Tuesday, May 09, 2000

Welcome to ClayZebra's Days synopsis. Conversation of the day:
Julie: Hope has been made to suffer.
Marlena: Haven't we all.
(On the bright side, none of the four teenagers on the show today was named Mimi. :-)

Our show begins with Victor on the phone with his lackey, Rex.
Victor: I want Nicole buried.
Rex: Then you never should have chosen Kate over Vivian.
Philip:
(interrupting) You want Nicole buried?
Victor:
(hanging up) I didn't mean literally.
Philip: I didn't think you did.
Victor: Why not? How did you think your bookie's house got to be blown up last winter.
Philip: I didn't really think about it. I just came in here to show you how much I've grown up.
Victor: Tell me about it. This time last year, you were four or five years old.
Philip: So, since I'm so grown up, can I have a car?
Victor: Didn't you have one last fall?
Philip: Yeah, but I've been de-aged since then.
Victor:
(rolling eyes) I should have stayed a vegetable.

MEANWHILE, Nancy, who has proven that she isn't really from Salem by telling Craig that she is Chloe's mother in under a year, awaits her husband's return.

Chloe: Craig just feels betrayed.
Nancy: Why? Because I cheated on him sixteen years ago and had a child and he just found out?
Chloe: You're right. He must have just gotten an emergency call and not bothered to let you know and its just a coincidence that that's never happened before.
Nancy: Let's talk about something besides Craig. How about school? You have to either join the softball team or cheer for the baseball team.
Chloe: Not liking sports at all isn't an option?
Nancy: Apparently not.
(Craig arrives and Chloe leaves.)
Nancy: Craig, talk to me. How long are you gonna make me suffer?
Craig: Sixteen years sounds fair. By the way, who is Chloe's father?
Nancy: Who the hell cares?
Craig: Presumably both Chloe and the father.
Nancy: Look, I'm sorry she's not yours. It was one drunken mistake. I thought it was over and then I missed my period.
Craig: Wow! You knew you were pregnant because you missed one period and people like Sami and Hope can't tell they're pregnant until they're six or eight months along? You're brilliant! No wonder I love you. I forgive you.

MEANWHILE, Stefano meets Rolf's pregnant niece, Marlo.
Marlo: I'll smoke if I wanna smoke. You can't watch me twenty-four hours a day!
Stefano: Lemme show you my secret room with its monitors . . .
(Lexie arrives and Marlo hides) Alexandra, how is Abe?
Lexie: Now I know something's wrong, you never care how Abe is.
Stefano: My caring how Abe is makes more sense than my spending years trying to steal a stupid painting when I have all the money and power in the world.
Lexie: True.
Stefano: Wouldn't bringing a baby into your life solve all your marital problems?
Lexie: I'll think about it.
(leaves)
Stefano:
(to self) You will have your baby when Hope does. Won't that be a surprise?
Marlo:
(re-entering) No! It will be a re-hashing of the Kristen-Susan thing. Not surprising at all.
Stefano: Shut up.

MEANWHILE, John and Marlena help Bo and Hope move into their new house.
Marlena: This kind of work takes me back . . . doesn't it take you back, John?
John: What kind of a stupid question is that to ask an amnesiac?
Julie:
(entering) This will be a special baby.
Marlena: Yes, created out of rape. How lovely.
Julie: Are you still worried about John? His "soldier" behavior on the airplane saved our lives.
Marlena: Well, I guess I should worry about a radical shift in my husband's personality as long as it saved our lives.
Julie: Take a trip with him. That helps Doug and I, and you know how long we've been married, and divorced, and married, and divorced, and married, and divorced . . .
Hope:
(entering) The baby is kicking. It's very grateful to its Uncle John.
Baby: Um, if John is my uncle, isn't it kinds gross for my older brother to be making time with John's daughter in the next room?

MEANWHILE, Belle and Shawn-not-Douglas are working indoors.
Belle: Can I do anything?
Shawn-not-Douglas: Besides your hair?
Belle: Just for that, I'm calling Chloe.
(does) Hey, Chloe, come to the dance
.. . . stop talking like that. We're teenagers. We're not supposed to think
deeply.
Shawn-not-Douglas: If that's true, it's a good thing for Belle's sake.
Belle:
(hanging up) Tell me I'm cute.
Shawn-not-Douglas: I'm cute.
(CZ's note: No argument here.)
Belle: Shawn, be nicer to me. You don't know what I've been through to be with you.
Shawn-not-Douglas: What?
Belle: You know how we grew up together?
Shawn-not-Douglas: Yeah.
Belle: Think harder.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Hey, I didn't grow up playing with you! I grew up playing with Sami and Eric and Nikki Alamain! The only younger kid I spent a lot of time with was Abby Deveraux!
Belle: That's right.
(tearfully) When you were running around Aremid one winter, trying to help your Dad get over Billie and dealing with middle school, I was an infant never seen out of my mother's arms. But I watched you playing with Abby and I fell in love with you! So I . . . I . . .
Shawn-not-Douglas: What did you do?
Belle: I had Stefano put me in a rapid-growth chamber! It took a few years to kick in, and it was more painful than I can tell you, and now that I'm the right age for you . . .
Shawn-not-Douglas: What?
Belle: There was a mistake in the rapid-growth chamber. I'm dying.
(Shawn-not-Douglas holds Belle as she dies in his arms. It's very romantic.)
Shawn-not-Douglas:
The bastards! They killed Belle!
Bo:
(entering) Just like Romeo and Juliet.
Shawn-not-Douglas: Hardly. You think I'm killing myself over HER? (pause) Hey, now that she's gone, can we make me just a couple of years younger than the twins again? Because I don't look young enough for high school in any universe I can think of.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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