very well because apparently
EVERYTHING turns me on.

MEANWHILE, with Nicoleís and Ericís alleged significant others:
Greta: Am I the biggest klutz on the planet?
Lucas: If you are, one wonders how you managed to live alone in a swamp for years on end. Hey, I realize weíve barely ever spoken before, but as long as weíre in the same room, letís talk about Willís custody battle.
Greta: Okay. How did two people who hate each other end up with a kid?
Lucas: We used to be best friends.
(CZ interrupts her synopsis to write a thank-you note to whichever writer remembered that.)
Lucas: Then Sami ruined our friendship because of her obsession with Austin.
Greta: I thought your friendship was built on her obsession with Austin.
Lucas: Donít confuse me with the facts.
Greta: Is she always wrong and you always right?
Lucas: Mostly weíre both wrong, but she used that lie about child abuse to take my son!
Greta: Actually, they dropped child abuse charges because Will didnít know who his father was and therefore couldnít say his father hit him. You lost custody because you were a drunk.
Lucas: What have I told you about confusing me with the facts?
Greta: Sorry.
Lucas: You think sheís sweet because you see her through Ericís eyes, but I know the REAL Samantha Brady.
Greta: Aww, how sweet. She claims to know the real you, too, so she could stop being a goody-goody for Austin and you could stop thinking about taking a drink because Nicole wants you to and you and Sami could live happily ever after.
(rolling his eyes) I *knew* ClayZebra wasnít gonna get through a synopsis of a show with both me and Sami in it without making a remark like that.

End of Show
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