Thursday, March 09, 2000

I stand corrected. The line of the day yesterday was Austin asking
"Are you calling me stupid?" Line of the day today was Bo, upon hearing of the adventures of Gina's body: "That's sick!"

Bozo is plotting in Paris.
Bozo: I can't get the police off my back.
John: I'll call Shane. You know, YOUR ex-brother-in-law.
Bozo: Thanks. But I already checked the castle. However, I didn't look for secret rooms even though Stefano ALWAYS sticks the women in my family in secret rooms.
John: Well, we're going back anyway, for Gina's body.
Bozo: I guess I can be distracted from searching for my missing soulmate to help bury the woman who tried to kill my son.

MEANWHILE, Kurt is with Hopeless.
Kurt: Sad news, Stefano is dying.
Hope: Stefano? Dying. Bwahahahahahahaha!
(after laughing hysterically for ten minutes) Thanks, Kurt, I needed a laugh.
Kurt: You aren't gonna get all teary-eyed and beg me to let you visit him?
Hope: Why would I? He's been tormenting my family for years. I wish he would die.
(Kurt leaves, and Hope tries to escape through the window.)
Hope: I won't fit!
(Insert your own boob job joke here.)

MEANWHILE, it's no wonder that silly Kurt thinks Steffy is dying.
Stefano: I must be really sick, I'm hallucinating bad special effects.
(He sees a phoenix morph itself into a Stefano.) I'm so sick that I'm beside myself.

MEANWHILE, at the Kiriakis Mansion:
Kate: How can you order my sons out of your house?
Victor: Kinda like this: go join them!
Kate: But I'll miss them. You know how much I love my children; that's why we saw Philip about twice between the time I got off that fishing boat and the time he got SORAS.
Victor: Lucas and Austin will be better off without you running their lives.
Kate: No! No! They might become well-rounded characters again if they get their backbones back! And Austin might stay with Sami.
Victor: He will not. She's destined for Lucas. That's ClayZebra's story, and she's sticking to it.
(nearby)
Nicole: Lucas, you promised me my own palace when you married me. I told you I didn't love you and was marrying you to help you get Will and because you had money.
Lucas: Huh? You don't love me?
Nicole:
(rolling her eyes, under breath) And he's the SMART one in the family. (aloud) I just want to live with you and no one else.
Lucas: You forgot Will.
Nicole: As I've been trying to do since I met him.
Lucas: That was not at all suspicious.
(nearby)
Sami: I have no money, no job, nothing of my own. But instead of getting them, which would be interesting, I'll just whine at you, okay?
Austin: Don't worry. You'll still see Will. Lucas won't take him away.
Sami: That's an old script. Lucas hasn't been written as having hidden feelings for me for months.
(sighs) I'll have to fight dirty.
Austin: If you want to fight dirty, then we aren't right for each other.
Sami: I wonder who could possibly be right for me, then . . .

MEANWHILE, Belle and Mimi enjoy their vacatio- er, rescue mission in Paris.
Belle: Ah, mais je suis tres jolie, n'est-ce pas?
[Oh, but I am very cute, is that not so?]
Boy: Oui, tu es la plus Belle fille dans la café.
[Yes, you are the Belle-est girl in the café.]
Belle: Je n'ai pas beaucoup de concours.
[I don't have much competition.]
Mimi: Wait, I speak French too! Mercy buttercups! Bongshur!
Boy: Je voudrais promener avec tu et ton amie.
[I would like to take a walk with you and your friend.]
Belle: Bien! Je veux voir la guillotine de Stefano DiMera .
[Good! I want to see Stefano's guillotine.]
Mimi: Stop being such a terrible friend and start speaking English before I make an even bigger fool of myself.
Belle: Okay. We're just going into the caves under the city to see where Stefano almost killed my parents a few years ago.
(They do.)
Mimi: Belle, since we had so much fun acting on the island, let's act out what happened to your parents. It sounded very romantic.
Belle: Okay, you be my dad, and put your head in the guillotine. I'll be my mom and run and put my head over yours when Stefano, who will be played by this random boy, tries to kill him.
(They do, but the boy doesn't stop the execution, as Steffy obviously did. And sadly, Viv is no longer around to come to the rescue and say "John! What are you doing with your head in that guillotine? It must be horribly uncomfortable.")
Boy: Mon dieu! J'ai tue Belle et Mimi. Je suis un salaud.
(shrugs) Tant pis.
[Oh my God! I killed Belle and Mimi. I'm a bastard. Too bad.]

Fin
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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